Friday, April 14, 2006 | by nathan

Ram-Bull

Tonight is one of the most perfect nights you have ever seen. Warm, with breezes and a full moon. If gas were cheaper (Bush sucks) I would still be driving home from work. As it is, I put on a selection of pretty soft songs - all Patty Griffin and M.C. Carpenter - and drove slowly home. I used to do this all the time in high school.

Brian and I sat on the porch for awhile and talked, but he was tired, so he went to bed. I wasn’t tired, as I had had dinner right before leaving Norman. So I am sitting up watching HGTV, which I could do for weeks on end if someone would let me. I love all the specialty networks; all the ridiculous programming that parades by, all the specific advertising. On HGTV almost every other commercial is for Home Depot or Lowe’s. And yet, we have a house, and that house needs to be decorated, and the garden tended, and for some reason I do not entirely understand, the gays love these things.

HGTV is gayer than Logo and Here!TV put together. It is one of the few networks where I’ve seen the gay Orbitz ads and the UCC "Ejector" Ad.

At Wake Forest I worked for three semesters in the Deacon Shop, which is the dumb little store where you go to get a WFU sweatshirt, or commemorative Tiffany lamp, or Alumni license plate. Shit like that. Business was often slow, and every afternoon my coworkers would put on Trading Spaces and While You Were Out, which were huge hits at the time. From that day to this I have not been able to pass up decorating shows when they are on, even when they are shitty. It is the only kind of reality TV I can deal with.

There are just certain things that appeal to me a lot more at 1 in the morning; R&B music, for example, and cable, and burning incense. For some reason I only ever partake of these things when it is late at night and I am the only one awake. My insomnia gets worse in the summer, as I have trouble sleeping when it is hot. But also, I do not want to run the air conditioning, as this is expensive and really unnecessary; I will tire out sooner or later and head to bed.

Final note: Bri and I were walking through the mall the other day and popped into Foot Locker to look around, because I need new running shoes. What did I find instead? Pink Converse high-tops on sale for $20. Hell yeah. Hell to the yeah. Didn’t get new running shoes, but damn. Pink Cons. Smile. And yes, I am wearing them to Easter service on Sunday.

So it’s Good Friday today, or as I like to think of it, "We Are So Fucked" Friday. Because you know this was what the disciples were thinking from the moment Jesus was arrested.

Dude, they’re redoing a gay couple’s yard now. I swear this network does more to advance gay rights than any three people in the world at the moment.

Oh, and by the way - one more thing before I go to bed. If I find one more gay boy with Lindsay Lohan or Hillary Duff in his iPod, he is getting his ass beat down. Come on, boys. There is better music out there; much, much better, much gayer, more wonderful and liberating music. For God’s sake, people!