Saturday, March 18, 2006 | by nathan

Mouth-Breather

So Spring Break.

Tuesday I went to the allergy doctor, who almost made me cry. See I’ve been feeling lousy and completely unable to breathe for weeks, especially at night when I get into bed. I have been getting horrible sleep because of it and made an appointment with the allergist about a month and a half ago. So at 8 a.m. on Tuesday I went in to the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center Oklahoma Allergy and Asthma Clinic and basically begged them: "Give me my life back."

I have always had horrible, horrible allergies. It has negatively affected my quality of life since I was a small child. For six months when I lived in Europe I was sick a lot because I had all kinds of new things to be allergic to. The doctor in Venice took about a quart of my blood and then diagnosed me with the mumps, of all things, the goddamn mumps. 

Dr. Hatch, the guy I saw on Tuesday, listened to me talk about my problems and said, "Yes, I definitely think allergies are a big factor for you."

I wanted to scream, "Well duh!" But instead I listened. He showed me a video about dust mites, which it turns out are a) my worst problem, and b) the most disgusting and horrible little creatures that God ever created. They live in your bed, they feast on your dead skin cells, and they lay eggs and poo in your nasal passages. I am trying to avoid a rant here, but I effing hate these little buggers, who on average number in the millions in any given American bed. They are in your bed. 

Anyway, so they showed me this video about the dust mites, and it was like, "You should not have furniture that is upholstered with fabric, or throw pillows, and you should wear a dust mask as often as possible, especially if you are doing simple little things like cleaning your house." I wanted to cry. Here I’d come to the allergist to get my life back, and it was being taken away from me even more. But then the doctor gave me four prescriptions, and said they were going to put me on allergy shots, which I used to get when I was a kid. It will probably take months for me to feel better, but at least someday I will. On allergy shot days I have to carry an EpiPen around with me, which is a shot of adrenaline that will stop me from going into anaphylactic shock, just in case that happens to me. When I get the shot I have to stay in the doctor’s office for at least 20 minutes, because most cases of shock happen in the first 20 minutes after receiving the shot.

So there’s that. But I absolutely cannot deal with a life of sleep apnea (caused by the not being able to breathe), people constantly asking me if I have a cold, and not being able to eat, hug, run, work out, or do any kind of mouth-covering activity for more than  few seconds. I do not want to be a mouth-breather anymore.

Besides that I feel incredibly lucky about my life lately. Thursday night Erica and I dragged our respective men, Brian and Alex, out to Cheeseburger in Paradise to eat and sing karaoke, which we have not done in forever - here and they didn’t even have "Love Shack!" Can you believe that bull shit?

Last night mom took Brian and me to Pearl’s. Good, delicious times.

Sarah Keates is in town this weekend because she missed Oklahoma City, and us, and so she drove from Cincinnati to here all in one shot, and got here at 2 a.m. Still needing to finish another 15-20 pages for the novel, but not too worried about it.

There is hope, and it is enough.