Currently Reading
My Photos
www.flickr.com
Okay City on Facebook

Thursday, January 31, 2008 | by nathan

What Are You Doing This Saturday If You Live in Oklahoma City?

K.C. Clifford

Why, you’re coming to see my friend K.C. Clifford record her live album. At the Blue Door. If money is an issue, I’ll totally buy your ticket (though if you’d let me know ahead of time if you need me to, that would help me budget). Also, you may go to this page to hear  K.C.’s currently published catalog, which also is available on iTunes. Have a listen and I hope to see you on Saturday!

Oklahoma, iPod Comments (2) |

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 | by nathan

A Contest: Help Me Write A Non-Lame Banner Slogan, Win A Prize!

So, I’ve been having trouble with my new February banner. Here it is, in all its glory: (click to see a bigger version!)

Blank

It looks okay, right? Now, first off, I have to say that I really like this month’s banner. In case you’ve never looked closely, it’s a photo of a "Smile: Jesus Loves You!" tract in the urinal at my office. Very funny stuff, though I’m sure I’ve been downgraded to Economy seats once I get to heaven. I’ll be in the smoking section, far from the dessert cart.

Anyway, I really like the look of February’s banner, but I’m fresh out of ideas for stuff to fill that big blank space under the title, there. Oh, and I’ve tried:

Bill Clinton

That’s funny, right? "Utilizing the power of poop jokes to fight the great good fight. Just like Bill Clinton." But, given my recent disappointment with our former President, and the fact that I really don’t deserve to be compared to him in any way (take that how you like), I’m not sure about that one. Also, this site has been severely lacking in poop jokes lately, though I plan to remedy that in February.

So, I tried this one:

Vagina

Which, while funny, could get me in some trouble. After all, I can’t credibly claim to know what anything that comes from a cat’s vagina tastes like, and I honestly hope to baby Jesus that you can’t, either.

Now you can see the wheels are falling off the whole venture:

Batmobile

I mean, c’mon. That’s not even funny.

So anyway, I’m leaving it to you, dear readers, and I seriously need some help. This banner will have to be completely redesigned if I don’t have some great slogan to stick in there. So I’m appealing to you guys, who, in general, are much funnier than I am. Give me something – anything – to stick in that slot. (Tee hee!) Whoever comes up with the funniest, kickiest, most hilarious slogan – whoever makes me pee a little in my pants – will win a prize. I’ll bake you something, I’ll send you some origami balls or a blackberry cobbler, or some cookies, or some of my allergy meds, or maybe Sam.

No, you can’t have Sam. The postage would bankrupt me, and who would lick my face?

But SOMETHING. I’ll come up with a prize – or a selection of prizes – later. Just leave your slogan in the comments section of this post by 5 p.m. Central Time on Friday. I’ll be in Tulsa, taking my mom to see Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson in concert (ha ha, shut up), but when I get back I’ll sort through them all and decide the best one. There also will probably be a prize or two for honorable mention. So there’s that. Help me out here, internets. I did that thing for you, remember?

Interweb, Sweeeet Comments (17) |

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 | by nathan

Well, Whatever It Is You’re Not Doing, Go Don’t Do It Somewhere Else

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

"Manos" The Hands of Fate is widely regarded as the single worst film ever made. By many Mystery Science Theater 3000 afficianados it is considered to be one of the single best pieces of source material in existence. For my money it wasn’t the best MST3K episode EVER – not as good as, say, Time Chasers or Jack Frost, it has more than its share of wonderful moments. The movie alone – without robotic commentary – is worth watching just for the laughs.

Anyway, it’s the featured article on Wikipedia today. You can imagine my girlish squeal when I saw that this morning. This is what happens when a bunch of El Paso fertilizer salesmen get together, get drunk, and make a movie on a bet. Also, it’s worth noting that Torgo has his own Wikipedia page.

Movies Comments (0) |

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 | by nathan

Not A Winning Combination

Bud & Clamato

I saw this at the grocery store around the corner from my house last night. That’s disgusting. If you bring this to my house, you’ll be asked to leave.

UPDATE: For the uninitiated, Clamato is a disgusting drink made from tomato juice and reconstituted clam broth. It’s like V8 and cat puke.

UPDATE THE SECOND: It appears that someone has actually tried it, and he makes a good point: "I’m not sure that shellfish is what I want in my beer."

Daily Photo, Proof Comments (9) |

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 | by nathan

I Have A New Goal

Sheep

In general I could give a shit about celebrity gossip. It’s unavoidable, really, so occasionally I find things out, like that apparently that Britney Spears is having some problems. I get most of my dirt from Kathy Griffin, honestly.

So I didn’t really have anything to say about Heath Ledger’s death. He was talented, I suppose, and it’s always sad when someone dies that young, especially when he has a child.

But I immediately got fascinated by the Heath Ledger thing when I heard the Westboro Baptist Church – who have recently redesigned their website, btw* – is going to Australia to picket his funeral.

In general I feel the way about the Westboro people that I do about celebrity gossip: if we’d just ignore it, it would go away. I don’t really feel the need to strap on a set of giant angel wings to go block out their message, because I really don’t fear that anyone is going to take them seriously. Like Britney they do a pretty wonderful job of satirizing themselves; they don’t need my snark to help them to look foolish, and frankly, my snark is better spent on Bush.**

But when I heard that they were protesting his funeral because he’d starred in Brokeback Mountain, I about plotzed. Again – not going to waste snark on it, but I will just say that I’ve listened to this interview with Shirley Phelps-Roper three times, and it just gets funnier every time I hear it. I just hope that when it’s my time to shuffle off the mortal coil and go dance disco and pass out cookies with Jesus in heaven, that WBC sees fit to come tell all the world that I’m rotting away in hell. I may actually want to be buried – or, rather, have my ashes scattered – from a handbasket instead of an urn.

In fact, once I’m gone, could you guys see your way to hooking that up? It would seriously make my day…. er, death.

* Yep, I’m linking to the God Hates Fags site, because I want them to know that I’m gunning for them.

** We’ll get to the State of the Union address later, don’t worry.

Heaux-Meaux, Living In America, This I Believe Comments (5) |

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 | by nathan

Venice Scrapbook

Venice Scrapbook

This fall will mark 8 years since I went to live in Italy for 5 months. Nowhere else in my life has my junkie-like addiction to stationery and paper products been fed like it was in Venice. I still kick myself for not buying 8-9 more of these, and 15 more of the leather-bound journals (I bought two) I got there. All my photos from those months are here in this book, which I’ll totally show you if you ever come visit and WANT TO BE BORED OUT OF YOUR SKULL. The plastic gondola was a present from my dear friend Summer, who visited Venice just before our senior year of high school. I’ve had it for over 10 years, and, as Venice is also the home of a great number of tacky souvenirs, it’s still in a place of honor in my home.

Daily Photo Comments (0) |

Monday, January 28, 2008 | by nathan

The Attack

Brian got home from almost a week in Orlando on Saturday. Just before he arrived home I had decided to put all the plants out in the backyard, on top of a large adirondack loveseat we have out there, so they could get some real sun. I had repotted most everything and it was all doing well, except for the tomato plants I ripped away from their roots and then washed down the sink and ran through the garbage disposal. (A moment of silence).

Brian got home, and we had all the appertaining hellos – kisses in the driveway while disapproving neighbors clucked their tongues, and the like. We talked for a few minutes and then I suggested we take Sam to the dog park so he could work off some of the nervous energy he’d been exhibiting over the last week.

I knew something was wrong the second I went into the backyard. Sam didn’t come running; he was propped up, his front legs on the adirondack seat. I screamed at him, he came running, a horrified look on his face – "Horrible news!"

He’d torn most of the plants down from where I’d put them, chewed and dug into the pots, destroying those weeks’ worth of work and growth and all the excitement I felt. I went to get a look at the damage – it was extensive, almost total – and a kind of rage came over me. A piece of dog poo lay at my feet; I picked it up and chucked it at my dog, who took off running away from me after his own excrement caught him square in the face. I called him back to me and gave him a spanking, screaming "BAD DOG!" in his face over and over. He ran away and hid.

I picked up one of the broken pots and smashed it against the side of the shed. I cried a little on Brian’s shoulder and threw a few clods of dirt at nothing. I screamed at Sam. Welcome home, sweetie!

I watered everything that was still alive and left it in the sun. As soon as we repotted what we could I went and found Sam; he was hiding from me on the sun porch, and when I found him he was looking at me with complete terror. I felt awful, and also, I was only barely repressing the urge to cut him open with my gardening spade and show him his own kidneys.

Instead, I yelled at him some more, then we took him to the dog park anyway. (I’m reasonably certain I’m going to make a terrible parent).

The garden is mostly dead. A few cucumber and tomato plants that I’d put on the front porch instead of in back have survived, and the strawberries, several of which were squished when Sam perched his giant paws in their tray, have come out mostly intact. The asparagus has started to come up but was not outside for the attack. Still, most of the cukes, tomatoes, all of the dill, all of the basil, and the peppers – they’re gone. I threw it all away tonight.

I’ll start a new garden shortly. This time I’ll know a little better how to manage, and hopefully, I’ll be smart enough to keep it away from predatory, stupid animals. Hopefully I’ll be nicer the next time Sam – to put it nicely – fucks my shit up.

That’s all I really want, you know – to be nicer. It’s just – it’s really difficult sometimes, you know?

Growing, Sam Comments (5) |

Sunday, January 27, 2008 | by nathan

Hobo’s Choice

Hobo's Choice

Walking to Ingrid’s for brunch recently, Brian and I saw no fewer than four small plastic bottles of Barton’s Gin empty and smashed on the road or sidewalk. Say what you will about the homeless and destitute; at least they’re consistent.

Daily Photo Comments (2) |

Saturday, January 26, 2008 | by nathan

Yellow Strawberries

Yellow Strawberries

Who knew strawberries came in yellow? How designer! If you look closely at this photo you can see my first two yellow strawberry sprouts. I now have about ten, so I’m thinking that ice cream is going to be yellow, creamy, and strawberry-flavored.

Daily Photo, Food, Growing Comments (2) |

Friday, January 25, 2008 | by nathan

My Interview With Margalit

One of the best things about being a part of the huge blogosphere is that you meet people whose lives are so different than yours, and if you read their words and get invested in their lives, you’re guaranteed to learn some things.

I got to interview Margalit for the Interview Project. I was interviewed by Kathleen, who really raised the bar for questions; I hope Margalit had as much fun answering the questions I sent her as I had answering the ones Kathleen sent me. Margalit is witty and hilarious. She lives in Massachusetts with her teenage twins, Barney Frank is her congressman, and she totally sent me a recipe for latkes! Anyway, on top of reading this interview I hope you’ll check out her blog; it’s really wonderful. She’s given me a lot to think about with respect to poverty, and diversity, and parenting.

1.) I’m not Jewish, but I LOVE latkes. How do you make them?

I grate the potatoes and onions in the food processor, which would seriously disappoint my grandmother who said that every latke should have some knuckle blood from the hand grater to make it authentic. Once they are grated I drain the mixture and squeeze out every bit of water I can, and then dry the mixture off with towels. When it’s very dry, I add flour, salt and pepper and eggs. I mix that all up together, and then add oil to a hot pan. I like the oil to be about 1/2 way up a large saute pan. When the oil is hot hot hot, I drop in a large spoonful of the latke mix and let it brown on one side. When it’s completely brown, I turn them over and brown the other side. Drain on paper towels and put each batch on a plate in a warm oven until all are fried.

Serve with sour cream and apple sauce.

This is the recipe I use, but I don’t fry in olive oil as it doesn’t get hot enough. I use vegetable oil:

POTATO LATKE RECIPE

* 2 lb. russet potatoes
* 1 medium onion, pureed (about 1 cup)
* 2 large egg
* 1 tsp. salt
* 1/2 cup flour (or matzo meal)

* Pure olive oil for frying (not extra virgin)

Peel potatoes and shred in food processor (or, if appliance-challenged, with a box grater). Place potato shreds in a bowl and submerge in cold water for five minutes. Drain, then place in a clean kitchen towel, roll up, and twist forcefully to press juices out. (Use a kitchen towel you don’t like, as potato juice stains.) Set potato shreds aside.

If you are multiplying this recipe, keep the ingredients separated until ready to fry. Then, mix latke batter in single-recipe increments and fry (as described below), and repeat until completed.

Combine potato shreds, eggs, onion puree, salt, and flour — mix thoroughly.

In large skillet, heat 1/2 cup olive oil to 350-degrees. By heaping tablespoons, spoon batter into hot oil and press slightly into latke shape. Do not crowd the pan, as doing so will detrimentally lower the oil temperature — fry about five or six latkes at a time, depending on pan size. Cook five minutes, until brown on bottom, them flip and cook five minutes more. Place on paper towels to drain.

If you are multiplying this recipe, add more olive oil as necessary and be sure to maintain proper oil temperature. Also, you may need to add more flour (by the tablespoon) if the batter gets soggy.

If eating immediately, place drained latkes in a warm (250-degree) oven until ready to eat. If freezing, placed drained latkes in a storage container or foil tray, separating layers of latkes with wax paper, and freeze. To reheat, place latkes in a single layer on a baking sheet and bake at 350-degrees for 10-15 minutes until heated-through.


2.) What would you say Mike Huckabee’s IQ is? Like 10 or so, right?

Oh, it’s hard to say. I’m guessing maybe like 65 or 70. Very below average but the guy isn’t drooling. I do wonder how he actually got elected as Governor of Arkansas. But then again, it IS Arkansas. His knowledge of geography is chilling, though.

3.) I have to say, my favorite thing about your blog is the honesty and transparency with which you write about parenting your teenage twins. Do they know about or read your website?

Yes, they both know about it, and my son reads it pretty much daily. My daughter isn’t much of a reader so if there is something of interest to her, I’ll read it to her, but for the most part she’s not interested. Some of my son’s friends read it as well. My kids tell me if there is something they don’t want me to blog, and I do respect that. So the look you get is often missing key pieces of our daily lives. Additionally, I don’t use their names or the names of their friends or teachers. I’ve been tempted, believe me, but I don’t. It’s pretty easy to figure out where we live, but it’s a city of 90K people with two large high schools so I don’t much worry that the loonys are out for my kids. It’s more important to me that I respect my kids while still painting a funny picture of them.

4.) What, if anything, do you think is missing from the community of parenting bloggers?

Lots, actually. I think that most of the parenting bloggers have younger kids and the whole focus of their blogs is on babys and toddlers. I’m so not interested in potty training, and after you’ve read the same old potty posts 3000 times, it’s just boring. I also think there is a HUGE divide between the people who have been blogging a long time and those that have started in the past year or so. Fortunately, most of the superstars of two years ago have either dropped out or lost popularity so there is a new group of fabulous bloggers who have broken out recently. I love that. This new group of A-list bloggers are so much more inclusive and friendly than the original popular bloggers, so it appears that everyone seems more welcomed, and happier. Most of the backstabbing has stopped, and everyone feels free to promote their new escapades in blogging without being compared to X, Y or Z.

5.) I saw that you recently read Michael Chabon’s "The Yiddish Policemen’s Union." I’m reading that, too, and it’s kinda killing me. So, I guess my question is, what’s a book that you read that changed your life?

There are actually two. The first, "What’s Bred in the Bone", by Robertson Davies, opened my eyes up to a wonderful and dynamic world of art forgery, crooked curators, and how art is used as a political force in conflicts. It got me to researching a lot of the historical cases of art forgery, and to read up on such luminaries at the turn of the century like Bernard Berenson.

The second book is "East Lynne" by Mrs Henry Wood. This is the first sensation novel ever written, and it got me interested in all of the sensation novelists, especially the women like Elizabeth Garret. East Lynne is a real tear-jerker, and it was such a popular book in it’s time it was made into a West End play that was the most popular play of it’s day. In addition, when you know about the book (it’s very obscure) and read Victorian fiction, you note that many of the heroines in the novels are reading East Lynne, much to the chagrin of their guardians.

6.) I love when you talk politics, because you’re the most no-nonsense person I’ve read in awhile. If you were President tomorrow, what 3 things would you do?

1. Revamp the way poverty is defined in this country. As of today, they are still using figures from 1965 to define poverty, even though the numbers are insanely out of date. In addition, I would work to change how food stamps, welfare, SSDI, and other government programs are given to the poor. This country has a terrible habit of hating it’s poor, and that needs to STOP.

2. I would work hard to change the way reportage is handled in this country. I think the way the media has gotten so lazy, and has become so into reporting things in a factually incorrect manner because they are too lazy to check their facts needs to stop. Media has, for example, forgotten the John Edwards is running for President. He is rarely if ever mentioned, which directly affects his ability to run a decent campaign. I hate that. This would, of course, involve uniting the various factions in the congress, who are so far apart that it’s hard to imagine what could bring them together.

3. Health care for all. I believe in Universal Health Care. I believe that insurance companies are running and ruining this country. It is heinous that so many millions of Americans can’t even get decent health care, and that so many more have been mistreated, misdiagnosed, and refused care that their doctors deem necessary by insurance morons who know absolutely  nothing about health care. My ideal would be to totally dismantle insurance companies. If they want to bilk homeowners and car owners out of money by overinsuring and then denying claims, as they did apres Katrina, they should be shut down. If they continue to lie and run shady companies with little reason to exist beyond them making money, they should be shut down. There is no altruism left in the corporate world, and eventually I’d go for huge changes in the oversight of corporate America, making them run honestly and with the consumer as their prime concern, rather than their own pocketbooks.

Um, can you tell that I was a red diaper baby? :-)

7.) So – how about that Tom Cruise?

Oy, talk about a trainwreck. What a complete and utter asswipe he is. WHY do people still pay him by seeing his movies. He’s an embarrassment to the real talented actors.

8.) Can I just tell you how cool it is that Barney Frank is your congressman? My congressman is a moron. All that to say – what’s Barney Frank really like?

He’s hilarious. I mean really really funny. When he’s home, he gets to be the nice Jewish guy he really is. I attended a bris once where he was also a guest and he was telling one bris joke after another. The poor moyel was in hysterics and it took forever to circumcise the poor baby. He lives in Washington more than around here, but when he’s in town, he’s always visiting the high schools and talking to people around town. He’s very friendly and again, funny as hell.

9.) As a fellow insomniac I completely identify with your frequent lack of sleep. What things do you wish would be open, go on, or be shown at night to help the time pass?

I wish they would have marathons of 24, LOST, and House on TV. Or actually marathons of anything would be better than those damn infomercials. I watch a LOT of PBS late at night since it’s usually the only thing on. At 3 the ABC news comes on, and I will  fall asleep to that most nights.

We have a small store down the block that closes at 11 and I wish they would stay open later. And freaking takeout. We have the worst takeaway in our city. One mediocre Chinese place and 1 really bad Chinese place. Many pizza places. That’s pretty much it. I wish Mighty Subs was open 24 hours. I really really wish Mighty Subs was open 24 hours. Instead, it’s open like 3 hours/day, and mostly when I can’t get there. If they delivered I’d be so freaking happy.

10.) What advice would you give to people who are just starting a new blog?

A friend of mine IRL just started her blog about 3 or 4 months ago. Besides giving her advice about her blog design, and how to attract readers, I talked a lot about having a thick skin, and ho not to take some of the negative stuff in the blogosphere to heart. It’s a virtual world. Make sure that you have a clear comment policy, blog about what really interests you, show your passion for the topic or topics, write well, spell check, and keep on slogging. I remember a few years back telling my therapist (also a reader) that I’d be so happy when I got 200 hits/day. That was my goal back then. Now I’d be upset if I got 200 hits/day. So it’s all relative. I guess as long as you’re not telling secrets that can come back to bite you, or libeling someone, then just be yourself. Some people will hate you, some people will love you, and eventually you’ll find your footing, your audience, and your blogging community!

Many thanks to you, Margalit, for such wonderful answers.

Interweb Comments (5) |

Next Page »

Currently Listening

Runner-Up!