Wednesday, May 31, 2006 | by nathan

Secret Fears: Confirmed

I was planning on only writing two posts, but this was too good:

As I was finishing up that last post, the garbage truck came by. My office windows face toward the street, and so as the blog took its sweet time to publish, I leaned my chin on the palm of my hand and watched the huge mechanical arm reach from the side of the truck, down to the first of my black plastic trash bins. It picked it up and dumped it in the back of the truck, and I thought, "Cool."

Then the truck operator, he got out of the truck, looked in the second bin, and shook his head with a mixture of disappointment and disgust, then just stood there for a few seconds, staring at my garbage bin like it had just called him a dirty name. Finally he got up into the truck again, and after a few more seconds, the mechanical arm came down and took my trash.

It was like he was trying to consider whether or not my garbage was too disgusting to haul away; a fear I have long held. I always think my inner rubbish is more disgusting and twisted than other peoples’; of course my actual garbage would be revolting as well. This is the opposite of the truth, of course, but what can I say? The road to spiritual health is a long one.

He was probably just pissed because I threw all the lawn clippings into the rubbish bin, and I don’t think we’re supposed to do that.