Thursday, February 2, 2006 | by nathan

A Little Scared, Even Though I Shouldn’t Be

So it’s Groundhog Day. Six more weeks of winter, according to that one groundhog they dig up in Pennsylvania or wherever it is every year. Like he knows. Yeesh.

So I am a little freaked out. Which sucks, as I had a pretty good day overall. Got up, had breakfast, went to the Gazette, had a lovely lunchtime conversation with Summer.

Then, okay, later I feel an itch on my back. (this is a little gross, so just to warn you). I reach back to scratch it and something comes off, like a scab. I look back there - I could just barely reach it - so I look in the mirror and see this giant mole whereas before there was only this kinda medium-sized mole. Now, it’s all deformed and big, and flaking off, and deeply, deeply red around the edges, like it’s a big scab. Except it’s a mole.

Now. I grew up hearing all about the dangers of the sun, and the importance of SPF, and the warning signs, one of which is - have your moles started changing? Well, this one has. I remained calm, however, and called the health center here at OU in the hopes of making an appointment. I was trying to joke with the woman who took my call and she acted like I was insane. She described to me what happens if you end up having skin cancer, which was not what I needed to hear, as the smart part of my brain was telling me that most of the time, these things end up not being anything at all, but the scared part of my heart was saying that I was going to die, because this is what I deserve for being a person of such low-quality moral fiber, for having such a messy car and so much trouble getting places on time.

So I made an appointment to have it removed and looked at - the thought of one of my moles going through the mail is just comical enough that I think I might get through this - and so I will be doing that on Tuesday, at 3. So in the meantime you can pray that this innocuous little part of my body will stay innocuous until Tuesday, and that it really will turn out to be nothing, which everyone keeps telling me it will. But I spent a ridiculous amount of time this afternoon looking at it in the mirror, and it just looked a little too - I dunno, what’s the word? - life-threatening.

But no one in my family has ever had skin cancer, that I know of, and anyway, I just have to keep reminding myself that I survive things all the time, even when they are serious. It’s just a little weird and scary, that’s all, to think my body would turn on me like this. Just help me to remember to breathe, and pray, and to know that there are people who love me and that it’s probably going to turn out to be nothing.