Wednesday, March 1, 2006 | by nathan

The Vista

So yesterday I went to Shoe Gypsy, because I had just had a fat wad of cash stuck into my bank account (okay, that’s an exaggeration. I got paid, and it will be enough for the month, as always, by necessity). Anyway, I went, because there was this fabulous pair of chartruse and flourescent-green shoes on sale, and I haven’t bought new shoes for myself since 2003. The shoes I work out and run in are five years old, although with the help of the merest bit of duct tape, they hold together just fine.

God, am I turning in to my father? He had this car where the door was held on by duct tape for years. 

Anyway, I had seen the shoes a couple weeks earlier and was agonizing about spending $40 on shoes, but I did. Put ‘em on, and damn if they didn’t just cut the back of my feet to shreds. I understand now why Achilles’ weak spot was back there, because they just hurt like a bitch.

But I went down to OU on Tuesday afternoon to run my shift in the lab, and everyone was super excited about my shoes, because they looked like they might glow in the dark, or have super powers. By the time I got off work, lived through the first half of Novel class, then cut out to go meet Todd at Dr. Kimball’s lecture, I was completely beating myself up. Here I’d dropped money on an unnecessarily fabulous pair of shoes and they were the so painful that I might as well be looking at foot-binding next.

Todd offered me a ride to my car afterward, but on the walk to his car, we got to talking about Kimball’s lecture, about the problem of evil in general, and the next thing I knew we were in downtown Norman at a restaurant on the sixth floor of this building. The place is called the Vista. I had two pints of Moosehead and a Ruben sandwich with homemade potato chips, and Todd and I talked for probably two hours.

Mine and Todd’s relationship is complicated. We became friends in the summer of 1998 when my best friend Eric was the lifeguard at the pool in Todd’s parents’ neighborhood. Todd would come down there to hang out, and Eric and I would be there, and we would all start talking theology, philosophy, great music. It was the first time I had ever smoked a cigar, or realized that there were cool places in Oklahoma City, which I was getting ready to leave for North Carolina.

So we would hang out at Todd’s over the years, always talking good stuff. He’s a lawyer by training, but he and his father run an environmental engineering firm together. He lives in the building next to their office, right off of SW 89th street. You would never know that someone lived there exactly, as the house was once an office itself. I always say that the house, and especially the back porch, look remarkably like the inside of Todd’s brain, all strewn about with interesting things, all of which have a story, and yet none of which seem to be in any kind of recognizable order. There is an old Model-A back there, and a few rusting-out hunks of other old cars, and Jayson’s old boat. Sometimes the grass gets so high that you cannot see in front of you. Also, Todd has one of the few dogs I am not afraid of.

There is a tree back there that Todd wired up with a phone - you kind of have to see that - and a table where we would sit over beers until four and five in the morning, talking, all through my college career.

Todd was one of the very first people I came out to in 2001, when he and I had taken his boat down to Lake Texoma for a day. I remember us skimming across the waters - this was a fabulous June morning - listening to Robert Miles’ Dreamland album, which is perfect boat music. We talked about sexuality, and all of that, and he came out to me then, too. We realized at some point that we were attracted to one another.

The relationship never really went anywhere, which is probably for the best, as I still had another year at Wake, and wasn’t sure that I would ever be back in Oklahoma for more than a holiday. Now Todd has Steve, and they’ve been together for three and a half years now, in a relationship that I admire and love and wouldn’t change for anything. Steve has the best smile of anybody, and is wild and hilarious and sarcastic, and I like that in a guy.

Todd is smart and boisterous and curious, which I also like. He never stops asking the big questions, he is never afraid to feel something even when it is bad, and he always knows which restaurant or bar to go to, even at four in the morning.

Todd’s my friend, my dear, dear friend, and I love him deeply. Last night was wonderful, because we do not always have time to talk like we used to, and to have nighttime Oklahoma spread out beneath us, Norman coming and going all around the building atop which we were perched, made it kind of more special, and I was really, really grateful that I live where I do.

Today it was about 90 degrees - how do you like that? Two weeks ago it was snowing and frigid. That’s Oklahoma weather for you - and I put bandaids over my heels, and wore bright red cashmere socks, and my new shoes, so that from the knees down I could have been a clown. My heels didn’t hurt so much anymore, so I think maybe the shoes just need to be broken in, just like anything new.

One of the best prayers ever? Yeah, say it with me:

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.