Monday, February 23, 2009 | by nathan

I just get all blargh and burgle and vlurm

I’ve been in an awful mood off and on for weeks. There have been moments of grace and warmth, like when my mom and I got to share a box at the Thunder game with my brother and his girlfriend, and we ran into my cousin Stephen and his new-ish baby. That was nice. There was Friday night, when Brian and I finally, finally got off our asses and tried the Iguana Mexican Grill around the corner from our old apartment in downtown Oklahoma City. We’ll be going back.

But good Lord there have been a lot of moments of total panic, discordant anger, impatient hand-wringing and worn-out, exhausted sadness. I tend to blame these moments on Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I do think that it being February has a lot to do with why I’m feeling so wonky. I haven’t written anything decent in weeks and I’ve been too worn out and whiny to subject my wonderful readers to too much complaining, WHICH I HOPE TO GOD YOU APPRECIATE. This time of year I find myself sapped of energy and a weird combination of lazy and restless: I don’t feel like doing anything at all, but that makes me angry with myself and so I force myself to get up and get something done, the whole time feeling resentful and angry. It’s not a fun place to live.

I spent most of Saturday miserably hungover from our outing at the Iguana Lounge and attempted to recover while Brian went with his family to an Oklahoma girls’ basketball game. It was not a productive or exciting day and I felt like shit for most of it.

The thing I forced myself to do this weekend was to plant the spinach sprouts that I’ve had up for a few weeks in the plot in the backyard, and to pot some of the more ably-performing zucchini plants I had, which I did yesterday. The spinach looked fine but I think I killed about half the zucchini that I transplanted. It’s fine; I’ve got something like 40-50 more plants still in their flat currently sunning on the front porch. It was hard, thankless work, I gouged the fuck out of my hands while I was doing it and managed to piss off my sinuses in the meantime. Still, it’s good to have done.