Sunday, September 24, 2006 | by nathan

To Bri On What Would’ve Been The First Day of our Honeymoon

The other night when we went to the state fair, I got a little scared every time you got affectionate. I was scared that some dumb redneck would see it and decide we needed to get our asses kicked. Sometimes I hate living in a place where I have to wrestle between my religious calling for peace, and my desire - and urgent need - to break a bottle off in someone’s face. Sometimes I wish we lived in a bigger city, with more opportunity, and an environment where I felt safe all the time.

But sitting here with you at the Red Cup, drinking coffee, you working on work stuff, me finishing up some homework and reading The New York Times, I realize that with you, I have the life I have always wanted. I never realized I wanted it, because it’s not flashy. It’s not world travel or runaway success. Maybe those things will come. But I don’t worry about it; I love being here with you. Here: Oklahoma, the Red Cup, church, our house, on the phone with you when we’re both at work.

We were supposed to get married yesterday; we put it off because we couldn’t afford a wedding that quickly. I’m really glad we did that - it turned it from something that was stressing me out all the time into something I can look forward to and plan for. We don’t have to skimp on things we really want, like a reception at Nova, or, say - say food for a month beforehand.

We fell in love pretty quickly once we made the decision to get together. When I consider it from an outsider’s perspective, it seems like this relationship probably looks pretty rushed. But nothing about it feels that way. Even when we argue or have disagreements it feels organic and natural and real. Like it’s happening on its own time, in its own way that is completely out of our control.

Even when we’re being lazy together, or snippy with each other, or on Mondays and Wednesdays when I literally get to see you for about twenty minutes between me getting home and you going to bed, I am completely loving every minute of this adventure, and I’m really looking forward to June, when we actually do get to get married. For reals. And I’m looking forward to the rest of my life, with you in it. I had about five years there when I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of my life. Thanks for giving that back to me. I love you.