Wednesday, January 23, 2008 | by nathan

I’m In Love With A Wonderful Guy

Brian’s out of town on business until Saturday afternoon. I always go through such a weird kind of mourning process when he leaves for stretches at a time. I’m sad, and panicked, afraid, and then I enter into a kind of weird acceptance - "maybe some alone time will be good for me" - before just going back to sad and missing him. I turn it all into writing material.

Still, of all the weeks he could be gone, this one is the best, as it’s absolutely crazy for me at work. Last night I had to work late, but not as late as I’d expected, and so I got home, had dinner, and fell asleep on the couch with my computer, fully clothed. I awoke at 1:39 a.m., and the first thing I saw was Sam, staring at me, his usual worried expression amped up a bit, like, "Um? Are you okay? Where’s Sane Daddy?" I put him in his room, turned out the lights, got a glass of water and went to bed. I have a lot of trouble sleeping in our bed by myself, and I didn’t get to sleep until sometime between 2:30 and 3:00.

I had weird dreams, hit the snooze button about ten times, and finally lumbered into the shower at 7:45.

The wonderful part - the part that keeps me going - is that Brian left me flowers, and a card for every day that he’s going to be gone. When we spoke on the phone last night I was told that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AM I TO OPEN THE CARDS EARLY. So far Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s cards have been incredibly sweet, and the flowers are beautiful.

It’s been a bad week at work, I’ve been feeling discouraged, and when I go home tonight I’ll sit at my desk for at least an hour, staring at my flowers, and feel a hundred kazillion times better.

Friday, December 14, 2007 | by nathan

Vignette Of A Marriage

via iChat today:

Me: you didn’t happen to see my phone this morning did you?
Me: ’cause I couldn’t find it
Him: it’s in your bag
Me: it is?
Him: your alarm went off this morning and it took me forever to find out where it was coming from - i just silenced it and dropped it back in your bag
Me: sho nuff!
Me: thanks!
Me: (sorry)
Him: no big
Me: i love you

Friday, November 9, 2007 | by nathan

A quart or two should do it.

"I want some booze."

"What?"

"I want some booze, right now."

"You want some booze?"

"Yes." [picks up McDonald’s cup that’s 75% full with Diet Dr. Pepper] "Take this and go put some booze in it."

"How much booze?"

"Enough."

Sunday, November 4, 2007 | by nathan

“Sorry, What?”

Last night I made a pie. Today, this happened: 

"I’m going to have a piece of pie."

"I want a piece of pie! Will you get me a piece of pie?"

"Sure. Do you want me to heat your pie?"

"No, I want to eat it."

"Heat your pie. Do you want me to heat your pie?"

"What’s the point of you getting me a piece of pie if you’re going to eat it?"

[turns and goes back into the kitchen, flabbergasted with his smartass of a husband]

Wednesday, October 10, 2007 | by nathan

My head’s not all in one place, but here’s this:

This week is teh suck. I’m working 71 hours, and all day Friday and Saturday; literally - all day. From 8 a.m. until midnight both days, and then from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. on Sunday. Even that wouldn’t be so bad except that next week is going to be about another 50 or more hours, and then, hopefully, at the end of it, Brian and I can lock ourselves in our house and not leave again for quite some time. The upside is that, because I’m STILL on contract, I’m billing the CRAP out of my employers, and my next two paychecks are going to be teh awesome.

Brian got home last night. He had texted to say his flight would be about 20 minutes later than we’d expected, so to pass the time I stopped and got stuff for dinner, then at my local polling place to vote Yes! on Maps for Kids. On our way back home from the airport we stopped so Brian could vote. I’m happy to report that I was the 174th person in my precinct to vote AT ALL.

Anyway, I made us a dinner of tuna steaks and acorn squash that was deeply satisfying, and we cuddled on the couch and talked and watched The Simpsons, then lampooned our way through the Republican Debate. We tried to put together all our new Halloween decorations, but had some problems with them not lighting up; it’ getting fixed tonight.

It was kind of a perfect homecoming, especially because of how much harder it was this time to have him gone. Last night was the first time since we left for Dallas that either one of us has slept in our bed.

Two internet things before I go:

1) I’m going to do National Novel Writing Month, more popularly known as NaNoWriMo, next month. I need to get motivated on this novel, and I’m hoping that my ridiculous stubbornness, mixed with a (un)healthy curiosity (can I write a novel in a month? We’ll see!) will be the motivation I need. I’ve pretty much got the whole plot outlined and all my ideas are clear, I just can’t, for whatever reason, get them on the page. Here’s hoping November changes that.

2) My friend Tish just started a new blog. It’s awesome; you should totally go check it out.  

Monday, October 8, 2007 | by nathan

Alone Again, Natura-diddly

I’m alone again tonight; Brian’s in Kansas. His travel season this year has been much abbreviated, but it’s still never easy when he’s gone.

Still, I’m the kind of person who does well on his own. Tonight after work I went to the gym, ran my best 5K yet on the treadmill, mostly because there was incredibly nice-looking and fit guy on the treadmill next to mine, and it irritated me when I couldn’t keep up with him. I tell ya, the 15 minutes I spent in the hot tub after that were some of the most relaxing and rewarding so far in my entire life.

I stopped by Buy4Less on my way home, delighted to find a sale on yellowfin tuna steaks. I found a wonderful recipe for these online, so I made dinner while listening to "Fresh Air." Tuna steak and boiled squash - yum. Ate while watching Heroes, and now I’m trying to get it up to work on the novel a bit before bed. I’m sleeping on the couch again because 1) it’s comfortable, and 2) I can’t sleep in a queen-size bed by myself. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I think if I lived alone again I wouldn’t even own a bed. Which would make dating a pain, but that’s why I’m glad I don’t live alone and REALLY glad I’m not single.

Sunday, October 7, 2007 | by nathan

He’s In Dallas

Just got back from Dallas about an hour ago. It was a great, restful weekend, if not a whole lot less eventful than I’d anticipated.

We rolled into DFW Friday night, stopped at Centennial for some Buffalo Trace (two bottles plus a bunch of the tiny little ones), then checked into the hotel. We mixed the whiskey with some Coke, thinking vaguely that we’d get happy and go out. Instead, we rented "The Simpsons Movie" on the hotel pay-per-view and fell asleep.

Saturday we got up about 8:30, and I went for a run in the hotel gym, albeit a short one. We left about 10:30 for the Texas State Fair. It took us over 3 hours to actually arrive near the fair, and once again I’m left to wonder WHERE THE HELL PEOPLE IN TEXAS LEARN HOW TO DRIVE BECAUSE SERIOUSLY? YOU’RE ALL FUCKING CRAZY. At any rate, we got to our seats about 5 minutes before the 2:30 kickoff. So, to recap - that’s twelve miles in FOUR HOURS. Luckily we’d brought several of the little whiskey bottles with us, which we mixed in our Cokes, but it was like a sauna in that crowd. By the third quarter we were all pretty miserable, except there was a fantastic football game going on, so we stuck it out.

Sooners kicked some Texas ass, in case you missed it.

It started raining right as the game ended, and there was a thunderstorm approaching, so that put the kibosh on our plans to hang out at the State Fair for awhile. We returned to the hotel to shower and change clothes, thinking we’d grab some Chipotle and head out to the bars later. Instead, we mixed a bunch more whiskey and Cokes and got real tired, talking ourselves out of going out and feeling really great about it.

This morning we went to Cafe Brazil for breakfast, then up to Grapevine Mills Mall for a few hours until I had to drop Brian off at some giant hotel in Grapevine for a trade show he’s attending tonight and tomorrow. He’s flying to Kansas after that, so I won’t see him again until Tuesday.

I drove home listening mostly to sad country music, missing Brian but holding it together because I make it my strict policy never to cry in Texas. When I crossed the Red River I thought I might lose it. However, perched atop the first overpass in Oklahoma were fifteen to twenty people, dressed all in crimson and cream, holding signs that said "Go Sooners!" and shouting as the cars passed underneath. I gave them the upside-down Texas sign and smiled, and I didn’t shed a tear the whole way home. 

Monday, September 17, 2007 | by nathan

Like A Sad Country Song

Brian’s headed to Austin tonight for business; he won’t be home until late tomorrow night. Meanwhile, I’m going to be at home by myself fighting the mother of all allergy attacks alone. He gets to hang out at Katz’s and Underground Records while I’m at home riding the Afrin pony. Zah!

Also, at the OU-Utah State game this weekend I got what will hopefully be my last sunburn this summer. My grandparents were in town, and so after we left Norman, Brian and I headed to mom’s house to finish watching the game and to watch Texas come THISCLOSE to getting beat by Central Florida. That would’ve been nice, but I suppose once I get down to the Red River Rivalry it’ll make for better drama if both teams are undefeated.

First weekend in October, Dallas. Anyone wanna meet up at the Texas State Fair?

Saturday, July 28, 2007 | by nathan

they’re just humans with wives and children…

Saw the Flaming Lips in concert last night. An incredible show, as ever, but I received Hard Evidence that I’m getting older, when, in the middle of the crowd in front of the stage, I kept getting really irritated at all the people pushing past me, thinking, "Goddamn teenagers." Even in retrospect I sorta feel this way. People, I’m 5′6" tall. I’m SHORT. If you’re 6′5", please don’t come stand RIGHT in front of me to get a better view of the stage, because you could SEE OVER MY HEAD IF YOU WANTED TO. And also, when you spill your beer in my sock, don’t look at me like I just slapped your puppy.

Ahh, Rock and Roll.

Still and all, it was a fantastic show. I got some great photos that I’ll post later. It didn’t quite measure up to the Zoo show last year, but nothing could, really. Today is Brian’s 10-year high school reunion, so I’ll be spending all afternoon and evening in the sprawling metropolis of Chickasha, wondering - "should I say I’m his ‘boyfriend?’ ‘husband?’ ‘life-partner?’ Or should I just pretend I don’t remember his name, and that being such a hot-ass piece of arm-candy didn’t come with the stipulation that I’d have to remember ANYTHING?"

Thursday, June 21, 2007 | by nathan

You’re Taking One Down

This hasn’t been an easy week. The first week back after vacation never really is, but this one has been especially trying. Brian’s been sick since Saturday, so we spent the last day of our vacation mostly just chilling in the hotel room, hoping he’d get better. Instead, he got worse. We had different flights back Sunday, and I didn’t arrive in Dallas until 8 p.m., and we didn’t make it back to Oklahoma City until around midnight. We still haven’t unpacked.

Monday I went to the gym by myself, as Brian was still too sick to go, and I rammed his car into a pole, leaving a serious dent in the front bumper, which will now have to be replaced. Yes, it was stupid, and I felt horrible, but it’s a testament to how wonderful our relationship is that I knew when I told him that he wouldn’t be mad at me, that he’d realize it’s just a car, and no big deal, and that he’d reassure me that, no, I won’t be sleeping under a bridge with the dog tonight, drinking gin out of some stranger’s shoe. So there’s that. 

Tuesday night it rained heavily in the city, as it had been doing all last week while we were gone. Brian managed to mow the front lawn before the rain started, but not the back, which is now ankle-high. I can’t really mow because as I get older, my allergies get worse and the last several times I’ve done it I’ve spent the next week feeling horribly ill.

So when I got home from work yesterday the house reeked. I opened the door and my gag reflex went bing! I realized that as we’d been cleaning the house the night before we’d forgotten to take the giant trash bag outside. So I took it out, but the smell lingered. Brian got home and we went searching for the smell. Culprit One was the trashcan full of grass clippings, which was sitting right next to the dryer intake, shooting the smell of rotting grass into the house. So we moved that, but there was still something more. 

We went to the den downstairs and immediately realized that the carpet down there was soaked. The rain had come into our downstairs den - possibly via the fireplace in there, or its proximity to the garage - and soaked about half the carpet. This has happened twice before, but this time the smell was worse than ever, and because I’m deeply allergic to mold, I began getting a severe headache, and my mood went south really fast. So we moved everything out of the den, rolled up the carpet, took it out to the front yard, and cut away the wet part. Most of it was still dry, so we unrolled that in the sun room - much to the dog’s chagrin - to get the smell out.

Also, as I mentioned before, getting the vacation photos onto Flickr was a feat of computering akin to hacking into the mainframe at Microsoft, and it ate a lot of my time yesterday.

This is pride week in Oklahoma City, so that should be kind of redeeming everything, except Brian’s company is having a huge event in Atlanta this weekend, and he’s going to miss everything. I’m still wanting to enjoy Pride, but without him it won’t be any fun. I’m probably going to invite a select group of gay boys over for drinks sometime in the weekend, and of course I’ll go to the parade and Angles afterward, but I need people to step up and help me have fun. This means YOU, gay people. This means YOU.