So, I’ve been having trouble with my new February banner. Here it is, in all its glory: (click to see a bigger version!)

It looks okay, right? Now, first off, I have to say that I really like this month’s banner. In case you’ve never looked closely, it’s a photo of a “Smile: Jesus Loves You!” tract in the urinal at my office. Very funny stuff, though I’m sure I’ve been downgraded to Economy seats once I get to heaven. I’ll be in the smoking section, far from the dessert cart.

Anyway, I really like the look of February’s banner, but I’m fresh out of ideas for stuff to fill that big blank space under the title, there. Oh, and I’ve tried:

That’s funny, right? “Utilizing the power of poop jokes to fight the great good fight. Just like Bill Clinton.” But, given my recent disappointment with our former President, and the fact that I really don’t deserve to be compared to him in any way (take that how you like), I’m not sure about that one. Also, this site has been severely lacking in poop jokes lately, though I plan to remedy that in February.

So, I tried this one:

Which, while funny, could get me in some trouble. After all, I can’t credibly claim to know what anything that comes from a cat’s vagina tastes like, and I honestly hope to baby Jesus that you can’t, either.

Now you can see the wheels are falling off the whole venture:

I mean, c’mon. That’s not even funny.

So anyway, I’m leaving it to you, dear readers, and I seriously need some help. This banner will have to be completely redesigned if I don’t have some great slogan to stick in there. So I’m appealing to you guys, who, in general, are much funnier than I am. Give me something – anything – to stick in that slot. (Tee hee!) Whoever comes up with the funniest, kickiest, most hilarious slogan – whoever makes me pee a little in my pants – will win a prize. I’ll bake you something, I’ll send you some origami balls or a blackberry cobbler, or some cookies, or some of my allergy meds, or maybe Sam.

No, you can’t have Sam. The postage would bankrupt me, and who would lick my face?

But SOMETHING. I’ll come up with a prize – or a selection of prizes – later. Just leave your slogan in the comments section of this post by 5 p.m. Central Time on Friday. I’ll be in Tulsa, taking my mom to see Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson in concert (ha ha, shut up), but when I get back I’ll sort through them all and decide the best one. There also will probably be a prize or two for honorable mention. So there’s that. Help me out here, internets. I did that thing for you, remember?