It’s safe to say that when I was a child I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Ob. Sessed. Which is why this story broke my heart into a zillion sharp little pieces:

The famous triceratops dinosaur never actually existed as a separate dinosaur species, paleontologists say.

Known for its three horns and the bony, frilled ridge around its head, the triceratops was most likely just a younger version of the rarer torosaurus, say researchers John Scannella and Jack Horner at the Museum of the Rockies in Montana.

Okay, you guys. That’s like finding out there is no Santa Claus. That’s like finding out that eating McDonald’s is going to kill you.

You guys might not know this about me, actually – I am a huge science nerd. I went to science camp for two summers in high school. I read a ton of science and space blogs every day. I absolutely cannot wait for 2015 when we finally get to see up-close photographs of Pluto (and actually no, I wasn’t too devastated when they demoted Pluto. I thought it made sense, actually).

And while I never entered the sciences – I have this problem with being pretty good at math but alternately hating it and believing I’m awful at it – I’m always up to talk about it. I could gnaw your ear off about Wolf-Rayet stars, Alcubierre drives, and nanotechnology until you chew off your own arm to get away from me.

So while it’s fascinating what they found out about Triceratops – that dinosaurs seem to have gone through several morphologies over the course of their lives that have effectively fooled scientists into thinking Triceratops and Torosaurus were two different animals when in fact they were not (see also: Pachycephalosaurus [I didn't even have to look that word up to spell it correctly]) – it’s still sort of a bummer the way it was presented: ”Triceratops Never Existed.” Sure it is! Like, “Pluto isn’t a planet.” No, but it still exists! It’s still fascinating! We still know nothing about it!

Okay, fine. So Triceratops was Torosaurus. Finkle is Einhorn, Tyler Durden was the Narrator and Kevin Spacey was Keyser Söze. But until they come out with a report saying “Triceratops/Torosaurus Was a Weakling,” I’m going to continue to take a great deal of joy from my six-year-old fantasies of one day owning one and riding it up to the playground at Burcham Elementary in Weatherford, Oklahoma and immediately having all the kids want to be my best friend.* Meantime, I might take my forthcoming day off and go visit the Pentaceratops skull at the Sam Noble Oklahoma Museum of Natural History in Norman, which has a fascinating history all its own.

*Actually it occurs to me that as a 30-year-old gay dude I MIGHT need to re-think my plan should I come into Triceratops ownership. Maybe we’d go drinking together. Or down on the sidelines at an OU game. Though he’d probably just poop everywhere and tear up the turf. I suppose I could charge people to see him like in Jurassic Park, but to tell you the truth the money I’d earn off of that wouldn’t really make up for the fact that I’d have to share him when really I just want him all to myself.