Remember these?

They’re the little naturally-velocroey m-fer weeds. They grow like crazy all over my yard, and are especially dense behind the shed. This week, someone – I won’t say who – let Sam out to potty and thought it might be a good idea to let him run around, get some fresh air in the backyard. A well-intentioned plan, but, like Sarah Palin’s political platform, horribly naive and misguided.

Which is how Sam ended up like this:

Those little barbs are specifically designed to attach to animal fur, come off, get stuck, and then – one supposes – get transported to some other type of location where they will fall to the ground and grow anew. Little SOBs is what they are. Now Sam has them ALL OVER HIS BODY. The worst is in his ears, where they are so thick they just about velcroed his ear to the side of his head.

They don’t come out easily, either, and so you have to make him sit there while you basically pull hair out of his ears. He doesn’t like it, I don’t like it, and I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty sure I heard Jesus grinding his teeth and muttering under his breaths in between sips of a gin and tonic. Because they are JUST SO DAMN ANNOYING. And I hate sitting there hurting him while trying to get these little SOBs out of his ears.

When Sam stayed with Jayson and Laurie this week they furminated him, which helps. People, I need a furminator! Sam is not happy with these developments, either, but it’s HIS OWN DAMN FAULT.

Also they’re in his paws:

Still, if that’s the worst thing he’s got going on, he’s got a pretty good life. When I’m not pulling barbs out of his fur, he’s a pretty happy dog:

Of course, if he gets in those weeds again, he’s going to be a pretty dead dog.