Thursday, July 12, 2007 | by nathan

Things That Should Be Open All Night

I can’t sleep. That might be due to the fact that after I got home from work I took a 5-hour nap, but I was so tired that I honestly thought I just needed some extra sleep. Not so much the case, as it turns out. So now, I’m wishing there was more to do in this city after 12 a.m. than go to a bar or sit and watch Mythbusters. I’d kill for a peppermint ice cream cone right now.

Things That Should Be Open All Night:

* Roller Rinks

* Bowling Alleys

* Bookstores

* Record Stores

* Driving Ranges

* Braum’s

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 | by nathan

oh, and while you’re out, we need milk.

So I’m working on my Überlist for 2007, but at the same time I am sitting here watching Nightline, where they are profiling Stephen Baldwin, who has become something of a monster celebrity in the evangelical youth movement. All that stuff - Christian skate punks and the like - at once holds a special place in my heart and really creeps me out a bit. Anyway, so I got stuck on the list, and I wrote the following in frustrated wonderment:

34) Get an abortion. 

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 | by nathan

büz

Was up until almost three in the morning writing. I wrote three 1,500-word pieces, and one 3,500-word. Thank the Lord for the Weatherford, Okla. school district that made third graders in 1988 take typing lessons.

Am working a full day today instead of my usual five-hour shift, and of course it’s the craziest day here in awhile. Deadlines, things needing to be said diplomatically and yet which are urgent, and the whole lot of us very headless-chicken like.

So in two hours I’m going to go home, pouring a stiff drink, and rest. Maybe it will storm again so I can play the Gary England Drinking Game.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006 | by nathan

My Students Had Better Appreciate Me…

It is midnight. I still have at least an hour and a half of DVD burning ahead of me, which is why I have staked out my very own classroom in The Gay. And since I know a lot of you read this blog (oh, what, you think I can’t track you down? I can track you down. Same goes for ex-boyfriends), I want you to appreciate that I am going without sleep tonight so you can have your pretty little DVDs. Uh-huh.

Sunday, April 23, 2006 | by nathan

Not Ready To Make Nice

Some people think that they are too good to listen to the Dixie Chicks, or to country music in general. These people - especially the political progressives among you - need to get over it and listen to their new song, "Not Ready To Make Nice," which is one of the coolest, angriest, most intense country songs I have listened to in a long time.

For my part I am wondering as to the message of the song in my own life. When I listen to it I start thinking about all the things in my life that have made me angry, and whose fault those things are. This leads to the conversations with no one. And the getting pissed, and reading blogs I shouldn’t, and kind of hating the Democrats a little for not helping us out more, and the thinking my thinky little thoughts, like how the next time I hear a certain broadcaster/blogger talk about how "liberals just want to kill babies," I may shove a broken-up beer bottle up his ass. I do not want to dismiss any anger I have out of hand, and I really don’t want to trash any other bloggers since I promised not to (and have done pretty well, considering how much I want to trash some of them), but I am totally unsure as to how to use it toward anything constructive, unless you count conjuring up the kind of images that I am sure make Jesus want to take vodka shots straight out of an ashtray ‘constructive.’

The A/C is out. It’s hot. And I’m pissed as hell about global warming. And I can’t sleep. Thinking a tequila shot might help us out here, but a little scared to go there.  

Friday, April 14, 2006 | by nathan

Ram-Bull

Tonight is one of the most perfect nights you have ever seen. Warm, with breezes and a full moon. If gas were cheaper (Bush sucks) I would still be driving home from work. As it is, I put on a selection of pretty soft songs - all Patty Griffin and M.C. Carpenter - and drove slowly home. I used to do this all the time in high school.

Brian and I sat on the porch for awhile and talked, but he was tired, so he went to bed. I wasn’t tired, as I had had dinner right before leaving Norman. So I am sitting up watching HGTV, which I could do for weeks on end if someone would let me. I love all the specialty networks; all the ridiculous programming that parades by, all the specific advertising. On HGTV almost every other commercial is for Home Depot or Lowe’s. And yet, we have a house, and that house needs to be decorated, and the garden tended, and for some reason I do not entirely understand, the gays love these things.

HGTV is gayer than Logo and Here!TV put together. It is one of the few networks where I’ve seen the gay Orbitz ads and the UCC "Ejector" Ad.

At Wake Forest I worked for three semesters in the Deacon Shop, which is the dumb little store where you go to get a WFU sweatshirt, or commemorative Tiffany lamp, or Alumni license plate. Shit like that. Business was often slow, and every afternoon my coworkers would put on Trading Spaces and While You Were Out, which were huge hits at the time. From that day to this I have not been able to pass up decorating shows when they are on, even when they are shitty. It is the only kind of reality TV I can deal with.

There are just certain things that appeal to me a lot more at 1 in the morning; R&B music, for example, and cable, and burning incense. For some reason I only ever partake of these things when it is late at night and I am the only one awake. My insomnia gets worse in the summer, as I have trouble sleeping when it is hot. But also, I do not want to run the air conditioning, as this is expensive and really unnecessary; I will tire out sooner or later and head to bed.

Final note: Bri and I were walking through the mall the other day and popped into Foot Locker to look around, because I need new running shoes. What did I find instead? Pink Converse high-tops on sale for $20. Hell yeah. Hell to the yeah. Didn’t get new running shoes, but damn. Pink Cons. Smile. And yes, I am wearing them to Easter service on Sunday.

So it’s Good Friday today, or as I like to think of it, "We Are So Fucked" Friday. Because you know this was what the disciples were thinking from the moment Jesus was arrested.

Dude, they’re redoing a gay couple’s yard now. I swear this network does more to advance gay rights than any three people in the world at the moment.

Oh, and by the way - one more thing before I go to bed. If I find one more gay boy with Lindsay Lohan or Hillary Duff in his iPod, he is getting his ass beat down. Come on, boys. There is better music out there; much, much better, much gayer, more wonderful and liberating music. For God’s sake, people! 

Monday, February 13, 2006 | by nathan

12:51 AM

So it’s almost 1 AM and I am still sitting up. I just finished doing the one thirty lab’s production schedule, which is a task of such enormous detail and difficulty that I am not certain my sanity will hold up under doing one more right now. Suffice it to say, as much as I like my job lately - teaching assistant at video productions with all the fresh-faced students who are scared of the switcher - I am not remotely well enough to do the one for the morning class right now.

I am feeling better, but that tends to come and go. I am still stuffy and unable to breathe well. It absolutely sucks.

Mom, John, and Crystal came over last night for our first “Family Dinner,” which is a new thing we decided to start once every two weeks. Brian and I made healthy pizzas and we all watched Hitchhiker’s Guide. Good fun. I like my family a whole lot.

Today was fabulous. Got up and wasn’t feeling well, but I dragged myself out of bed to make it to church, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite places in the entire world. The sermon was about Original Sin - not entirely stuff I agreed with, but interesting food for thought and reflection. Dr. Meyers is uncomfortable with the old Catholic idea of original sin, but the sermon almost sounded as if he wanted to throw that baby out with the bathwater. He said we should think of ourselves as being in recovery, but if there is no O.S., then it begs the question - recovery from what? I got the sense that the sermon wasn’t actually about discaring original sin, but rather as couching it in different terms than the Catholic idea would suggest.

Honestly, right now I am too sleepy to think about it.

I am going to go upstairs, take out my contacts, and fall asleep next to the man I love.

Thursday, January 26, 2006 | by nathan

Sleep

I was in the worst mood ever last night, because I was hella-tired. I almost broke down in tears in the Arby’s drive-through because they asked me four times if I wanted fries and three times if I wanted ketchup. When I get like this I become mean and surly and needy, and I hate myself for it. I didn’t get out of bed until 9 this morning, and I feel like ass today.

Also, this crap is stressing me out too because it is so fucking useless and yet it seems to be everywhere today.

I need rest. I’m hitting the wall with dieting and working out, which sucks, because when I got dressed today everything was still too small, and I’ve got six weeks before I even start seeing results at all, and that frustrates me to no end because I really just want to give up.

I want to be in a better mood. I want to treat people better. It’s only 11 AM and already the whole deal just feels like a wash. I think I will close my office door and pray.

Friday, December 9, 2005 | by nathan

Funny thing, and Unfunny Thing

Justin Lee sent me this link, which I find absolutely hysterical:

http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html

They are old Weight Watchers recipe cards from the 70’s. So far my favorite is “Inspiration Soup.”

Also, I cannot find the beginning of a novel that I wrote, and I am supremely discouraged by this, because it was probably the best piece of writing I have done to date. I SWEAR I emailed it to myself before we formatted the hard disk on my old laptop, but…

also, insomnia kicked in about 3:30 last night and I was up until almost dawn. Luckily I don’t have to be at work until one today, or I would be in a really shitty-ass mood. Also, I have Inspiration Soup to lift my spirits.

Tuesday, February 8, 2005 | by nathan

The other shoe just dropped, and it’s an angry Doc Marten.

I’ve made a couple decisions - want to hear them?

1) I am going to stop reading other people’s live journals. Except perhaps Jonathan and Tish’s (speculationsandsuch.blogspot.com). Theirs is good. For some reason, every other blog I read ends up getting me upset in some way. Maybe politically, or personally, and honestly - I have quite enough on my plate as it is, what with all the shit I’m dealing with. I don’t need to add heartache to heartache.

2) Men are scum. Except perhaps for Bono. But we knew this.

3) I really like the band The Used. Even if they are a little weird.

4) I really miss Joel New. I wish he hadn’t moved to New York. And, I wish I wasn’t such a jerk. My heart loves to do this to me - when I am hurting about a boy, it goes and throws in someone else from way back for me to be sad about. Stupid, lousy mind. It does not have my best interests at heart.

Tonight, it is really hard for me not to indulge my worst habit - hating my life with passion and rigor. I must pray for the courage to feel my rotten, ugly feelings, because tonight during class, when Blake and everybody went out to smoke during the break, I wanted to go with them. I would’ve if I didn’t also have a sore throat to accompany my fun new cold.

For once, I’m not writing this in the computer lab. Oh, and I didn’t get the NPR job. Fucking just great. Other than really REALLY wanting that job, I also needed the money it would have provided. Once again, back to Square Fucking One. That seems to be where I live. Although, I do have my job at Gaylord, and I enjoy that. And dad slipped me a bit of money last time he was here, which helped. So when I think about it, I guess God does have my best interests at heart. But emotionally, I am so strung out and tired of feeling sad - I feel like an addict about 3 days out of rehab. This is how I get when I’m going through nicotine withdrawal - but doesn’t withdrawal eventually end?

God, I’m even boring the hell out of myself. I can just imagine how the two of you must feel. Good night all. Unless you’re a 20-something gay man. Then you can fucking just bite me. Wait! Come back! I didn’t mean it!

::shakes head at self.:: Going to bed. Good night. Pray for your sad friend Nate.