Wednesday, July 5, 2006 | by nathan

Like She’s Been With Me All Along

…and I’m done.

Michelle cut my hair at 3:30. She and I bandied back and forth about what I should get. She reiterated her philosophy: timeless, untrendy, something that is undeniably me.

She also mentioned that, because Nate likes to draw all the designs himself he might not want to tattoo me today. This caused me a little distress, but I was willing to accept it.

On the way out, I picked up a copy of my paper. They gave my story on tattooing to the intern; probably because it took me so damn long to go ahead and get the thing. I began to feel a little crazy, and like a loser, and a failure. I went in and cried for a minute, because I had been psyching myself out all day to do this, and here my story, the thing that started it all, is not going to happen, at least not by my hand.

I will discuss this with my editor once I have cooled down.

But I was so married to the idea at this point that I went ahead and went up there. Erica and Laurie said they would meet me up there if I did in fact get the tat. Made it to the parlor just in time for my appointment; Nate said he’d go ahead and do it right now. Brian showed up after he got off work. Erica said she wouldn’t make it because of traffic, and I couldn’t blame her; it was a nuthouse out there.

When Brian got there Nate had already drawn the triquetra on my arm from the design I brought him, and he was "scrubbing in." After a few minutes he told me to come sit down, and we got to work:

Nate was gentle and kind. The pain was really negligible; if you have been putting off getting a tattoo because you’re scared of the pain, just go ahead and do it. However, like my piercings, while the pain wasn’t so bad, my body decided it needed to deal with the Whole Situation by sending large amounts of adrenaline into my body; within a few minutes I was feeling light-headed and a little queasy. I was sweating like a stuck pig. I asked Nate for a break for a few minutes, which he gladly gave, even though he had another appointment on the way in.

Finally he got back to work, and the longer he worked the better I felt. Laurie and Jaye showed up as he was starting to color the whole thing in, and they stood around with Brian and watched. I began to grin wildly. About the time he finished up, I was thinking, "Okay, I’m done now. We’re done." Just as I was thinking this, Nate announced that we were finished. I’m going to send him a nice card, though I am sure that this is not done in polite tattooing circles.

Now, I have a new friend, a great accessory, a symbol of something - a time, a faith, a relationship - that changed my life forever, that continues to change my life. I have her:

I’ve been referring to it as "her" in my mind; I’m not sure why, other than the fact that, in addition to being a symbol of the Trinity for Christians, it is also a symbol of the divine feminine to Celts, and I like that.

I love her. I have been tenderly rubbing Bacitracin into her every few hours; when that runs out I am going to tenderly love on her with some lotion until she is all healed up. I can’t stop looking at her. It’s like having a new friend, a companion who is closer to me than almost anyone.

Jaye and Laurie came home with us after it was all over; Laurie drove me home just in case I flared up with some more shocktified goodness, and she drove me by Taco Bueno to get some food, which I felt I had completely earned. Jaye has a test tomorrow, so he and I went for a walk through the neighborhood while I read off his flash cards to him. When we walked by the angry people down the street with their mean bumper sticker I felt a brief surge of rage; then in the corner of my vision my triquetra flashed at me, dark on my skin, and calmness overwhelmed me.

I’ve had an emotional day; but anything that gives me calm when I walk past those people’s house can safely be called a small miracle. I already love having her. It’s like she has always been a part of me.

Ink