Wednesday, December 13, 2006 | by nathan

Really?

We haven’t had a lot of parties at the house, Brian and me. We had three parties last winter that got kind of out of hand. The first was when my friend Summer was in town; I invited a few people over for drinks and dinner, and those people invited people and it became this huge, out-of-control thing, wherein Summer - at that time wearing a C-Collar after a horrible thing with a tree and a car and a bolt of lightning - got kind of ignored, and I felt horrible, because she was the one I wanted to hang out with.

Our Christmas party was fun, if not a bit too crowded and not quite intimate enough. When we threw a going-away party for our friend Bryon, I knew we’d never have another big party at the house again. People invited other people, who invited more other people. There were drugs in my house. People smoked cigarettes on my screened-in back porch. They drank the free liquor and then left to go out to the bars. Some people had sex on the papazan chair on the back porch. Other people hooked up in my bed. IN.MY.BED. How you gonna go to someone’s house that you don’t know, drink up all they free liquor, then GO HAVE SEX IN THEIR BED? Who raised these people? Prostitutes? Britney Spears? SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE. HAVE SOME GODDAMN SENSE.

Finally, at four a.m. or so, I kicked everyone out of the house. "All y’all got to get the fuckout. Go on, get the fuckout."

"We’re drunk. We can’t drive! Let us stay on the couch! We love you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! Totally love you!"

"What’s my name?"

A long pause.

"Yeah, get the fuckout."

So we’re having a Christmas party this weekend, and I’ve invited only - relatively - a few people. They are all people about whom I care deeply and whom I see on a more-or-less regular basis. I wanted to keep it small so that I’d get to talk to everyone, and so that I wouldn’t have to put anyone else on the list of People Who Are No Longer Invited To Our House. 

If you didn’t get an invitation, please don’t be offended; it’s probably not going to be that great of a party anyway.* I just wanted to keep it very small, and I really, really didn’t want anyone to have to be out there driving after I kicked them the fuckout of my house. It’s not that I think you’re that type, or that you’d bring all kinds of people who were on The List. I just wanted SMALL.

*To the people coming to the party: I just said that so they wouldn’t feel bad. It’s totally going to rock, and if you haven’t RSVPed yet, you definitely should, because we’re going to have a lot of fun.