Saturday, May 24, 2008 | by nathan

Bell Pepper

This is a bell pepper. I grew it. Yay me!

Friday, May 23, 2008 | by nathan

This Is Really A Word Now?

Friday, May 23, 2008 | by nathan

Sam Fridays: Sam Has A Bad Week

No photos today; just a story.

Sam’s been doing really well, and so on Monday I thought I’d let him wander around the house on his own while Brian and I were at work. He did fine; no destruction, no terror, just fine.

That night he started whining when we shut him up in his room, and it took me forever to get to sleep. I had to go tell him to be quiet five or six times before I finally nodded off, but he started up again at 12:30, waking me from much-needed slumber. I listened to him whine, I told him to shut up, and then as I listened to him I realized he was pacing. It almost sounded like someone doing the pee-pee dance.

So, I got up and let him out, hoping this wouldn’t become a pattern. He immediately went out and did his business, then came back in and was quiet long enough for me to get to sleep. Except I couldn’t sleep; here it was 1:30 by this time and it was hot in the bedroom and damn it all if I was WIDE AWAKE. So I went downstairs, turned on a light and finished reading the book I’d been working on.

At about 4 I went back up to bed and got back to sleep for a few minutes when Sam started whining again. This time I figured I’d created a monster, that he’d figured out that if he whines in the middle of the night that he gets to go outside. I went down and told him to SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP and went back to bed.

The next morning I opened his door to let him out and was greeted with a foul, sweet odor, like something from Jonestown. Sam had puked on the floor.

"Aw, shit, Sam," I said. "I’m sorry." I let him out and cleaned up the pool of sick, which had left a massive stain on the hardwood floor. I went out to check on him, and he seemed fine; he wanted to play with his toy and was running around like nothing was wrong. I felt awful for ignoring his cries for help, and I decided we’d never let him roam the house on his own again, as he’d clearly gotten into - something. I never did figure out what. He slept fine the rest of the week, not whining once when we put him in his room for bedtime.

Then.

Last night Brian and I were watching the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy (ha ha, shut up). Sam was lying on the floor next to the sofa and then got up and began to pace back and forth, occasionally putting his head in our laps. This usually means he needs to go out.

Brian got up to let Sam out and then came back inside, opting to let Sam run around for awhile in the backyard. This makes me nervous, but I said nothing about it, because I didn’t want to be that guy. After 10 minutes or so I got up to let Sam back in.

When I turned on the light on the back porch, the first thing I heard was something rattling - one of my pots on the stone pathway around the yard. Sam came running from that direction.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. He didn’t look up at me.

I ran over to the pots. Even in the dark I could see all was not well; Sam had turned 3 of them over and almost completely emptied the dirt out of one.

Then, I lost my mind. I ran back inside where Sam was cowering, hiding from me; he knew he’d done something wrong. Something snapped inside me; I lost my temper and screamed at him as loud and powerfully as I knew how: "BAD DOG!"

I took one deep breath while Sam tried to run away from me. He got stuck in between some of the patio furniture and trapped, and I caught him. I spanked him twice, and he cried out. I felt like a monster, my rage and disappointment and discouragement welling up in me. I took a step back from him and then ushered him into the house. He ran into his room and curled up in a ball on the sofa.

Brian, hearing the commotion, asked me what was wrong. I was seeing dots by this time, gritting my teeth so tightly together that I was barely able to see. I felt awful that I’d lost my temper, even though I hadn’t spanked Sam very hard. I was blinded - almost literally - by rage.

It’s just so damn discouraging when something that you love as much as I love Sam destroys something you’ve worked really, really hard on. Just that same day I’d had a problem with birds pulling up 10 of my container plants - just pulled them right up out of their pots and then set them back down, dead, as if to mock me. I was already frustrated with the garden and with myself, and to have Sam throw his brand of chaos into that mix created the perfect storm.

I sulked on the couch for awhile, then instructed Brian that on no terms are we to leave Sam in the backyard alone with the plants. He’s dug them up now one too many times, I said, and he can’t be trusted. We can’t just leave him out there to go - we watch, we wait, and we let him back in. I hate to do that; Sam likes the backyard and is usually well-behaved. But I’ve worked too hard on that garden to let him ruin it.

We finished watching Grey’s and I started to feel better. I got up, went in Sam’s room and called him to me. He came, and I sat on the couch with him for awhile, petting him. He lay his head on my lap and licked my hands every time I stopped. Brian came in to check on me; I was feeling discouraged, less by the loss of my plants than by my own awful behavior. I absolutely can not imagine what it’s like to be a parent.

Sam finally forgave me and returned to his jovial self. I went upstairs and lay awake after turning off the light, praying for the grace to forgive myself for being such a horrible steward for Sam, this gentle - and slightly stupid - creature I’ve been given to take care of. It’s amazing that the things you love the most somehow seem to magically acquire the ability to push your worst buttons.

Thursday, May 22, 2008 | by nathan

“What Are You Gonna Do, Bleed On Me?”

This in no way expresses my views on the status of the Democratic primary race - not entirely, anyway - but it almost caused me to poop my pants laughing.

Thursday, May 22, 2008 | by nathan

Perfessional Arthur

Dude! My article on urban gardening made the cover of the Oklahoma Gazette this month. For all you Nokies out there who can’t go pick up a copy of the Gazette when you go out for lunch today, you can read the article at the Gazette’s website.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 | by nathan

Rose in Slice Glass (Still Life)

Before the second of our two recent garage sales, my mom gave me a box of stuff she’d been given by my grandmother that hadn’t sold in another garage sale. I was going through it the morning of our sale, putting prices on things, when I came across a collection of six Slice tumblers. Remember Slice? Here, here’s a commercial:

Mandarin Orange Slice by the pool with a bag of Planter’s White Cheddar Cheesy Balls is one of my favorite culinary memories of childhood. So I squealed with delight, showed the glasses to Brian, who also squealed with delight - his more girlish than mine - and we were like, "UM YEAH WE’RE KEEPING THOSE."

The rose is off the rose bush at the abandoned house next door. Laurie picked it last night when they dropped by for a visit, and it was full of bugs and spiders, as rose blooms are, and so she let me have it. So I put it in one of the Slice glasses, because I thought that looked neat.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 | by nathan

Bloodred Lily

We have officially entered one of my two favorite times of the year: the month before summer officially begins. That’s when the flowers go nuts, the lilies come out, and the entire yard is this canvas of color. You may grow tired of flower pictures on this website over the next month or so, but I promise you, when you’re trapped in your house during the next ice storm, you’ll be scouring the archives looking for them.

Monday, May 19, 2008 | by nathan

Sam’s Makeover

Meet Sam, the unkept hippie dog:

Sam has a beautiful coat and very long, wonderful hair. I know this because most of that hair is in disgusting little tumbleweed piles around my house. It’s getting hotter, see, and so we thought it would be a good idea if Sam had a bit of work done:

Pull back a little; get the whole effect.

Sam! Got a haircut! It’s been getting much, much warmer - hallelujah, praise the Lord, it is meet and right so to do - and so we figured our poor dog was getting pretty hot under all that beautiful fur. Also, he was shedding. A lot. So I took him to PetSmart one day, and viola! A whole new dog.

Not only does he look completely different, there has been a marked change in his demeanor over the last week. He’s got a lot more energy and he’s very, very happy most of the time. He’s just, in general, a peppier dog. Unfortunately the groomers left his tail intact, so he does look quite ridiculous, but I suppose it’s a small price to pay when you’re that uncomfortable.

He’s much happier now that he’s not some dirty hippie.

Monday, May 19, 2008 | by nathan

Rumination

First off, let me apologize for the lack of Sam on Friday. I promise to rectify this omission soon; I could offer some half-hearted excuse as to why I didn’t get to putting up a Sam update, but the truth of the matter is I was swamped at work and just didn’t get around to it. It makes me a little sad to have left it undone, as I have some GREAT photos of The Dog to share. So we’ll get to that soon (like, maybe, after lunch).

The other strand of my thinking lately - something that has actually occupied a great deal of my thought life - has been the promise I made to myself when I finished my graduate degree (I FINALLY got my diploma last week. You know. After a year. Go Sooners!) that I would wait one year before I started thinking about whether or not I want to pursue my education further at this time.

There are so many options; the mind boggles. I have yet to decisively rule one of them out.

I work at a university, and when my employment situation becomes a bit more secure I’ll have the option of attending said university at 75% of the cost and to tailoring my work schedule around classes. This is great if I want to go to law school, but I’m just not sure I do. I think I’d relish the school part, the part where I’m challenged intellectually and get 3-4 years of fantastic instruction. I just have no desire whatsoever to practice law, or to take on any career that a law degree would open up.

I’ve sort of shaken the dust off my feet as far as journalism is concerned; I think the state of the media in this country is largely due to the state of journalism education, which I’ve decided more or less encourages every awful impulse our media has, especially the ones toward sensationalism and do-nothing, know-nothing reporting. I’m looking at you, here, broadcasting. I think that further academic study in the field of journalism would be fascinating, but it just seems like I’d be orienting myself toward a lifetime of frustration.

The most appealing option at this point is further study in my original area of academic interest, one in which I’ve excelled more than in any other: religion and philosophy. I did, after all, begin my graduate career in divinity school and despite the awfulness of that experience my passion for the field has never left me. Problem is, while the options I listed above would require very little of me in terms of geographic relocation - good law schools and journalism Ph.D. programs are available to me locally - for further religious study would require a major change of scene.

I have standing offers from former professors and mentors that would get my application serious play at some fantastic divinity schools. Problem is that none of them are here, and I’ve rather grown to like having my family and all my wonderful friends around. I’ve got a husband who loves his job and a house and a life I’m in no rush to give up. That said, I do know that the career I currently have, while good for me financially, is not something I hope to be doing 10 years from now. So I’m feeling a bit stuck and I’m beginning to chew over my options a bit. I’m trying not to feel a sense of panic or rushedness about this, but sometimes it’s hard, when contemplating the future, to not want the future to get here as fast as freaking possible. Even when the present is pretty dang fantastic, which it is.

Monday, May 19, 2008 | by nathan

Buick Parking Only