Friday, January 12, 2007 | by nathan

“Somebody’s Having A Flying Lesson!”

So, there’s this minor ice storm hitting Oklahoma right now. Out the window of my office it looks like the tiniest little bit of snow has fallen. No big deal, right? Right. Okay, so people are FREAKING OUT.

On the news last night they were telling people to stock up on food for three days and to make sure they had plenty of blankets, and propane, and a good generator. Like we’re going to war. My church, which I love and adore, sent an email with the subject line, "WILL WE CANCEL CHURCH?"

Calm down, Oklahoma. Just calm it on down. Yes, we’re all getting off work early and this is nice, but drive slow and don’t panic. Don’t stock up on food, because you will not be trapped in your house by two inches of ice. Don’t go outside and turn off the gas. Just calm it on down, we’re going to get through this. Step one is to breathe, and to make sure not to watch Channel 4 anymore. Or Channel 5. Or Channel 9. Just turn off the news, because they’re trying to freak you out so you’ll keep watching. Until very recently I taught broadcasting classes, so I know this to be true. We’re going to be okay. Stop being stupid; you’re making us look bad. Or rather, you’re making us look worse.

The upside of all this is that I get to go home at noon, and Brian got off already, so that’ll be nice. Drinking, playing Nintendo, and bumming around at home the rest of the day.

The downside? I have finally decided once and for all that broadcast news is one of the great evils of our time. Maybe not nationally broadcast news, though that is pretty bad, but local news? Awful. Don’t watch it.