Thursday, May 31, 2007 | by nathan

I am a formatting Nazi

I’ve tried four times now to post about the hellogoodbye and Boys Like Girls show B and I saw at the Diamond Ballroom last night, but it keeps coming out all single-spaced and weird-looking, so I will just say the following:

- It was a good show, and we were the oldest people there who weren’t parents of some junior high kids.

- I yelled at two people yesterday who dicked me around, and I’m not sure I regret it.

- You know you’re old when you go to a rock show and still manage to get home by 10 P.M. 

I’d love to have told you those stories, but frankly I’m sick of fucking with it and there’s no way in hell I’m retyping it. Love you all! 

Tuesday, May 29, 2007 | by nathan

I fully plan on leaving my heart there

Counting today, there are 9 work days and 11 actual days before Brian and I leave for what was to be our honeymoon in San Francisco. We talk throughout the day on iChat, and just now he asked, "Is it just me, or does this trip seem to get better and better the closer it gets?"

I said, "JES!"

I planned this trip for us as part of Brian’s Christmas present, then let it sit on the back burner while I went through the most hellacious semester of my graduate school life. Once the thesis was out of the way and the diploma just a matter of paying off my bursar bill, I was able to sit back and think about these 7 days and 6 nights we’re spending in the Bay Area, and I started getting really, really excited.

The plan is to leave on Friday night and drive to Dallas, where we will spend the weekend in my favorite hotel in the entire United States, The Belmont Hotel, a fantastic little road motel that has been modernized and wonderfully decorated, and which features an amazing bar and stunning views of downtown Dallas. Brian booked us this room:

We plan on spending our Dallas weekend just luxuriating in our hotel room, emerging occasionally to see a show in Deep Ellum, eat at Monica’s and Cafe Brazil, do some dancing at S4 and some shopping at, among other places, IKEA. So if any of you Texas dwellers want to kick it while we’re there, let me know as soon as possible. 

Our flight for San Francisco leaves on Monday morning. I remember that when I was a kid, my dad’s brother Bill lived in California, managing campgrounds in the mountains near Mono Lake. We used to drive – yeah. Drive. – from Oklahoma to California to visit him, and once Dad skirted the edges of San Fran just so we could see it. I just barely remember that.

I am hella-stoked about the trip, and every day that passes I get more excited. I just booked us tickets to go see the Indigo Girls at the Fillmore on the night we arrive. The freaking Fillmore! Could I be more stoked about this show? I’ve been dying to see the Girls in concert for probably seven or eight years, and I’ve wanted to see a show in the Fillmore since I was fourteen. I mean – wow. Our attendance at the concert is predicated upon there not being any major delays with our flights, which would honestly be a small miracle, but I totally believe in miracles these days, and now I’m just worrying about what I’m going to wear and practicing what I’m going to say when I inevitably get mistaken for a lesbian.

The next day Brian and I are going to Napa to check out some wineries. I asked him to rent us a car for that day, as I do not like organized tours and I get sick on buses, and for the longest time he wouldn’t tell me what he got. Finally, he fessed up that he got a one of these:

Normally I’m not a huge fan of the Stang, but hell! It’s a convertible! In California! In Napa! As we tour wineries! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Am I the luckiest boy on the entire planet? Yes, why yes, I think so. We still need to sit down and figure out which wineries we want to see, but I’m thinking a stop at Odisea is a must, as we were lucky enough to sample their wine at a tasting dinner at Deep Fork Grill recently and really enjoyed it. That day we will wind up in Petaluma, where we have tickets for Glen Phillips featuring the Watkins Family and Grant-Lee Phillips at the Mystic Theater. So, it turns out that yes, I could be more stoked, because I’m peeing my pants as I write those words.

While in San Fran we’re staying at the Parker Guest House, a wonderful little gay bed and breakfast in the Castro District:

I don’t usually go in for "gay" places, because my experience with them pretty much consists of the Habana Inn, but this looks really nice, even if it’s just so quaint you could die. We haven’t made any plans past our travel-through-Napa-then-see-Glen-Phillips day, and I like it that way. The most miserable trips of my life were ones where everyone was running around trying to see as many things as possible. Brian and I have both said that we wouldn’t care if we ended up spending one entire day just in the room, luxuriating in bed with a bottle of champagne and room-service dessert. But that’s just how we roll. We each have a couple friends in the Bay area we’d like to see, and of course we want to spend some time wandering around the Castro and Haight-Ashbury. I’ve heard Marin County is cool, and when we have the car I’d like to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge just to say we did it, but other than that I plan on remaining fully relaxed, seeing what we see, and doing what we do. The Flynns hit San Fran back in March, and our friend Todd has a whole binder full of Bay Area travel info he collected on his trips there, so we’re pretty well stocked up with "must-do" things, though I’m open for suggestions.

In the end I plan on having 11 days to relax with my man in Dallas, one of my favorite cities, and San Francisco, which I’m sure will become one of my favorite cities. These next two work weeks absolutely can.not come and go quickly enough, I tell you.  

Thursday, May 24, 2007 | by nathan

214 – Massimo

Meeting him in Italy scared me, because he liked me, and I liked him, and for a few blinding moments, I wasn’t afraid, and that’s frightening.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007 | by nathan

unfinished

Salon has an article this morning that says pretty much everything I was going to about the Veronica Mars finale, but I would like to drive home one point:

When Angel was canceled, the writers did everything they could to bring the loose ends and storylines to a close, and though the resolution was occasionally heart-wrenching, they did it. You kinda knew Wonderfalls was going to get it from the start, but when the DVDs came out at last and you got to see how the story played out, it was satisfying, if not short-lived. Same deal with Firefly, and hell – that even got a movie. 

Clearly Rob Thomas, the creator of VM, went for the optimistic and wrote this last episode like he was going to get to have more, and so he left us hanging, and now I’m feeling a bit more bereft. This is all stupid, I know, because it’s a television show, but the fact is that when a story is well-told – no matter the medium – we should, as an audience, feel ourselves drawn into that story. It’s a sign of good storytelling. 

Other shows will come along, they always do, and these other shows will probably also get canned so the network can show – I don’t know – all the complete and utter crap they keep trying to feed us over and over and over and over.

You’ll be missed, Veronica.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 | by nathan

the kind of problem you want to have

Have I ever told you that I have the best man on the face of the Earth? I have? Oh good. Because I do.

Brian and I started dating over two years ago, after several months of friendship and pretty-much-constant hanging out. I asked him to marry me on November 18, 2005, over 18 months ago. We have tried on two separate occasions to plan a wedding, and have failed both times. People are either starting to really get on our case about it, or, like someone said to me last weekend, "I’ve just stopped asking."

Why? you might ask. Why, if two people love each other, would they be so lax about planning the most important day of their lives? I’ve been asking myself this same question a lot lately, and this weekend, on the way to a friend’s baby shower (a friend who got engaged AFTER me and Brian, might I add, and who is now 7 months pregnant), I got to talking to my friend Laurie about it.

It bears saying right up front that no part of this has to do with mine or Brian’s feeling about our relationship. This is the healthiest, at once most comfortable and challenging relationship I’ve ever been in, and all of that is good. Ever since we got together it has kinda felt like we’ve been married forever already; we trust each other completely but are not codependent, we help each other out but have a really healthy sense of boundaries. I could go on. What I’m trying to say is that our heretofore lack of wedding has nothing – repeat: nothing – to do with either one of us having doubts about the marriage. 

The biggest problem to date has been logistics. Whatever we do, we’re going to have to pay for it ourselves. That’s been a problem, what with me in grad school, us buying our first house, and not really being able to save a lot of money so far. Also, we haven’t had time to do much planning. Again – me in grad school, Brian working, and when we are together we want to enjoy our time, rather than planning for something we’re not totally sure we’ll be able to afford.

But now, those logistical roadblocks are starting to break down. I graduated a couple weeks ago, and have been given a full-time job, at least for the next few months, making pretty good money, and my stress level is already approaching normal. It’s nice. So, in the face of this newfound sense of (limited) financial ease and all this extra free time on my hands, I’m asking myself, "Now what?"

But we still haven’t been talking about it much, and when people ask we dodge the question. Then, last weekend on the way to the baby shower, I realized something: I don’t like the idea of a bunch of people staring at me while I go through one of the most intimate and personal experiences of my entire life. Even if we only invited about 50 people (which is what we’ve been thinking), and each one of those people was someone we dearly loved, and to whom we’d likely open up completely in a conversation, the idea of a crowd doing anything related to watching me is horribly frightening. This is why I can only sing karaoke when drunk, and why, despite a deeply theatrical, histrionic personality and a decent singing voice, I never participated in theatre or music. I don’t like being the center of attention, I don’t like people looking at me, even if it’s in a good way. This is why I am a writer: you can be creative and expressive without anyone having to look at you. It’s the best of both worlds.

So, what? Is this now a psychiatric issue? Does all of this speak to some deeply-held insecurities with which I should be dealing, or am I just the kind of person who doesn’t like to put it all out there emotionally for the world to see, and that’s perfectly okay? Should I just get over it? Or should we elope, then have a giant party? Some people have suggested this, though to be honest, we have quite a lot of parties now, and I don’t want our wedding to be just another party. But, maybe, because it’s our wedding, it wouldn’t be. But then there’s that problem again: people staring at me. People getting their hands all in my stuff, which I like to keep mine, thanks.

Maybe it’s immature of me to feel safer to be able to keep my emotional and special moments to myself. Or, maybe it’s immature to feel like I ought to go against my strongest tendencies to do so just because I’m worried I might hurt people’s feelings by getting married and not having a wedding they can all come to. I do want to stand in front of him and promise to love him forever; I’m just not sure what I want that to look like, or what we need that to be.

I’m honestly not sure how any of this shakes out, but I keep putting it all in perspective by reminding myself that I do, in fact, have the greatest guy on the face of the Earth, someone who sees the faults I have in high definition, because that’s how they’re usually broadcast, and who still lets me spoon him every morning while hitting my alarm for an hour, and who still wants to be with me, forever. I call that good. 

Monday, May 21, 2007 | by nathan

write it down, in different color felt-tip pens

I just finished making a sort of mini-Uberlist for this summer, a small wishlist of things I would like to happen before Sept. 22, the last day of seasonal summer. That gives me four months. These are things that, for the most part, are much more specific and doable than some of the things on my 2007 Uberlist. I’d like to get back into my 32-waist jeans, for example, and to get another tattoo, and try to get to St. Louis to see my friend Summer before she doesn’t live quite so close anymore.

I always feel hopeful at the beginning of summertime, and this year the feeling is amped up because I don’t have this brick wall staring me in the face where I have to go back to school in August. It’s a nice feeling.

That said, last weekend I mentioned to my mom and brother that I’m thinking of taking the LSAT, and my brother mentioned that he’d begun wondering how he’d do on it. So that very night I went to the bookstore and bought each of us an LSAT prep book. Really all it is right now is that I want to know how I’d do on the test. I just want to see. The idea of opening a law practice with my little brother does sound appealing, but four more years of school – we’d both have to do the part-time program at the law school where I currently work – does not appeal to me at all. 

So I figure what better way to find out if I have it in me than to study for the test? Taking the LSAT isn’t a commitment; it’s just a challenge. After all, with no more classes required of me, it’s fallen on my shoulders to keep my brain active and alive. I’ll do that – for now – by studying for the LSAT, editing this novel I just wrote and getting it ready to send out into the great big world, and readying myself to start writing the sequel.

I’m also getting back to the book project. I have fallen over 2 months behind, but I think I might still be able to catch up and have read 52 books by the end of the year. One thing I would like to do is to read all the Harry Potter novels once more in the weeks leading up to the release of the final book. Those of you who only read important fiction and like to sit around patting yourselves on the back can bite me, and in the interest of full disclosure I’ll go ahead and tell you that last week I read the new release from Michael Crichton, and it was fantastic. Anyhow, does anyone want to do sort of an online HP book club before Deathly Hallows comes out? I’d like to do all six novels in three or four weeks, because I want to have the wheels turning fast for the last one, but I’m not married to that idea.

I joined Brian’s gym two weeks ago, and we have been going together every night, working out together, keeping each other motivated. It’s nice, actually, because one of the things I always hated about going to the gym was that I always felt so out of place there. With Brian around, I know there’s someone on the next treadmill who loves me, and it has become this incredibly fun ritual. I’ve been riding my bike to work every day and eating well, and all of this has me feeling pretty good.

Now, it’s time to get on that bike and ride home, but my comments are open. What are you hoping that Summer 2007 holds for you? 

Friday, May 18, 2007 | by nathan

CW stands for Crap World

So …

Veronica Mars got canceled. So, for the next two or three weeks, those of you who watched American Idol instead, try your best not to speak to me, at least, not about television, because you know why? Because you missed out on – and killed – what was probably the best show on television in the last five years. But oohhhhh no, if it doesn’t have shaky camera work, people handing out roses or half-talented nimwits singing shitty BeeGees songs, you sad sacks of shit aren’t interested.

Fine. But just for this, I’m boycotting the CW, which would rather us watch a bunch of whoring sea donkeys than a wonderful piece of teen mystery noir so well written that the likes of Kevin Smith and Joss Whedon were willing – hell, overjoyed – to come play piddling little walk-on parts on it.

Fine. Fine fine fine. America’s taste in television sucks, and the networks don’t know how to support shows just because they add to the cultural landscape. We knew this. After all, remember Wonderfalls? Angel? Carnivale? Dead Like Me? FIREFLY? All wonderful pieces of writing/directing/acting that were axed long before their time because they weren’t the next big breakout hit. I’m not surprised, necessarily, but it’s always so damn disappointing, especially considering that shite like According to Jim and all eight or nine Law & Orders get picked up year after year after year.

Also, I love good storytelling, and as a writer I’m familiar with this idea that you have to keep the drama building, keep the stakes high, and give people a reason to come back, but the Grey’s Anatomy finale could’ve resolved, like, at least one damn thing before sending us off for the summer to wonder: what will Callie say to Izzie? Will George be staying (T.R. Knight has said he’s coming back next season, but still). What about Derek and Meredith? Is Burke gone forever? Why didn’t Bailey get chief resident? COME ON!

Lost and Heroes finales are up next week, and along with Veronica and Grey’s they form the last of the four shows I watch weekly that aren’t animated. It better be good, because so far this has been a disappointing sweeps month.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 | by nathan

I See Your True Colors, Shining Through…

So, for those of you living under rocks: Jerry Falwell is dead.

I got no less than ten messages yesterday – e-mails, texts, MySpace, and Facebook were the media of choice – saying, "Isn’t this wonderful? The old sonofabitch is dead!" It all got me thinking.

Do I think Jerry Falwell was a self-righteous son of a bitch? No doubt I do. Do I think it’s right to celebrate when someone dies? Absolutely not. Imagine this: if you knew that, after you died, millions of people would be clapping each other on the back and offering to buy each other drinks so they could toast your soul to burn in hell, how would you feel? I’m sure Jerry has plenty of people who are genuinely saddened by his passing, so I’m not trying to balance the scales here. I just think that – yes, the world will quite likely be a better place without Rev. Falwell in it, at least for awhile, until someone rises up to take his place in the Pantheon of Religious Douchebaggery.

But the fact is, there are a bunch of peace-loving, left-wing liberals out there who are celebrating – celebrating – the fact that someone died. These are people who, like me, do not believe in the death penalty, who want the war to end, and who oppose most of what Rev. Falwell taught on the basis that it causes irreparable harm, and sometimes death, to people who do not deserve it. So if we truly believe the things we say we do, we will stop a moment to offer Jerry what he never offered us: a tiny little teaspoon of respect, good wishes for his family, and a moment’s rest.

If we don’t, then we’re really no different than he was, and if that’s the case, then we still have no right to celebrate. Either way, stop being happy that someone died, because the more he can make you hate him, and the more that hatred causes you to pander to the worst, most base instincts in yourself, the more hatred wins.  

Saturday, May 12, 2007 | by nathan

’till Daddy takes the T-Bird away

I skipped my graduation ceremonies last night and this afternoon, though, as a work obligation, I had to go to a law school commencement. It got me thinking about things I’ve been thinking too much about lately anyway: namely, the fact that I’m almost 27 years old and still not completely sure what I want to do with my life.

That aside, things are awesome. Now that I’m gradumicated (a word we made up at Wake) things are calming down. My contract was extended at work, largely because I proposed a huge project to work on this summer, and so all you freelance writers out there can expect to get a call from me offering work.

Last night we grilled for the first time. We cleaned the house and made a grocery run, and pretty soon the house was overflowing with people drinking beer and eating burgers. We tend to do this a lot during the summer. Also, Boulevard Zon is back, so we should really all just enjoy it while we can.

The beginning of summer always makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to get up early, and accomplish things, to spend lots of really quality time with my friends and do a lot of reading. So I’m planning on that. A few other notable features of the season ahead and some plans I’ve made include:

- Enjoying the hell out of myself in San Francisco on mine and Brian’s vacation. 

- Going to see Cyndi Lauper, Margaret Cho and Rufus Wainwright in Dallas on the True Colors Tour.

- Spending a weekend in Dallas at the Belmont Hotel, where I’ll drink gin fizz while looking out over the skyline, after a day of shopping at Ikea, eating and seeing shows in Deep Ellum and hanging with my Dallas friends at S4. Yahoo!

- Massive barbecues, family dinners, baby showers, and general revelry.

- Jon and Tish moving to AUSTIN! Road trips to see them there, and one last one to St. Louis to see Summer before she heads off for Charlottesville for the next six or so years.

- Revising this wonderful novel I’ve written and getting it off to publishers.

- Nights on the lake on Todd’s boat.

- OKC Pride.

- Being in charge of the entire magazine – the entire OFFICE – at work.

- Joining the gym at OU Health Science Center.

- Just as summer ends, my five-year college reunion and Wake Forest Homecoming.

- Long nights, great people, and a life I couldn’t improve on if I tried. 

Friday, May 11, 2007 | by nathan

“Chinese food makes me sick.”

So I was reading this wonderful thread over at Salon, and decided – "Fuck it. That’s a meme waiting to happen." Even though I hate memes, I like this topic:

Where were you freshman year of college?

List five things you remember about your freshman year. Here are five very 1998-99y things about my freshman year:

1) The advent of Britney Spears, LFO and Abercrombie and Fitch. Two guys on my hall worked at A&F and brought home those horrible, gigantic black and white posters and put them in our hall while blaring "Baby One More Time" and that stupid LFO song about "girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch." It all had me considering homicide.

2) President Clinton getting impeached, Matthew Shepard, Columbine.

3) Discovering smoothies at the Juice Shop with Tish.

4) Studying under a tree in Reynolda Gardens with Summer.

5) Friday nights after large group with Intervarsity. 

So let’s hear it, kids! What was the haps your freshman year of college?