Tuesday, April 1, 2008 | by nathan

Projects: The Back Porch

When I sat down at the end of 2007 to think about what I would like 2008 to look like, I made a long list of projects that needed to be done around the house. I divided the house up room by room and tried to figure out what each one needed. The bedroom, for example, needed a solution the laundry problem, and a dresser, and a new bed, and while that was a bit expensive, so far it’s proven to be worth every penny.

See, the thing is that when we moved into this house we had *some* furniture. We opted not to borrow on top of the mortgage to finance new furniture, and I’m happy about this. Still, getting our house the way we imagined it when we moved in has taken some time. Two nights ago we hung framed prints of some of our favorite photos in our bedroom and somehow our marriage has survived BUT THOSE PHOTOS ARE NEVER COMING DOWN, NO NOT EVER EVER NEVER.

We’ve tackled our bedroom, as I said, and I painted the office, and now we only have one room to go: the back porch. Here are two photos of what it looked like under the house’s previous owner, who clearly had much stronger moral fiber than we did:

See what a great room that is? When we first walked into that room, the first time we looked at this house, we took deep, excited breaths and grinned widely, knowing all of a sudden that this house was, in fact, made for us, that we were meant to live here. It was if the house was saying, "Come on out in back! Look at the hydrangeas blooming! Have a gin fizz and relax." It was perfect, and we bought the house, just right then.

Today, the room looks, ah, a bit different than that. See, I’m reticent to post the picture I’m about to post, because it frightens and disappoints me so. But hey, I tell myself, you’ve already seen a photo of my bedroom with my underwear strewn about - how much worse could it be?

Deep breath.

Okay, here it is:

We junked it out. This is about as white trash as it gets, people: the old dishwasher is still sitting out here, as is our old dining room furniture, the huge table which held our television in our previous apartment, the awful recliner that Brian had to sleep in when he broke his wrist, that ridiculous papasan chair that Sam slept in all last summer, some gardening utensils and the Shop Vac. Also, Sam’s toys, potting soil and a whole lot of leaves and dead plants that have blown in over the course of a time. And some bugs. Lots of dust. It’s AWFUL.

See, our garage is very small and won’t hold most of this stuff, as it’s already full to the gills with other crap, like, say, our central heat and air unit and water heater and lawnmower. That’s pretty much all we can fit out there. So the rest of it has ended up in here. Also? When we first moved into this house we had these two awful dogs living next door that barked at us constantly, completely nixing the relaxation factor this room had held. So, we put a few things back there as storage - you know, "temporarily." Then we let Sam live out here last summer, a mistake we won’t be repeating. Then we had to replace our dishwasher and pull up the carpet in the den and do all this rotten stupid home repair and where did all that detritus end up? On the back porch.

BUT!

We have a solution at hand. We’re going to have a garage sale soon, which will help us get rid of most of that unwanted furniture. The rest we’re toting out to the curb on our next big trash day, April 16.

Also, we’ve picked out a patio furniture set we like and can afford. Check it out:

and

These are at Home Depot, and they’re a *bit* more than we’d like them to be, but what isn’t? Also, as the patio is covered we won’t be needing the umbrella over the bar. We sort of imagine the room as a place where people want to gather, where we can cook out with our friends and sit and talk and laugh and share a beer or seven. We could have coffee out here in the mornings and it would be a fabulous place to read or get some writing done.

So we’re thinking the process for whole thing is simple, right - get rid of all the crap that’s back there is step one. Brian cleaned out the garage the other night, pulling aside all the stuff that we’ll put out for the garage sale and making a whole bunch more room. What we don’t sell goes in big trash or gets donated. We sweep out all the leaves and dirt and such, hose and scrub the whole thing down. We lay down a rug, bring in the furniture and make sure that door stays good and closed.

I’ll be sure and post photos during the process and as we go along, but friends, we need some major mojo, because this is the last room we need to do much to in our house, and then, so help me God, sometime before the three-year anniversary of our moving-in, we may even have a housewarming party.