Thursday, November 30, 2006 | by nathan

Dutty South

So provided that we can get through the freezing rain of the winter storm that is seriously fucking with Oklahoma right now, Brian and I are off to Dallas to catch a plane to Atlanta to see my friend Woody. I may have internet access, but my thinking is that the x365 project will be on hold for a few days. Of course, it is entirely possible that we will die trying to drive on the ice. But barring that, I’ll be spending the next few days in the warm south, eating Thai food and talking with Woody. Pictures will be forthcoming.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006 | by nathan

What Creativity Looks Like

I’m hung up on this 100-word passage I have to write for work – Boss Lady and I both are. I’ve been playing "I Am Woman" over and over, drinking water, making jokes, but nothing is working. I can’t bake, because I’m at work and we’re not so much with the Kitchenaid here. So, I got really desperate and started taking photos of myself with my iSight camera. Here’s what the writing process looks like. All you non-writers, say a quick prayer of thanks for your lot in life.

Sunday, November 26, 2006 | by nathan

::void::

It’s 5 p.m. on Sunday; Thanksgiving Break is over. It is, for all intents and purposes, quite likely the last one I will ever have.

I cannot tell you how absolutely stoked this fact makes me.

Okay, sure – next year I’m sure I’ll have a day or two off for the holiday, but even if I work in higher education I will never have to refer to something as a "break" again. Sure, I’m giving up spring break and summers this way – maybe – but I’m gaining so much more. I am, for the time being, absolutely sick of being a student. I’m 26 and ready to have a master’s degree. Soon, I will.

Brian and I cleaned the house today. My office, for once, is spotless, which is a little eerie and unsettling; it leaves me waiting for the other shoe to drop, because at once I feel like I am ready to get started on the myriad projects I have due in the coming week, and also that I should take a step out the door and hermetically seal the room, leaving forever in its currently-pristine state.

Thursday morning we take off for Atlanta to visit my good friend Woody. So this will be a short week. Four more days of class and I’m free from the hell that is broadcasting; I asked the director of graduate studies to get me out of there next semester, and he promised to make that a priority. Next semester is my last semester. I am sitting on the edge of freedom, one semester to go, and I am so unbelievably excited I think I might crap my pants.

Oh, yep. There goes. 

Friday, November 24, 2006 | by nathan

Yes, and we can also have ice cream for dinner

At 9:30 A.M., Black Friday 2006: 

Brian: So what should we do today?

Me: I’m not sure. What would you like to do?

Brian: We should just start drinking now, and not stop until tomorrow.

Me: (smiling suddenly) Wait, can we? Are we allowed to do that? Is that something we’re allowed to do?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 | by nathan

oh, and while you’re out, we need milk.

So I’m working on my Überlist for 2007, but at the same time I am sitting here watching Nightline, where they are profiling Stephen Baldwin, who has become something of a monster celebrity in the evangelical youth movement. All that stuff – Christian skate punks and the like – at once holds a special place in my heart and really creeps me out a bit. Anyway, so I got stuck on the list, and I wrote the following in frustrated wonderment:

34) Get an abortion. 

Saturday, November 18, 2006 | by nathan

Also, long walks on the beach, foreign films and quiet nights by the fire.

So Bri and I went into the local Christian bookstore today, for no other reason than we were curious what new forms of inanity the church community had concocted to sell to its unwitting members. At one point I was so fed up with the books about how to cure homosexuals – shelved, interestingly enough, directly across the aisle from a display shelf of Ted Haggard’s books – that I threw up my hands and bought this shirt:

Now, I want every gay boy in Oklahoma to go and buy one. They’re on sale for $10 at the Mardel on Northwest Expressway. The clerk was a little nervous – though I could’ve sworn there was a look of amusement there. Anyway, it looks great and you just might see me out at the bars sometime very soon wearing this. I’m not sure what any of this accomplished, but I sure do like the shirt.

Saturday, November 18, 2006 | by nathan

Santa’s Coming Up The Chimney

Diana Krall: (on the computer, playing through the house): "Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe…"

Brian: "makes a wonderful midnight snack."

Me: I thought it was, "Fits nicely in your ass."

Friday, November 17, 2006 | by nathan

During an AIM conversation with Summer…

Summer: when have i ever been worng.
Summer: except right then
Me: classic.

Thursday, November 16, 2006 | by nathan

Ready to Entertain

Last weekend we went to Pier 1 to try to find a few small tchotchke-like objects with which to decorate our house for Christmas. Last year I was working 6 days a week, we had just moved, Brian had broken his wrist and suffered from mono, and so we let our first Christmas together kind of slide by. We made up for it by buying each other lavish gifts.

This year I am bound and determined to decorate and to entertain. I have begun "Project Forced Merriment," in which I am aggressively cheerful and jolly, and I force others to follow suit, like it or not.

On our trip we found a dining room table we loved, that was marked down, and, thanks to the gift card my sister gave us LAST Christmas, that we could afford. And so, we bought it. The nice boy at the store ordered it for us, and we picked it up tonight. I bought some tchotchke-like objects to place on it, and now we are SO ready for guests for the holidays. I also picked up a copy of Amy Sedaris’ I Like You to give me some entertaining ideas:

Monday, November 13, 2006 | by nathan

Definition: Part 2

Brian sent me this. Self-hatred, revisionist history and overly dramatic attempts at heterosexuality were a part of my life for so long that I recognize the signs. I spun my story out so much that by the time I was convicted to tell it honestly, I almost didn’t recognize it.

Luckily, I never got married to a woman; even when I believed being gay was wrong, something in me believed more strongly that it would be worse to date or marry a woman just in some lame attempt to prove I was straight.

Brian showed the story to his brother, who said, "When will that church realize that they hurt more people than they help?"

I want to love the church – the family of believers – but sometimes they’re like a stupid stepchild who doesn’t understand not to touch the hot stove unless you hit him. Or, in this case, relentlessly mock him.

Things like this make me angry because I see signs all over of how it’s psychologically unhealthy. John J. McNeill said that whatever is bad psychology must be bad theology, and I think he’s right; God challenges us and convicts us, yes, but we are never unsafe, never unhealthy in all of this. Whinging, hand-wringing little faggots who marry unfortunate, sympathetic women just so their church will accept them are not safe or healthy, and neither are their wives, their families, or the people who care about them.