Wednesday, January 30, 2008 | by nathan
A Contest: Help Me Write A Non-Lame Banner Slogan, Win A Prize!
A Contest: Help Me Write A Non-Lame Banner Slogan, Win A Prize!
So, I’ve been having trouble with my new February banner. Here it is, in all its glory: (click to see a bigger version!)
It looks okay, right? Now, first off, I have to say that I really like this month’s banner. In case you’ve never looked closely, it’s a photo of a "Smile: Jesus Loves You!" tract in the urinal at my office. Very funny stuff, though I’m sure I’ve been downgraded to Economy seats once I get to heaven. I’ll be in the smoking section, far from the dessert cart.
Anyway, I really like the look of February’s banner, but I’m fresh out of ideas for stuff to fill that big blank space under the title, there. Oh, and I’ve tried:
That’s funny, right? "Utilizing the power of poop jokes to fight the great good fight. Just like Bill Clinton." But, given my recent disappointment with our former President, and the fact that I really don’t deserve to be compared to him in any way (take that how you like), I’m not sure about that one. Also, this site has been severely lacking in poop jokes lately, though I plan to remedy that in February.
So, I tried this one:
Which, while funny, could get me in some trouble. After all, I can’t credibly claim to know what anything that comes from a cat’s vagina tastes like, and I honestly hope to baby Jesus that you can’t, either.
Now you can see the wheels are falling off the whole venture:
I mean, c’mon. That’s not even funny.
So anyway, I’m leaving it to you, dear readers, and I seriously need some help. This banner will have to be completely redesigned if I don’t have some great slogan to stick in there. So I’m appealing to you guys, who, in general, are much funnier than I am. Give me something - anything - to stick in that slot. (Tee hee!) Whoever comes up with the funniest, kickiest, most hilarious slogan - whoever makes me pee a little in my pants - will win a prize. I’ll bake you something, I’ll send you some origami balls or a blackberry cobbler, or some cookies, or some of my allergy meds, or maybe Sam.
No, you can’t have Sam. The postage would bankrupt me, and who would lick my face?
But SOMETHING. I’ll come up with a prize - or a selection of prizes - later. Just leave your slogan in the comments section of this post by 5 p.m. Central Time on Friday. I’ll be in Tulsa, taking my mom to see Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson in concert (ha ha, shut up), but when I get back I’ll sort through them all and decide the best one. There also will probably be a prize or two for honorable mention. So there’s that. Help me out here, internets. I did that thing for you, remember?
| Sweeeet, Interweb |
Comment by Kevin
Isn’t face licking Brian’s job… er…never mind.
30 January 2008 7:44 pm
Comment by Bach
“Because somebody has to live in the Midwest.”
or
“Coming to you live from the crucible of domesticity!”
30 January 2008 8:09 pm
Comment by indigo bunting
It’s too early in the morning for me to have a suggestion, but for the record, I want to compliment you on “makes Jesus want to drink gin out of the cat dish.”
31 January 2008 8:19 am
Comment by natalie
Don’t fry bacon in the nude. or
I thought I knew what love was, but did I? No.
or
If you’re hungry…get yourself something to eat.
or
Wine…it’s like a fermented grape parade…
31 January 2008 9:10 am
Comment by J-Money
I’m always partial to “Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect”.
Thank you, sugar free Red Vines, for teaching me that the hard way.
31 January 2008 12:32 pm
Comment by Nikki
All great suggestions above..especially “Don’t fry bacon in the nude”. Just classic.
My suggestions:
The religious right’s worst nightmare
or
Why Fred Phelps is secretly gay(this one is really bad, but I thought I’d put it out there)
31 January 2008 3:08 pm
Comment by Kerri
Yeah, I’m not sure that I have anything funny to put up there. But, the “Because someone has to live in the midwest” definitely gets my vote. I think it hits so close to home for me that I can’t help but think it’s funny…
31 January 2008 4:33 pm
Comment by jayson
Hey what about
Be fruit fly and multiply
31 January 2008 4:50 pm
Comment by Anon
Can’t go wrong with a simpsons quote:
“Possible Homer Sexual”
i hope that isn’t offensive.
31 January 2008 6:17 pm
Comment by helena
Taking a cue from the banner…
“For the birds”
31 January 2008 8:11 pm
Comment by Michelle
” Because Kansas blows and Texas sucks !”
1 February 2008 12:22 am
Comment by Brian
I’d let you watch
I would invite you
But the Queens we use
Would not excite you
1 February 2008 8:50 am
Comment by Dylan
I just like the fact that this particular comments post requires me to type the words:
men cleaner
1 February 2008 11:29 am
Comment by Sara
I vote for “Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect.”
1 February 2008 11:53 am
Comment by Ryan
Ya, excessive consumption has my vote too.
1 February 2008 11:59 am
Comment by Hypeful
I dunno - how about “Taking my mom to see Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson in concert since 2008″? Seriously, I’m kind of jealous about missing the later half of that bill…
1 February 2008 1:40 pm
Comment by Karli
I like the Murray Head lyric - but that’s because I’m a closet Chess freak.
1 February 2008 9:20 pm