Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | by nathan

Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy), edited by Heather Armstrong

I’ve been reading dooce for almost four years now. When I first discovered Heather Armstrong’s blog I’d already pitched a couple attempts at blogging onto the internet and found myself stymied, not only by the general malaise that tends to come with blogging over a long period of time, but with a general lack of community, role models, or the feeling that I wasn’t just shouting into the void. I started this blog when I started finding more excellent sites like Heather’s, written by people with great perspectives and crazy talent.

I was justifiably excited, then, when I found out that Heather was coming out with an anthology of essays about fatherhood, cobbled together from some of the web’s best writers. Though Heather is often unfairly shunted into the "Mommy Blogger" category, her website - and this book - are so much more than the typical mommy blogger fare.

Oh, and how much more. (Click the photo to order).

For me what’s rewarding about having read this book - I finished it in just a few days because of how compelling it was - is realizing the transitions we go through in life in how we think about our parents. In one essay Heather calls herself out for once immaturely trying to blame all her emotional shortcomings on her parents - who hasn’t been there? With age that attitude seems more and more wrongheaded and useless, and we grow out of it.

The book also features a whole host of men writing about their experiences as fathers, which had me feeling heavy and hot with baby fever there for about half an hour while I was reading it. That is, until I got out the bourbon and was able to stay up until whatever time I wanted without being really responsible for the life and welfare of another human being. Until that. But it did get me thinking about the possibilities of parenthood.

A particular favorite moment in the book, for me, was the essay by Sarah Brown in which she extolls her father’s virtues to the highest heavens. I loved it not only because Sarah’s an Okie and an occasional visitor to this website (hi Sarah!) but because what she says about her dad is almost exactly what I’d say about mine, only I didn’t know it until I read her piece.

I think my favorite thing about this book is that it totally defied my expectations. Other than Heather, Sarah, and a handful of others, I hadn’t read much by the authors included in this book. Despite the fact that I am a blogger and a writer, I sometimes find that the internet is filled with needless posturing by people whose main emotional need seems to be the need to appear cool, and so when I see books written by bloggers I’m skeptical: how is this guy going to tell this story so I’ll think he’s the awesomest person ever and want nothing more in life than to have a beer with him?

What we get here is a bunch of people talking without affectation, without pretense about fatherhood - about their own fathers, about their experiences as fathers and how one informs the other. The essays are occasionally hilarious and always heartfelt, and each one of them made me want to call my dad up and tell him I love him. So - I think I will. Excuse me.