Monday, February 22, 2010 | by nathan

the only difference being that I don’t have access to any liquid nitrogen. Not since the … unpleasantness.

When I matriculated at Wake Forest University in the fall of 1998, they were one of the most "wired" campuses in America. The internet boom had yet to turn bust, and recently-graduated Sanskrit majors were leaping headlong into the information revolution and becoming overnight millionaires (then, it turns out, overnight thousandaires). Wake had a really pioneering program wherein a part of our exorbitant tuition costs allowed each student to receive a laptop upon enrollment. Then, two years later, you’d trade in your laptop for a different, newer laptop.

It didn’t suck.

Since then laptops have become ubiquitous on college campuses; some people even argue that it’s hard to learn without one. To tell you the truth, I think that in my four years of free-laptopdom at Wake Forest, I actually took the thing to class exactly one time, and even then I sat there talking to a friend on AIM. We all had them, sure, but I never saw a Wake Forest classroom where people were wildly typing notes. You just didn’t see them in class. I’m sure this has changed now.

When I started my abortive half-semester at Yale Divinity School in the fall of 2002, I bought a brand-new Sony Vaio. Things were different in the Ivy Leagues, and on the first day of class, when I whipped out a pen and paper to take notes, I found myself in a minority of me; everyone else had their computers out. So I thought, what the hell, Nate, join the now.

Thing is, I found that I didn’t remember anything. I type about 110 words a minute, give or take, so I could literally almost type the lecture word-for-word. But none of it stuck. I quickly went back to being a one-man minority. I find that the physical action of writing things down, even if I don’t get every single bit, helps the information to stick in my mind. Typing doesn’t do that; it lacks the physical connection to the information. Going back and reading my typed notes later, I found myself thinking over and over, "I don’t remember him saying that." I felt disconnected from the lecture.

This isn’t true for everyone; it just is for me. At any rate, by the time I made another go at grad school and found myself as the teaching assistant for an Introduction to Mass Communications class at the University of Oklahoma, laptops were everywhere. So was MySpace. I warned the students in my discussion group within an inch of their lives about using the internet during the lecture. Bring your laptop to take notes, fine. But I stationed myself at the back of the class and watched those laptop screens.

One student in particular became a problem. Not only was she constantly MySpacing even after I asked her not to, she was distracting the people around her with it, showing them videos or photos or wall posts that entertained her. ALL WHILE THE PROFESSOR WAS TEACHING. Maybe it’s that my father is a college professor, but I found myself enraged by this behavior. The professor noticed it and asked me to do something. So, one day, after I’d already asked her once to either keep it on Microsoft Word or put it away, I walked down and sat next to her, a big, big grin on my face.

"Give me the laptop," I said happily.

She giggled. Oh, you’re so funny. Ha-ha.

"I’m not actually kidding. Give it to me." 

Her eyes got wide, but her smile remained.

"Right now." 

I’d tried to whisper, to be quiet, but now the whole class, comprised of somewhere in the neighborhood of 175 students, mostly freshmen, were staring at me.

"I want the computer. Hand it over. Right now." 

"Are you serious?" 

"Do I look like I’m kidding?" 

Her face orange with shame and fake tanner, she closed the computer and handed it over. I stood up and suddenly noticed the sea of kaiser-roll-sized eyeballs staring at me.

"LET THIS BE A WARNING TO THE REST OF YOU." 

The professor was barely managing to suppress a laugh. At the end of the class the student walked up to me.

"Can I have my computer back now?" 

"What computer?" I asked.

"My computer. My laptop. You took it away."

"Oh, that?" I said. "I threw that away. You might be able to dig it out of the garbage can out in the hall. But I also threw half a yogurt in there."

Her eyes welled up. I couldn’t take it anymore; I pulled her laptop out of my bag and handed it to her.

"You understand that MySpacing during class is, like, super rude, right?" I asked.

She nodded, chagrined.

"See you Wednesday." 

All that is to say, as awesome as I think the internet and mobile computing are, I somewhat question their value in the classroom environment. This long, long story drives home a point that was put much more succinctly by a professor at that same august institution, the University of Oklahoma, in a video I found on Engadget:

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 | by nathan

Okie Blog Awards

One of the things that I love about Oklahoma is that, in the absence of a national spotlight shining all over us, we give rise to some really surprising and inspiring pockets of creativity, much of it of the DIY flavor. The Flaming Lips are perhaps the most well-known example of this, having achieved international stardom and artistic genius while based here, in what most of America considers to be a "cultural wasteland." But living here I am continually surprised by the stuff that people are doing, and even more surprised that people I know are the ones doing it.

My buddies K.C. and David are wonderful examples of this (and if you’re not busy this Friday and/or Saturday, K.C.’s record-release shows at the Blue Door promise to be amazing). Also of note are our burgeoning improv and stand-up comedy scenes, including Twinprov, the outstanding two-man improv group staged by my old friends Buck and Clint.

I think we’ve got a lot of people here in Oklahoma who could be getting ready to see their careers take off. After editing two chapters of my novel early this morning, I honestly believe I might be lucky enough to be among them. So why am I so honored to be nominated for an Oklahoma Blogger Award? I don’t know. But I am. It’s cool, especially considering how many great Oklahoma-based bloggers there are, and considering that blogging is such a weird thing to do. The blogger blogging his blog.

I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. On one hand, I am awed by how much amazing writing and creativity is out there. On the other, I can’t help but remember what Doug Marlette told me on more than one occasion, that blogging is "karaoke for writers," and that having one doesn’t make one a writer, any more than my awful, fourth-beer rendition of "Let’s Stay Together" makes me a musician.

Maybe the point isn’t to be a writer. Maybe the point is to care about something. My friend Greg is passionate about food; that’s why his food blog, The Corner Booth, is so great – because he gets to talk about something he cares about. David lives and breathes music – he knows more about it than anyone I’ve ever met. I like to see people getting enthusiastic about stuff; I find myself infected by it. If someone is talking to me about something that excites them, I find myself interested. I can’t help it. That’s why I think blogs are so great – all your better ones are people sounding off about what they care about. Be it food, music, their families, their own creative pursuits, or the way they imagine Jon Arbuckle’s life might be had he never visited the pound – it’s cool that people can put these things out there.

Me? I’m passionate about writing, and about humor, and bad movies, and Oklahoma, and Jesus. And I’m kinda stoked and honored to be nominated for Best Writing in the Okie Blog Awards. I really recommend going through the list of nominees and finding some new, excellent reads by Oklahoma-grown bloggers. Their excitement for their subject material, and for this weird-ass state we call home, is infectious.

Monday, February 8, 2010 | by nathan

Gawd, Taco Bell, Bum Me Out

Unfortunately, I happen to, every once in awhile, get a Taco Bell craving that is so strong that the armies of Hell itself couldn’t stop me from eating intestine-shredding, soul-crippling Taco Bell. I also happen to have an enabler husband who will very generously go out in all kinds of weather to get us food. One such scenario posited itself the other night, and I found myself on the Taco Bell website trying to decide what I wanted. This is what greeted me:

At first I thought Taco Bell was just finally manning up and telling me what I already knew about my occasional indulgence in their food-adjacent product. I thought maybe God was using the Taco Bell website to send me some kind of message – "DON’T DO IT PLEASE! ADULT ONSET DIABETES IS JUST ONE CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH AWAY!" 

Then, I realized that this website was in mourning. And THEN, I realized that the "Bell" in Taco Bell is actually a dude’s name. It threw my whole world into disarray – who is Hardee? Who is Carl, Jr.? For that matter – who is Carl, Sr.? Is there a Mr. Sonic, America’s Drive-In out there? And how on earth did Glen Bell live to be 86 years old given that he HAD to have eaten some of his chain’s food at some point? I naturally assumed my continued Runs for the Border® would leave me with a lifespan more comparable to Jesus or Mozart than, say, Betty White, not to mention endless cases of Runs for the Border®.

At any rate, I eventually got deeper into the website, where I was confronted with another conundrum. Which is when this conversation ensued.

Me: Do you see any difference between these two pictures?

Brian: Let’s see. Both have crisp, freshly prepared tortilla chips, seasoned ground beef, warm nacho cheese sauce, hearty beans, diced ripe tomatoes, and reduced fat sour cream.

Me: Well – which one is bigger?

Brian: I don’t know.

Me: i want whichever one is bigger. Get me whichever one is bigger. So I can win.

Friday, January 29, 2010 | by nathan

Welcome (Back).

Remember how I said I was going to start a blog on Open Salon to publish pieces I’ve been writing but not publishing online? WELL OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY DID IT.

I chose Open Salon, mostly because I love Salon.com and pay them $45 a year to keep them in their elitist arugula and expresso coffees or whatever the hippies drink out in Sin Francisco. All I know is that I love Joan Walsh, and Garrison Keillor, and Anne Lamott, and Alex Koppleman, though I’m still not over my Election Fatigue from 2008 and have stopped reading their War Room altogether. At least until a year from now, when it’s time for the 2012 election to start up.

Also, I love Open Salon’s community nature. And if we’re being totally honest, I love that several people have scored book deals writing for them. Are any of our motives ever completely pure? Come on – let’s cut the crap.

But the main reason is that I loved writing these kinds of pieces for GCN, and I want to continue writing for them. But there’s no reason why these can’t be in two places at once; AMIRITE?

Also (and I have yet to e-mail them about this, so we’ll see how it’s going to go over), I really want to start a blog over at Voices of Oklahoma, because I think they’re one of the coolest Okie internet outlets going right now.

And – JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION WAS OVER – if you have a blog and live in Oklahoma, you can totally vote for me in the Okie Blogger Awards! I’m gunning for Best Kept Secret and Best Writing, though as of December 24 I totally qualify for Best Veteran Blogger! And if you’re looking for recommendations for other blogs to nominate, can I recommend the Mixtape Jones Report (Best Culture Blog), K.C. Clifford (Best New Blog), Rocks in My Dryer (Best Humorous Blog) and Angela and Luke (Best Inspirational Blog), just to name a few?

In the meantime, I’d love it if you’d head over to Open Salon to read and comment on my new stuff; here’s a taste to whet your appetite.

As a young man my faith was marked by deep impatience. Every prayer session was marked by a sense that any moment God would – or should – reach down and make me Victorious over all that vexed me. I figured I’d struggle with this or that sin or challenge for awhile, then I’d experience a miracle healing, and my life would finally begin. Of course, this never happened and at some point I realized that my desire for miracle healing was less about faith than it was about no longer wanting to be dependent. I wanted God to come down and fix me so that I didn’t have to feel broken anymore, so that I didn’t have to be constantly reminded of my need for Him.

Friday, January 15, 2010 | by nathan

What I’m Working On

Writing a novel is hard, but the beauty of it is that when you’re working on your rough draft, you don’t have to worry about whether or not it sucks. In fact, you can’t worry about that, or you’ll find yourself paralyzed by self-doubt and criticism. Editing as you write is a surefire way to get yourself shackled by the monster known as perfectionism, that oppressive force that will keep you forever wondering why you never lived up to your potential. You keep hearing the voice of your high school principal, or your meanest relative, or your worst friend, telling you this will never work out, that you’d better just go get a job at Aldi and forget about it. Well – probably your mind doesn’t sound like this. But mine does.

All that is to say, I’m editing a novel right now, and it’s really hard because I don’t get to be free anymore. I don’t get to plow blissfully forward, getting my work done each day and keeping the monster of perfectionism at bay. I have to critically evaluate my own stuff, patch plot holes and seek out my worst writerly and grammatical mistakes. It feels less like being an artist and more like being an engineer.

Also, I’m working on new stuff for this website, specifically an entry – or, more likely, a series of entries – about some of my religious and political beliefs. I’m certain these entries will in no way offend anyone at all and that my comments will be filled with glowing praise. I’m also sure the yet-to-be-announced Apple Tablet will be able to make me coffee and will wake me each morning by gently massaging my naughty bits.

FInally, I’m considering starting another blog, on OpenSalon. I have a bunch of pieces that are, frankly, too good to put on this website but have been more or less pocket vetoed by other places I write for on occasion. I don’t want to start another website with its own domain name, mostly because OpenSalon blogs seem to more or less promote themselves, or at least, to make themselves a little easier to promote. I haven’t forgotten you dozen or so awesome souls who read this site. But I did promise myself that 2010 was going to be the year I wrote more, and lo and behold if that resolution hasn’t come back to bite me in the ass a little bit.

Saturday, January 2, 2010 | by nathan

Rolling Over

You may have noticed that things look a tiny bit different here at my little website. I moved the sofa, so to speak, and while I don’t believe in change for change’s own sake, I have been feeling an itch to shake things up blog-wise for some time. So, the Weekly Reader and Daily Photo features are disappearing, and in their place … well, nothing’s rising up to take their place, to be honest. I’m just going to write more.

I started this blog five years ago, just as I was getting ready to start a graduate program in professional writing. It’s expanded to cover more topics than I ever intended or expected, and while I’ve been happy with it on the whole, I’ve never felt wholly satisfied with what’s been going on here. Which is okay, too; the only mission statement I’ve ever had for this website was that it was sort of a living electronic piece of paper on which I was free to do what I wanted and to share with you.

As much as I don’t believe that having a blog automatically makes one a writer, any more than Guitar Hero makes one a musician, the fact is that I am a writer, and though I don’t expect Okay City to net me a book deal anytime soon, I want to get back to the reason I set up my own website in December of 2004 – to write. There will still be pictures, and tasteless jokes, and the occasional political aside sure to net me in lots of "trouble," but the simple fact is that though I never want this website to become my number one creative project, I could be giving it more than I am, and that’s what I intend to do. So, thank you all for reading this, the maybe nine or ten of you who do. You really have no idea how much I appreciate you. (HINT: It’s a lot).

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 | by nathan

Meeting The Pioneer Woman

This is our dining room table about ten minutes before our Christmas party guests started showing up:

Note the red tinsel over the kitchen door. Sometime this week I have a funny story about that.

You can’t tell from here, but there are no fewer than three dishes from The Pioneer Woman’s website on that table. Right in front of the reindeer-head cookie jar in the middle is monkey bread.

This is my friend K.C. Clifford:

K.C. warned me after that Christmas party that I am never, ever allowed to make monkey bread again. It’s too good. It’s too tempting. It’s too easy to stand before that dish and eat every last delicious bite. I mean – buttermilk biscuits soaked in sugar, butter and vanilla? How is a person supposed to resist that? IT’S JUST TOO DELICIOUS, I TELL YOU. But this is what the holidays are for.

So, today, to say thanks, K.C. and I wandered up to our friendly neighborhood Barnes and Noble to say thanks to The Pioneer Woman herself for all the deliciousness, as she was there signing books. We read the Postsecret books while we stood in line. Finally, it was our turn, and K.C. not only got her cookbook signed, but got to give Ree a copy of her new record, Orchid.

Then it was my turn. I told Ree how K.C. had forbidden me from ever, ever making Monkey Bread in her presence again and how my family had asked me to make her sourdough bread pudding for Christmas. She gave me a couple good tips, and I was so excited that I forgot to tell her that it was one of my photos she recently chose as one of her black & white favorites, but I just plum forgot. Which is okay, because I’d meant to bring her a print of that very photo, and I forgot that too.

It’s Christmas. Cut me some freaking slack.

At any rate, she was as sweet as could be, and now i have a signed copy of her cookbook, which is awesome, as I no longer have to haul the laptop into the kitchen with me when I’m cooking her recipes, including SANDWICH! This is good, as my computer does tend to get a little dusted with flour and sugar when I do that.

At any rate, thanks, Ree, for being such a sweetheart, and thanks to K.C. and Brian for standing in line with me. Have a great Christmas, everyone.

Monday, December 7, 2009 | by nathan

Weekly Reader – 7 December 2009

Crossroads and TARP
This is a fascinating story from Reuters UK about Crossroads Mall in Oklahoma City, a destination that is only slightly less deserted than the Area of Exclusion around Chernobyl, and how, because of the Fed bailout, it is now owned by U.S. taxpayers. We used to hang out at this mall when we were in high school; my how things change.

Earth With Rings
A very cool YouTube video showing what present-day Earth would look like from various cities and well-known locales if our planet had a set of rings like Saturn.

10 Brands That Will Disappear in 2010
With the folding or retiring of so many companies and brands in this recession, it’s only reasonable to think that we’ll see even more well-known brands go away. I’m not sure I agree with every item on this list, but a few of them – most notably Blockbuster – are already in the process of going under.

Star Wars Facebook Statuses
The third one down proves once and for all why you should be very careful about making sure the people you work with are unable to see your status. Privacy settings, people!

Monday, November 23, 2009 | by nathan

Weekly Reader – 23 November 2009

Best TV of the ’00s
The Onion’s AV Club does a rundown of the best television of the decade. While I’m of the opinion that this decade has had some of the best television in history, and while I wholeheartedly agree with the inclusion of such personal favorites as Veronica Mars, Firefly, and Futurama, not to mention such obvious choices as 30 Rock and The West Wing, there are some notable omissions. Buffy (arguably more of a ’90s show than ’00s) but no Angel? No Wonderfalls? No Malcolm in the Middle? Oh, well; TV geeks will disagree, after all.

A Creek Runs Under It
"But the creek isn’t all above ground; five blocks of it run under Lewistown. When the town was constructed, part of it was built over the creek, inspiring a unique thrill ride that has become a rite of passage: floating through the town, underneath Main Street, in the pitch black."

Beer In A Box
YEAAAHHH! USA! USA! USA! USA! I think that with the advent of Beer In A Box, our country has completed some kind of transformation, from one type of society into another, wholly unrecognizable one, but the specifics of our new world are too terrifying to postulate.

New Cookie Baking Method
I am SO doing this for my Christmas party. That means it’s time to go get my waffle iron from the shop. Stupid waffle iron’s been in the shop forever.

Monday, November 9, 2009 | by nathan

Weekly Reader – 9 November 2009

The Bitter Tears of Johnny Cash
"In July 1972, musician Johnny Cash sat opposite President Richard Nixon in the White House’s Blue Room. As a horde of media huddled a few feet away, the country music superstar had come to discuss prison reform with the self-anointed leader of America’s "silent majority." "Johnny, would you be willing to play a few songs for us," Nixon asked Cash. "I like Merle Haggard’s ‘Okie From Muskogee’ and Guy Drake’s ‘Welfare Cadillac.’" The architect of the GOP’s Southern strategy was asking for two famous expressions of white working-class resentment.
"I don’t know those songs," replied Cash, "but I got a few of my own I can play for you.""

Steak House – Or Gay Bar?
Being a gay guy from Oklahoma I’m no stranger to the double entendre required when naming establishments of … let’s say of a certain sort. I am speaking, of course, of steak houses, which are on occasion so homoerotically named that one might confuse them with homosexual gathering establishments. See how well you do!

Ever Dream This Man?
It seems that this site is either viral marketing or a giant hoax, but even so, it entirely creeps me out and makes me wish I’d come up with the idea. The horror story, the screenplay, they practically write themselves.

Buildings … OF THE FUTURE!
A cool story and poll at HuffPo that talks about some plans for buildings that are currently being discussed. I’m a particularly big fan of the "dragonfly" in NYC and the submerged hotel in a filled-in rock quarry in China, but I seriously doubt we’ll ever see any of these.