Saturday, December 27, 2008 | by nathan

Why I Don’t Want To Go See Religulous With You

In a place like Oklahoma, which was the only state in the country where every single county went for McCain in the recent election, liberals, progressives, people who don’t necessarily believe that oil springs miraculously and spontaneously from within the earth*, they tend to band together. That’s why most of the cars at my church have bumper stickers that say things like "Dixie Chicks for President" and "Republicans for Voldemort." I have a cadre of wonderfully progressive and liberal friends (sometimes overly so) who love to bandy about ideas and generally be outspoken and well-informed and all nice and opinionated.

These are wonderful people to have as friends. But when the topic turns to religion, and I tell them I’m a Christian, they look at me as if I’d just said I believe in pyramid power, or asked if they’d like to drink a glass of Kool-Aid and then accompany me on an intergalactic voyage. A lot of the better progressive people I know can’t seem to divorce themselves from the idea that if you’re religious, then you must automatically be a fan of Sarah Palin and stem cells.

Several of these people couldn’t wait to see Religulous.

Now, look. No one pokes more fun at crazy religious types than me. And frankly, I’d rather shove thumb tacks into my eyelids than have a discussion about religion or philosophy with anyone who’s been drinking. But I want to tell you why I don’t want to see this film with you.

It’s because I believe faith is for fools, Jesus is for losers, and that God chose the foolish things of this world to shame the wise. In other words, I think it’s all nice that Bill Maher thinks he’s smarter than me – because in all honesty, he probably is – but I’m well aware of all the rational and logical reasons there are not to believe in God, and yet, I do. I believe in the Resurrection, and Heaven, and while I don’t talk about it all that often**, it’s probably the most important thing about me.

I believe because I feel – in an almost undefinable sense of the word ‘feel’ – that I’ve been touched by the Holy; this doesn’t make me special, but it does make me who I am. Seeing Bill Maher take apart the ridiculous parts of crazy religions won’t change this about me because my belief has almost nothing to do with an intellectual assent and everything to do with a spiritual one. While I believe in being smart, and well-informed, and plugged-in (libraries to me are almost as holy as churches and prairies), I also believe in being humble, and while I’m constantly failing at it, I can with great certainty say there are questions that my brain – that anyone’s brain – cannot answer. There are aspects of life that have nothing to do with reason and everything to do with spirit, however you define that. There are stories we need to hear that can be true, but not historical.

So, no, I don’t want to see Religulous with you. I don’t want to sit in a dark theatre and laugh derisively at all the crazy fundies with you and let you believe that their folly makes all faith invalid. After all, I think Rod Blagojevich is an idiot, and probably a sociopath, but I’m still a Democrat. Just because I think mostly douche bags listen to Dave Matthews doesn’t mean I don’t still love Under the Table and Dreaming.***

*A note to people who chanted "Drill, Baby, Drill:" where’s the One-Percent Doctrine when it comes to climate change, a threat that is considerably more of a potential danger to human life than terrorism?

**I once had a friend whom I knew to be a believer, but wouldn’t ever talk about it. Being nosy, I once asked him, "What are some of the experiences that formed what you believe?" He was silent for a moment, then looked sidelong at me and said, "Mary stored all these things up in her heart." Since then I’ve prayed every day to talk less and listen more when it comes to faith.

***Yeah, I copped to it. What? What?

Friday, December 26, 2008 | by nathan

“So What In the HELL Am I Going To Do?”

I think my favorite thing about going back through my old journals in preparation for Tulsa Cringe has been getting to see just how much perspective I’ve gained in the last, oh, 13 years or so. It cracks me up to think I was ever afraid of running for Westmoore Student Council; like, really? I was scared of, what? Exactly?

I do remember this, though I have to strain. I’d discovered the autumn before this that there were colleges outside of Oklahoma, and that you had to have a kick-ass record to get in. My grades were fine, but not my extracurriculars. So when I saw that there was going to be this election, and that no one had signed up to run for one of the spots, I thought, "Ka-ching!" I filled out all the paperwork – my hand was shaking the whole time because AM I REALLY GOING TO DO THIS? – and when I went to turn it in I saw that this POM GIRL had signed up to run. Hence the "What the HELL am I going to do?"

I wasn’t really concerned with popularity – something I do like about my teenage self – but I was pragmatic enough to know I couldn’t win against someone who didn’t have, ah, the best reputation, and who was going out with a dude who started for the football team and who everyone knew had spent the previous summer working as an extra in Twister. I couldn’t compete with the girlfriend of someone who had personally met Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton; I decided instead to run for junior class office, which I lost.

As I recall, Kristi Blackburn lost as well, though I have no idea to whom, and I did end up on Student Council senior year, though mostly through a prolonged campaign of being as obsequious and persistent as possible, and also by being appointed and not elected. My teachers loved me far more than my fellow students ever did, and I was damned to hell if I was going to college in state, you understand.

I really like my teenage self here, actually, though in a way where I want to take him aside, give him his first beer, and say, "Here’s why you’re freaking out about nothing." But it wouldn’t be adolesence if every challenge wasn’t Mount Everest and I handled every situation with a complete and total lack of perspective.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 | by nathan

Some Assembly Required

It hasn’t felt like Christmas of late. My second cousin had a pretty bad car accident a few weeks ago and is in the Intensive Care Unit; my grandfather is in another hospital in bad shape, and he and my grandmother are currently moving out of the home they’ve had since 1962 and moving to be closer to relatives who can care for them. There’s a recession happening, and Prop 8 passed, and Sarah Palin won’t go away and I keep telling myself that yes, it did happen, Barack Obama is going to be the President, because all available evidence points away from something that great happening this year.

So last week I was telling a co-worker, "Bad things happen in threes. I’m waiting for the third thing."

Last night after work I was home when my mom called – someone had broken into her house while she was at work and ransacked the place; she needed me & Brian to come down and help get things straightened out.

The whole way down I was thinking about the kind of person who would break in to someone’s home, three days before Christmas, and what I’d do to that person if and when I found them. Also, I was thinking about how all the Christmas presents would be gone, and how much I didn’t care. I was just glad everyone was safe. I thought about Jesus, and Joseph and Mary, and the meaning of Christmas, and then I thought again about how I’d love to have the burglar’s nuts in a vice.

Mom’s house was a wreck. The intruder had turned over the Christmas tree and the living room television, had violently swept everything off her office desk, turned her bedroom inside out, but had taken almost nothing of value; just an old laptop she no longer uses, and an album of baseball cards my brother had collected as a kid. The Christmas presents were still in their place, the NBA tickets in theirs.

So – prime suspect right now – The Grinch? I’m not sure.

So, me and Brian, my mom, my great aunt Betty (who is staying with mom while aforementioned cousin is in hospital), my brother and his girlfriend and a few friends helped her put the house back together. The tree was back in place by the time I arrived, and we got everything mostly cleaned up and put away, and we looked around in amazement that more hadn’t been taken, nothing had been broken, no one had been hurt, no other houses on the street had been targeted. Brian went to pick up some pizza and a 12-pack of beer. I sorted files and replaced a blown lightbulb in the garage. Betty lightened the mood by joking that mom didn’t have anything nice enough to steal. When my brother’s girlfriend showed up with a chainsaw (she’d been sent to her dad’s garage to pick up a skill saw), we almost laughed until we choked.

So.

Is this the worst Christmas ever? I hope so. Do I want to get all precious and point out to you the miracle in all this? No, but I’m going to. Because I do believe in miracles; I honestly do, and I can no more stop believing in miracles than I can stop breathing or loving or writing. Thing is, I think things are what you make them, and how you choose to see them, and I choose to see last night as a "Some Assembly Required" miracle, that we all accomplished by showing up, mostly, and by helping where we could, and realizing how much we love each other and, for me, that I’d rather not be anywhere if I couldn’t have these same people close. Some idiot tried to destroy Christmas and it didn’t work. It wouldn’t have worked if he’d got the presents, or anything of value at all, because we have each other. Suck on that, Grinch.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 | by nathan

Samples

I can’t decide what I enjoy more about these carpet samples from Home Depot: the thought that someone might want this color floor in their home, or that they might want to be able to tell people it has a name like "Bell Pepper," "Baked Cookie," or "Stoneware."

Monday, December 22, 2008 | by nathan

Yarmulkes and Hats, Etheridge and Warren

(unedited) Excerpt from a blog post by Tammy Lynn Michaels, a.k.a. Mrs. Melissa Etheridge, on the whole Rick Warren brouhaha:

rick is not a televangelist. rick is not falwell. rick spoke of some "stupid" things he’s said (his word, not mine), some missquotes that were given, and lots of ammunition from the media. all excellent points. (we’re all war-minded right now, you know. it’s easy for the media to distract us by throwing us into our own verbal wars here at home.) ) what to do, what to do…. the rest of the public is given an animation of rick warren… and then my wife meets the man behind the projections, the quotes, the "OTHER SIDE". and he is warm, caring, effusive, and LOVES gays. since he nearly swallowed honey when he hugged her, i tend to believe him. he wants our gay marriages to be just as respected and embraced as the straight marriages. he just wants to wear his yamaka, and me wear my hat.

Gay folks are getting a little out-of-control angry about Obama asking Rick Warren to give the invocation at the inauguration. A couple things from my end:

a) In light of everything else that’s going on in this country right now, this is absolutely not the time to light up the "aggrieved minority" light and try to get the culture wars rolling again. In fact, the best thing the gay community could do for itself at this moment is to try to bridge this divide, instead of exacerbating it. Acting decent and being nice would probably have a more positive long-term effect than acting all aggrieved.

b) If you think Obama’s going to let Warren get up and talk about Leviticus or cannibalism theory, you severely underestimate the president-to-be. If I were being inaugurated on January 20, there are at least 4 people who are evangelical Christians and who disagree with me on this issue that I would invite to pray at the ceremony. Inviting Warren to pray in no way indicates Obama’s agreement with him on any issue political or theological, just in the way nothing about Obama’s life, campaign, or platform indicates said agreement.

c) Obama’s doing exactly what he’s said he’d do since the moment he started running for president: he’s inviting people with a lot of diverse and divergent viewpoints to have a voice in American life and government. Gay people want to have their say, and I have no doubt that in an Obama administration, they’ll get it (openly gay dude for Secretary of the Navy? It might happen!), but we need to be willing to let others have a voice as well. In other words, homos, shut the hell up for a little bit; we’re all sad about Prop 8, but for God’s sake this is not the battle to fight.

Monday, December 22, 2008 | by nathan

2008 In Rearview (Part 3)

BEST/WORST ART/ENTERTAINMENT OF 2008:

ALBUMS OF 2008: (links open into iTunes)

I adored Adele the second I first saw and heard her, and her album 19 (and its remix job by Mick Boogie, titled 1988 and available here for free download), has been a delight this year, though new releases by Coldplay, Ghostland Observatory and The Killers were pretty great. I’d be remiss not to mention how much I loved the new releases by K.C. Clifford (Pockets Full of Hope) and Dr. Pants (the cusack-loggins e.p.), not just because they contain great music by my buddies, but because they’re some of the best that Oklahoma musicians had to offer this year.

Still, probably my most-played new albums of 2008 are the new releases by the B-52’s (Funplex) and Cyndi Lauper (Bring Ya To The Brink), because it’s been a year of fun-jump-around music, and these two albums have exemplified it, proving that just because it has a beat and you can dance to it doesn’t mean that it has to be stupid or Britney.

Worst (new release) album of 2008? I hate it, but I have to hand that one to Madonna, for Hard Candy. Sorry, Madge; it’s possible I was spoiled by Confessions on a Dance Floor, which I loved, but I was not a fan of this one. I’m also still sorta so-so on the new Kanye West, mostly because he’s been choosing style over substance of late, and he’s better than that.

BOOKS OF 2008:

This is a tough one, too, though it was definitely the Year of the Graphic Novel for me. I don’t think I read *too* many terrible books this year, but I did read a whole lot of great ones. I loved loved loved Persepolis and Jimmy Corrigan, The Smartest Boy on Earth, and would recommend either to anyone I met. I’d also be remiss not to recommend Cringe to you one more time, because it really is a gem.

It’s a toss-up for worst book for sure, though Choke, Angel: After the Fall and Americana all sucked so hard it would be difficult to choose, and definitely enough that I’m not linking here to either one. I didn’t love The Time-Traveller’s Wife either, though I sorta blame that on it being an audiobook; still, I have no plans to revisit it in print.

MOVIES OF 2008:

I didn’t see a whole bunch of movies this year because my tastes have angled more toward television. The Dark Knight was, of course, fantastic, and I loved Wall-E and Baby Mama. I probably shouldn’t have even brought this up, because I haven’t been deeply crazy about movies of late. If anyone has recommendations I’d love to hear them.

It doesn’t count as a movie exactly, but if you haven’t seen Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog yet, you have missed probably one of the best things about 2008. Felicia Day is going to be a huge star; you saw her here first. (Or, second, if you were as addicted to Buffy Season 7 as some of us).

TELEVISION OF 2008:

Tina Fey. Tina Fey. Tina Fey. Tina Fey. Tina Fey. Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, Tina Fey in 30 Rock. Tina Fey on Letterman, Tina Fey on the plane with Oprah. Tina Fey on strike with the writers. Tina Fey hosting SNL.

I mostly loved the election, mostly, especially the part where I didn’t have cable and couldn’t watch the droning heads on CNN and MSNBC, so I got to watch it on PBS instead. I loved the Democratic National Convention; I still listen to Obama’s speech there on my iPod at least once a week. When the worst, most annoying person on PBS is David Brooks, you know they’re doing something absolutely right.

Pushing Daisies was great and will be sorely missed, Lost and Heroes were good once again, The Office continued to be fantastic, as did Ugly Betty.

Worst television of the year? Hands-down Grey’s Anatomy. At the end of last season, Brian and I lay in a huddled, exhausted mass on our sofa, swearing off this train wreck of a show and promising never to come back. That’s right, we’ve missed the whole "Denny is Dead but Not Dead Because Look Here He Is" fiasco and have been happier for it. Watching that show is like hanging out with drama geeks – you have a great time and experience a range of emotions and flavors but at the end of it you’re exhausted and bitter and you don’t care if you have to set yourself on fire, you never, ever want to see those people again for the rest of your life. And since May, we haven’t, and we’ve been so much richer for it.

CONCERTS OF 2008:

It was a year of fantastic concerts; the year started off with the Flaming Lips’ New Years Eve show at the Cox Center (going again this year; who else is going to be there?), and that was excellent. I was pleasantly surprised by the Kelly & Reba show, but blown absolutely off my gob by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss at the Zoo, not only because it was so unexpected that they came (thanks, Gustav!) but because of how wonderfully unexpected their collaboration was in the first place.

Of special note was the night K.C. recorded her live album (see link above under "ALBUMS"), because there was a really great energy at the Blue Door that night and the album turned out fantastic.

I got to see Tina Turner this year; that’s worth mentioning because it’s very likely the last time that will ever happen, and for that reason alone it was kinda awesome. But it wasn’t the best concert of the year.

I think that honor must go to the True Colors Tour in June, if only because I can’t remember the last time I had that much straight-up fun at a concert, not to mention the fact that I got to finally see live a bunch of acts I’ve wanted to see since childhood, including Cyndi Lauper, the B-52’s and Joan Jett, as well as seeing Margaret Cho again. Also, Cyndi Lauper grabbed my hand, and I danced so hard against the metal fence blocking off the VIP area (BOLLOCKS) that I hurt my knee.

Worst concert: it pains, pains, pains me to say this, but this has to go to Ghostland Observatory at the Dallas Observer St. Patrick’s Day After-Party. The band was tight, but the crowd was so terrible that they cancelled all the great energy going on on stage. It was hands-down the worst crowd I’ve ever seen; most of them had no idea who this excellend band was, and they were cutting in line at the beer tent, and not dancing, and they were pretty much the definition of Dallas Douches, writ large. I’d like to see Ghostland again with a friendlier, cooler crowd, because as I said, what was going on on stage was ace.

SPORTS IN 2008:

As an Oklahoma Sooners fan, it’s almost impossible to choose my favorite sports moments of this year, though anything involving Sam Bradford comes immediately to mind; especially seeing him fly feet-over-head through the air and into the sidelines, a moment that probably won him the Heisman.

This was also the year that Oklahoma City entered the big-leagues, so to speak, with the arrival of the Oklahoma City Thunder to the Ford Center:

It’s been a lot of fun going to the games, and I look forward to the rest of the season and next.

Worst sports moment of 2008? Easy: Colt McCoy trips over his own stupid feet on the sidelines and suddenly the Sooners lose 30 yards in "roughing" penalties, which cost us at least a touchdown in the Red River Rivalry. Also, Mack Brown’s tiresome campaign to get his team into the Big 12 Championship, acting as if his win over us somehow trumps his loss to Texas Tech, out of whom we kicked the crap. So you’ll pardon me if I gloat that Bradford won the Heisman and we’re going to the Championship game. Have fun at the Fiesta Bowl, losers.

What a fun year this has been!

Monday, December 22, 2008 | by nathan

Weekly Reader – 22 December 2008

How To Make Undead Barbie
Oh crap, I didn’t get a present for the most morbid / awesome / zombie-geeked / 12-year-old and female person on my list! Never fear! Now you can make a zombie Barbie in your own home. You will, ah, need a Play-Doh skull. Hope that’s not a problem.

Obama Logos That Weren’t Chosen
Throughout the campaign I was continually impressed not only by the Obama campaign’s ground game, but also by its visual presence. This story walks you through some logo candidates and explains why the one you saw was the one you saw.

Funny Honey Outlook Sunny
"Heather DeLoach had her four minutes of fame dancing in a bee costume in a 1993 Blind Melon video, but 15 years later – and contrary to the song – her life is not "pretty plain." Now 25, the aspiring actor says her goofy, endearing turn as a pudgy, awkward insect at age 10 continues to generate buzz."

Neave Imagination
Have fun with this; for the life of me I can’t draw an elephant on it, but maybe you can.

Monday, December 22, 2008 | by nathan

Welcome To Garden Ridge. If You Have Any Questions, Our Manager’s Name is Nancy Botwin.

Brian and I were at Garden Ridge two weeks ago looking for a good white Christmas tree to put on our back porch for the party. There were about four Christmas trees in the whole place, but we did find a whole collection of fake marijuana plants. It seems Garden Ridge’s buyer might need to get out and experience the world a bit. We didn’t buy this, though I did take a leaf home with me. (Shhhhh).

Friday, December 19, 2008 | by nathan

Moravian Star

I ordered this blue Moravian star last year and we never hung it up, but when we redid the porch and threw our Christmas party back there, it was a perfect fit for our decorations. Unfortunately, its manufacture is not great, and while we were decorating, the points kept falling out. I’m going to have to figure something else out next year. Or maybe super-glue. Man, I sure do like the way it looks, though, especially when it’s lit up.

Thursday, December 18, 2008 | by nathan

2008 In Rearview (Part 2)

This year I decided we’d explore Oklahoma. I told myself, in April, that over the summer we’d visit five Oklahoma places that none of us had ever been.

The letter of that promise was kept because I did, for sure, see at least five Oklahoma places that were new to me, though when I said that I sorta meant that we’d take five TRIPS, which we definitely did not do. Four dollar a gallon gas and such.

Still, the Great Oklahoma Road Trip was one of the highlights of the year for me. Together with our dear friends the Flynns we traipsed all over Western Oklahoma. Destination #1 was the Glass Mountains area (pictured), where we hiked to the top of a tall mesa and looked out over the prairies, saw some incredible views and amazing wildlife, and where I got to spend a few minutes listening to a silence and a calm that I only ever get in that part of the world.

Later that day we tried to go see the Little Sahara State Park, but it didn’t work out so well for us; turns out you sorta have to have a dune buggy to enjoy that one.

The second trip was by far the most ambitious, and one I’d like to repeat sometime in 2009. The second leg of the trip took us to the oft-ignored Oklahoma Panhandle, and to the fantastic Black Mesa Bed and Breakfast, run by our new friends Vicki and Monty Joe Roberts.

Every moment of that trip was magical for me; the landscape as we drove up and back (best heard with "The Sound of Failure" and "Vein of Stars" from At War With The Mystics), the weird, post-apocalyptic vacationland that is Lake Optima, the Fourth of July barbecue at the Kenton, Oklahoma community center, the hike up Black Mesa, and the magical nights at the Three-State Marker with our cooler of beer and our canvas camp chairs, watching the sun set and the stars come out. I can’t remember when I’ve felt more inspired and more at peace.

(Lake Optima)

(watching the sunset at the 3-State Marker)

We attempted, later, another short leg of the Road Trip, deciding we’d try out a famous Oklahoma barbecue joint; unfortunately for many of us, this jaunt occurred right in the middle of 2008’s great tomato scare, and some of us ended up with food poisoning. Or possibly typhoid.

My first big non-novel writing project for 2009 is going to be a repeat and write-up of these jaunts for a local/statewide publication; I’m working on the proposal now. There are several ideas in the hopper for how to present this, which additional trips to undertake and include, and what other types of media would complement the article(s) well. Carrying the Oklahoma Road Trip forward will be a great joy, because never in my life have I come to love the place I live more than this year. Here’s to continued Oklahoma exploration in the coming year.