People are constantly asking me what I must be smoking that I, as a gay man, live in Oklahoma. Similarly, most of the gays I know endlessly bitch about how awful and repressive and stupid Oklahoma is, what with its megachurches and Hummers and lack of decent public transportation and endless suburban sprawl and with neighborhood after neighborhood of identical houses with GOP signs in their yards. Most of these people then move to Dallas, with its megachurches and Hummers and lack of decent public transportation and endless suburban sprawl with neighborhood after neighborhood of identical houses with GOP signs in their yards.
This week one of our state legislators, a lovely, crazy woman named Sally Kern, went on a tirade. You’ve probably heard – she said that homosexuals pose a greater threat to America than terrorists or Islam and that they’re busy in the schools recruiting two year olds. Though to be fair, that’s only so we can eat them. BECAUSE NOTHING GETS YOU READY FOR A NICE BOUT OF SATAN-WORSHIPING, WESTERN-CULTURE DESTROYING GAY SEX THAN THE TASTE OF A TWO YEAR OLD SMOTHERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE.
Anyway, here. Have a look:
As I get older I find myself less and less angered by things like this. If Sally Kern wants to let something that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with her life get her that much in a frenzy, fine. I hate what she says, but she does, in America, have a right to say it, and if someone hears this and can come up with no better response than to send the woman a death threat, then, well, that’s where we part ways.
I think what makes me the most irritable about this is that it makes Oklahoma look like some backwater place where homos are hunted down and lynched, where creativity is stifled and we don’t want anyone in our midst who is even the slightest bit different than us. Oklahoma’s not like that at all – it’s not gay hell, it’s not bereft of artistic or creative people and it’s certainly nowhere near as boring as, say, Connecticut. But to the degree that it is unable to attract a higher caliber of creative and productive people, businesses and industries, it is because of people like Sally Kern, who are constantly going out of their way to make people feel as unwelcome, unwanted and unloved as she possibly can. You know. Just like Jesus wants.
Comment by corwin
Just the other day, I was twittering with people who’s main idea of Oklahoma is pretty much that scene in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels where Steve Martin runs around with a pot on his head shouting “Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!” People like Sally Kern seem to enjoy reinforcing that view.
12 March 2008, 11:09 am
Comment by Nate
I had a boss in North Carolina who used to do that almost every time he saw me. It was hysterical.
12 March 2008, 11:11 am
Comment by briantologist
Sally Kern is, in fact, indirectly responsible for our decision to leave Oklahoma. She introduced some fucking piece of Nazi legislation or another — I believe it was an order to segregate the GAAAAAY BOOOOOKS and their obvious pro ‘mo propaganda in the libraries, to protect the children, natch.
Erin referred to as “that cunting Sally Kern” on our blog, whereupon she was removed from her position as a Children’s librarian in the Owasso library and reassigned to the reference desk downtown. The only reason they didn’t fire her is because it is illegal to fire a public employee for making public statements — since the library is a government institution, that would constitute a clear-cut First Amendment violation.
Naturally she felt less than welcome after that, if you can imagine such a thing. We’d been toying with the idea of leaving the state for a while, and that was pretty much the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Fortuitously enough, Erin was offered a job at the American Library Association shortly thereafter, and so the state was rid of two dissenters, two abominable people who dared not hate “the homosexual lifestyle.”
It sucked, though. We both miss our parents, and the opportunity for our son to grow up near his grandparents is lost to us because of the climate people like her create. And much as you state, people like her are the very reason Oklahoma maintains an image of being an ignorant backwater, and thus has problems retaining the fabled “Creative Class” that could improve both its image and its standard of living.
So fuck Sally Kern, is what I’m saying here. Fuck that intolerant, hateful piece of human garbage. I wish I believed in Hell so I could see the look on her face when she ends up there.
12 March 2008, 11:28 am
Comment by Karli
I e-mailed Mrs. Sally Kern a nice little note the other day – no death threats needed – just to inform her that she did not represent me nor my Oklahoma.
But seriously, why focus on homosexuality, when the state legislature is full of liars, adulturers, thieves, etc.? Is it because those are socially acceptable sins now? Are we supposed to gloss over the parts of the Bible that detail our own lives? I must have missed that meeting …
12 March 2008, 11:28 am
Comment by Nate
Brian, thanks so much for your comment. I’m sad that we had to lose two awesome dissenters like you guys.
The library thing makes me especially crazy, as I’m sure you’ll appreciate. I consider libraries to be sacred places that are absolutely, fundamentally necessary in a democracy, and not to be fucked with just to avoid offending the fragile sensibilities of some backwater hicks who are too afraid to think outside their narrow little box lest some demons come take them away in the night.
I don’t blame you guys one bit for leaving. Sometimes this place makes me want to spit nails.
12 March 2008, 11:34 am
Comment by Kerri
Wow. Ugh…
12 March 2008, 1:17 pm
Comment by Karli
Oh, and now it’s come out that Mrs. Kern has a gay son. Niiiiiiiiiiiice. Way to love your kids unconditionally, Sally!
12 March 2008, 8:19 pm
Comment by Nikki
Wow. What a fool she is.
I’m sure Jesus would say that she didn’t speak for him.
12 March 2008, 11:07 pm
Comment by Alan Scott
Fortunately, from the view way out here in Virginia, Kern’s comments do not seem to have triggered any kind of backlash against Oklahoma. Her voice has just been added to the endless queue of all the rest of the homophobic legislators, senators, presidents, etc.
As Karli did, I emailed Kern but did not include any death threats. I asked her for a copy of the homosexual agenda, since coming out back in 1993, no one has ever mentioned it to me, much less let me in the loop. The only people I have heard talk about it were the homophobic heterosexuals like herself.
Still no answer from her, but I’m sure she’s busy with this and that right now. Keep ya posted!
13 March 2008, 7:18 am
Comment by Ryan
Upon further investigation it was discovered she never received any threats on her life.
13 March 2008, 11:36 am
Comment by The Dirty Calvinist
I’m sure the residents of Kensington will be surprised to find out that they are being controlled by the gay agenda.
According to Wikipedia, she’s a Southern Baptist. No large group of people I have ever encountered is so willfully ignorant as the Southern Baptists. And Ms. Sally Kern is ignorant. In the old meaning of the term, as in not having much knowledge. Too much listening to the preacher and talk radio. If Ms. Kern actually paid attention to the philosophy of what the preacher is saying, she might realize that, in that model(note: I’m not espousing this model), homosexuality is a symptom, not the disease. The disease is much more insidious and harder to reach. Pay REAL attention Ms. Kern! Then you might be worth taking seriously and debating. But as of right now, you are just another parrot. And you can’t ever change a parrot’s mind.
13 March 2008, 7:32 pm
Comment by Jeopardude
Kern’s comments are sad. I’m a straight male but I want a humongous gay population here in Oklahoma. I think this will galvanize the sane people here.
16 March 2008, 2:02 pm
Comment by Jane
“So fuck Sally Kern, is what I’m saying here. Fuck that intolerant, hateful piece of human garbage. I wish I believed in Hell so I could see the look on her face when she ends up there.”
Wow. Isn’t this a bit of a pot calling a kettle black?
21 March 2008, 8:23 pm
Comment by julia
i’m straight, my husband is from oklahoma. it’s ridiculous that elected officials can express like this, maybe they do represent most people back there. i am always ashamed when i go there (twice per year) by the level of fanatic christianism, they are like brain washed. that’s a pity. i was raised as a catholic, but had enough brain to get rid of the whole crap early on.
3 April 2008, 12:15 am