Wednesday, January 23, 2008 | by nathan

I’m In Love With A Wonderful Guy

Brian’s out of town on business until Saturday afternoon. I always go through such a weird kind of mourning process when he leaves for stretches at a time. I’m sad, and panicked, afraid, and then I enter into a kind of weird acceptance - "maybe some alone time will be good for me" - before just going back to sad and missing him. I turn it all into writing material.

Still, of all the weeks he could be gone, this one is the best, as it’s absolutely crazy for me at work. Last night I had to work late, but not as late as I’d expected, and so I got home, had dinner, and fell asleep on the couch with my computer, fully clothed. I awoke at 1:39 a.m., and the first thing I saw was Sam, staring at me, his usual worried expression amped up a bit, like, "Um? Are you okay? Where’s Sane Daddy?" I put him in his room, turned out the lights, got a glass of water and went to bed. I have a lot of trouble sleeping in our bed by myself, and I didn’t get to sleep until sometime between 2:30 and 3:00.

I had weird dreams, hit the snooze button about ten times, and finally lumbered into the shower at 7:45.

The wonderful part - the part that keeps me going - is that Brian left me flowers, and a card for every day that he’s going to be gone. When we spoke on the phone last night I was told that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AM I TO OPEN THE CARDS EARLY. So far Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s cards have been incredibly sweet, and the flowers are beautiful.

It’s been a bad week at work, I’ve been feeling discouraged, and when I go home tonight I’ll sit at my desk for at least an hour, staring at my flowers, and feel a hundred kazillion times better.