Friday, September 29, 2006 | by nathan

Three Decisions

I have decided four slightly important things in the past few days.

1) I have decided on the topic for my investigative report for my class called - wait for it - Investigative Reporting. "Women’s Prisons in Oklahoma." Somebody call Cinemax.

2) I have decided on the plot for my screenplay. I don’t want to give too much away, but just ask yourself this question: What if Jackie Kennedy was actually the one who killed Marilyn Monroe, and the only reason Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK is because he was a rabid Marilyn fan, then he found out what happened, went nuts, and was aiming for Jackie and missed? That’s all I’ll say.

3) I’m not going to check my site stats anymore. Other than being a humongous waste of time, I really just don’t give a crap anymore who is reading this blog or not. I mean - I hope people are. The two of you who’ve stuck around - including the Flynns, who called me last night to let me know the site was down temporarily - I really appreciate you. Of course, it’s kind of an addiction, getting on Site Meter and seeing who is reading me, and from where, and at what times, and how they get here, and getting a small chuckle when ex-boyfriends look me up and don’t see a damn word about themselves. Funny, funny. But I just have better things to do with my time.

4) I decided that I can’t decide the design for my next tattoo. It’s either this:

Aum
the symbology and meaning of which can be read here ,
Or this: 
St. Francis Cross
 
which is the symbol of one of my main spiritual heroes, St. Francis of Assisi. I actually have a tiny replica of this cross hanging in my office that I picked up while in Assisi on my first and only real pilgrimage to date.
 
So I’ll leave it up to you, my two gentle readers: which do you like better? I am vascillating rapidly between the two.

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Tuesday, September 26, 2006 | by nathan

Ta-Dah!

Okay, so the new Scissor Sisters album - good. Real good. And highly danceable.

I recommend getting it.  

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Sunday, September 24, 2006 | by nathan

To Bri On What Would’ve Been The First Day of our Honeymoon

The other night when we went to the state fair, I got a little scared every time you got affectionate. I was scared that some dumb redneck would see it and decide we needed to get our asses kicked. Sometimes I hate living in a place where I have to wrestle between my religious calling for peace, and my desire - and urgent need - to break a bottle off in someone’s face. Sometimes I wish we lived in a bigger city, with more opportunity, and an environment where I felt safe all the time.

But sitting here with you at the Red Cup, drinking coffee, you working on work stuff, me finishing up some homework and reading The New York Times, I realize that with you, I have the life I have always wanted. I never realized I wanted it, because it’s not flashy. It’s not world travel or runaway success. Maybe those things will come. But I don’t worry about it; I love being here with you. Here: Oklahoma, the Red Cup, church, our house, on the phone with you when we’re both at work.

We were supposed to get married yesterday; we put it off because we couldn’t afford a wedding that quickly. I’m really glad we did that - it turned it from something that was stressing me out all the time into something I can look forward to and plan for. We don’t have to skimp on things we really want, like a reception at Nova, or, say - say food for a month beforehand.

We fell in love pretty quickly once we made the decision to get together. When I consider it from an outsider’s perspective, it seems like this relationship probably looks pretty rushed. But nothing about it feels that way. Even when we argue or have disagreements it feels organic and natural and real. Like it’s happening on its own time, in its own way that is completely out of our control.

Even when we’re being lazy together, or snippy with each other, or on Mondays and Wednesdays when I literally get to see you for about twenty minutes between me getting home and you going to bed, I am completely loving every minute of this adventure, and I’m really looking forward to June, when we actually do get to get married. For reals. And I’m looking forward to the rest of my life, with you in it. I had about five years there when I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of my life. Thanks for giving that back to me. I love you.

Brian and Nate in color

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Saturday, September 23, 2006 | by nathan

Fried Cheese

Things might be sparse here for awhile as far as blog updates are concerned; I’ve got Act I of my screenplay due in a couple weeks and I just got Final Draft in the mail yesterday. Also, as much as I love my Investigative Reporting class - fucking Frosty Troy was our speaker the other day - it’s kicking my ass, and I need to have my project proposal in by tonight at the absolute latest.

Bri and I did have time to go hang with Erica and Alex, Sara, Bruce and Dillard and Laurie and Jaye at the 100th Oklahoma State Fair this weekend. Good times. I photoblogged the whole thing over at Flickr, so take a look:

State Fair Midway

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006 | by nathan

Many Colors. Mostly Brown and Green, Today.

Remember that time I bought new Nike shoes online that are currently being specially-built to my specifications? Those cool new shoes will sync up with an iPod nano to keep track of how far, how fast and how long I run. Personally, I’m a little miffed that they didn’t make it work with any old iPod, but have you seen the new Nano? HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

Granted, I’m sick today, but I’m feeling a bit better. And I’m thinking I might need one of these.

Nano I’m thinking turquoise, though pink or green wouldn’t suck.

"But Nate, why all this new obsession with exercise, eating healthy, getting back into shape?"

Because my dad has Type II Diabetes, and he had a heart attack when I was three days old, and I inherited all of that.

Because I’m not a big fan of the way I look in clothes right now. And I’m REALLY not a big fan of the way I look out of them.

And because I have never been the athletic guy, or able to do much physically at all, and I want to see if I can. Just to see. Just because nobody expects me to, and to look at me on the street a random person wouldn’t think I could run a 5K, or that I would even be interested in doing so.

Don’t worry; as I write this I’m sitting here eating one of the cupcakes I baked yesterday. I was home sick, I was bored, and I was getting a sweet tooth, so I baked a batch of vanilla cupcakes with vanilla icing (which I dyed the same blue as that iPod over there).

I’m still not feeling well, so I didn’t go to school today; I was feeling a bit better last night, but this morning I woke up feeling like there was a heavy stone in my stomach. Also, I had some of the more disgusting symptoms of a cold/flu.

I was going to drive down to Norman, because my stupid insurance (which I am grateful to have) mandates that I go for a consultation at Goddard Health Center on campus before going anywhere else. Which is wonderful when you live 45 minutes away.

So I went to the allergy clinic to get a shot, because I haven’t had one in a week and a half, and I was asking them what could be making me feel so shitty. She said it was probably a combination of the weather change, and allergic factors like dust mites, and that I should start being a lot more responsible about getting my shots. I wanted to open fire on the whole clinic, or say something like, "Well, thank you very much. Isn’t that the most wonderful, sweet, helpful advice in the world, you cosmica-rama dingdong head?"

Instead I smiled sweetly and took my token for the parking lot. GOD, I hate not feeling well. I HATE IT.  

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006 | by nathan

To The Haberdashery!

This weekend I did something I almost never do.

I bought clothes. For myself.

I mean - okay. I’ll order a t-shirt from Threadless now and then, like, say - say this one. But over the last year I’ve been sick, and allergic, and out of shape. And so - I haven’t been buying new clothes.

I used to live in an apartment that was something like gay central for twentysomething queers in the greater Oklahoma City area. I was working clothing retail at the time, and I got a whole lot of free clothes through my job. In fact, my wardrobe was described on many occasions as "the envy of every gay man in Oklahoma."

When I left that apartment, I had a whole lot fewer clothes and shoes and jackets and scarves than when I moved in. I have no ideas where those clothes went, though I’m guessing you’d see a few of them if you were to head out to the Copa tonight. This unfortunate fact absolutely blinds me with anger every time I go into my closet, as does the fact that, even if I hadn’t had some of my best clothes taken away by greedy, stickyfingered fags (I assume), I’m still too out of shape to wear most of them.

I’m taking care of that. I’ve lost probably an inch off my waist so far - more to come. I had three pairs of jeans that were fitting comfortably, and those were getting holes in unseemly places. So I hit the mall. I bought clothes - two pairs of jeans and two new t-shirts that I absolutely love.

Also, as I have been working out to beat the band lately, I decided I need some new shoes. The shoes I work out in now were given to me by my mother, five years ago. Five. Years. Ago. And - they have been wonderful. A bit of duct tape in the sole - yes, I am turning into my father - and wham! Good to go!

But it’s time. It’s time. So, custom-designed myself a pair of Nikes. They look like this.

I’m super-stoked about them, because I never buy these kinds of things for myself. They’re just clothes, but it’s nice.

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Saturday, September 16, 2006 | by nathan

My Report On What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

Today was the last day of my speechwriting class. I got an A on my final project, and Nate, the prof, wrote a note on my draft saying that I could write speeches professionally. It’s something I enjoy doing, and so that’s a pretty cool thing to hear.

Sometimes I get discouraged because I’m 26 and just now getting my master’s degree. I had lunch with my friend Will during our class break today and we were discussing our frustrations with the program we are in. The fact is, within our journalism college, the grad students in the professional writing program are pretty much the bottom of the totem pole. A lot of the time, this is fine with me. I could conceive a situation where the college decided they wanted to exploit us to make themselves look good, thereby forcing us to publish works with which we are not pleased, or putting a lot more pressure on us than is healthy.

Sometimes, being overlooked is just what the artist needs to create freely. And this is fine.

However. I am under no illusion that this program is of some huge academic boon to me. I did an undergraduate degree in religion and philosophy, which, while professionally useless, taught me how to learn, and think, and think critically. It taught me how to sort out issues for myself and deconstruct worldviews - all the things a good liberal arts education should do. I wouldn’t change a thing about what I studied as an undergrad.

Nor would I choose not to do this program I am in now. But unlike my undergraduate degree, I am being completely pragmatic about what I am doing here. In the academic sense I do not feel as if I am learning a whole lot. Yes, I feel it has made me a better writer in some ways, though I feel that most of that has just been shortcutting things I would have learned on my own.

What I am doing here is gaining practical advantage. I want to be a writer - so far I am well on my way. I am gaining knowledge of the publishing business and the industry that is mass communications. I am making connections and getting practical skills - whether I want to use them or not. I got my internship last spring through this program, and it was through that that I have the job I have now.

I just spent an hour online looking for educational public relations jobs in New York and San Francisco - CUNY, NYU, Columbia, Berkeley. Not saying I want to leave Oklahoma. I’m just saying that, for the first time in years, I feel that I have qualifications that will open doors for me.

I got out of Oklahoma at 18. I came back at 22. I regret neither. But when you spend four years having your brain ripped open, rebuilt, and put back in (read: getting a Wake degree), and then you can only get a job in retail, you begin to doubt yourself, just the tiniest little bit. 

That’s why I’m getting this degree. It’s why I’m working my ass off to maintain a 4.0 GPA, which I have done for three semesters. It’s why I talked up Jim Risen when he came to speak to my class the other day. My undergraduate degree helped teach me how to think, and conceptualize, and find my own way in the world. It showed me the road. My master’s gave me the car.

I feel a little crass, being so pragmatic about my education. I used to hate it in college when people took the MCAT, the LSAT, GRE and every other possible graduate-entry test because they were damned to hell if they weren’t going to make a lot of money after college.

I don’t care as much about money as I care about doing what I want to do. I want to write. Barring a career jetting around doing talks, readings, and book tours, I wouldn’t mind working publications and PR at a large (preferably private) university or nonprofit organization. Hell - maybe I’ll be a speechwriter. Columbia needs one. Berkeley’s law school needs someone to create and edit their alumni magazine - um, hello? What’s my job?

Easy, Nate - graduation’s in May (hopefully). Life is good. Life is great, actually, and there’s no rush.  

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Friday, September 15, 2006 | by nathan

It’s Gonna Happen. It’s Just A Question of When.

So I think I’m going to be able to graduate in May. I have yet to confirm this, as there seems to be a lot of paperwork involved, and I have to petition them to allow me to do my only remaining required course as an independent study, but I do believe it is going to work. That means that next semester I will be writing my thesis - a 50,000 word book (fiction or nonfiction) or a 90-120 word screenplay. I’m thinking book, as I have a decent idea for one, and I’m just now getting started on my very first screenplay, and so far, I suck at writing them. That means that in a year from now, I can be waiting for the job offers to come pouring in, the agent offers to be unmanageable, and the book tour to be getting started. Or - you know - something along those lines. At any rate, I’d rather you were reading my words out of an actual book that was actually published than the words I published myself online.

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Friday, September 15, 2006 | by nathan

Just Leave Me Alone and Let Me Do My Thing

Boss-Lady has been out of the office for most of the week at a conference. So, I’ve had the run of the public relations for this tiny little corner of the planet. I love having Boss-Lady around a lot, but I’ve just been crazy productive the last two days. I was telling Brian last night that if you give me a good (read: specific) set of instructions and just leave me alone, I can conquer the world. Or, at least, the P.R. needs of a small section of a private university.

I just work better by myself than with others. Always have. Not sure what that’s about, but it’s probably best not to psychoanalyze it. 

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Monday, September 11, 2006 | by nathan

It Bears Repeating

I have said this before, but I’m-a say it again:

I will never. Ever. Evereverevereverevereverever. Ever. Work. In. Live. Television.

The sad thing is, I have the requisite skill set, and then some. I’d be damn good at it. I’m calm under pressure. I’m good at the switcher, the camera, the graphics, and the audio. And who knows - if I’m desperate for a job one day, I might be forced to put this skill set to use.

But I hope I’m never that desperate.

Because television professionals - they’re a special kind of crazy. The ones who do live broadcasts - your local news, say - are crazier than anyone I’ve ever met, and this includes drug addicts and Wake Forest pre-med freshmen.

I’ve been the teaching assistant for the introduction to broadcast class for over a year now. Which means, for several hours a day (last year it was 5 - this year it’s nearer to 8.) on Mondays and Wednesdays I lead a bunch of students through creating their own productions. Sometimes up to 15 of them a day - short commercial spots at the moment, though it will be getting longer and more complicated shortly.

All that to say, TV is a stressful-ass industry wherein people are unclear about their expectations and you have about one minute to figure those expectations out and fulfill them perfectly or your ass is in trouble.

Give me print journalism. Give me radio. Hell, give me non-live TV like what we did for the History Channel. Give me PR, the bastard son of journalism. 

Or - if I had my way - give me a five-book deal worth seven figures or so. 

I think I’m just pissed off that I’ve spent the past year of my life perfecting a skill set that I never want to have to use. 

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