Sunday, September 11, 2005 | by nathan

One By One

This is the house. It’s on NW 29th Street in Oklahoma City, but hell if I know the zip code. We found it last weekend when Monty took us to look at all the houses we said we were interested in. The house with the green kitchen turned out to be someone’s lame attempt to flip a property but without much panache or care. The house on NW 32nd just wasn’t it. The "kitty house," as I call it, was clearly infested with termites, and the seller seemed to think that we - and Monty - were too stupid to realize that his attempts at "Trading Spaces" in the house were nothing more than an effort to cover this up. THE house was the last one we looked at. It wasn’t one that Monty had sent us; it was one he had found and wanted us to see. When we got there, another realtor’s car was in the driveway, and she was showing it to a middle-aged couple who were looking to buy it for their college-aged son. We waited over twenty minutes for them to finish looking, and when they left we went inside. Immediately we fell in love, and on the Tuesday immediately after Labor Day we made an offer. The other people, with the college kid, made one too, but we won! We now have a house. We close on the 29th and move in that weekend. Yowza. (Click on the pictures to embiggen them ;)) The first room inside the front door is the living room. These pictures aren’t great because the seller is moving her stuff out, and so there are boxes everywhere. All the furniture and decorations you see are hers. In the first picture, Monty is seated and is speaking to his boyfriend Todd. I like the living room, though it presents a problem as to where Brian and I are going to put our ginormous television. I’m thinking it’s going to have to go against the wall where that couch is. Which is fine. Brian hates fireplaces, and that one doesn’t work, but I’m thinking we’ll get some good art to go over it, some neat tchotchkes for the mantle, and something to stick in the alcove itself. All good. God, we need some furniture STAT. Through the living room is the dining room. I love the way this house is painted, for the most part, and the dining room is no exception. I love the way she’s done this; especially the houndstooth rug. I’d love to get a buffet table like that one, and to hang some of our better art in here, like the prints I got in Fort Worth in June and the stuff that has survived from Venice, like my drawing of the Grand Canal at Santa Maria della Salute and the painting Mauro did for me. We have a dining room table, and some chairs, but they will need to be varnished, as they will clash with the floors as they are. Also, we need curtains, and, as I said, a buffet table. Not a lot of work to be done here, as the color is satisfactory. Now, in this picture, take a right and you’re in: The kitchen. LOVE this. I love the red cabinets. The range isn’t in the most delightful spot, but until we can get a 1,000 square-foot kitchen designed by a chef, this will do very nicely. We need a refrigerator like yesterday. Also, Brian and I both hate the countertops in here and would love to replace them as soon as possible - hopefully with some cheap granite that Brian may know how to get. Also, I would love to replace the cabinetry over the range with a stovepipe, as I think they are hella cool, and a gas range would eventually be nice. This is the wonderful thing about home ownership (::gasps::): that you can take things slowly and eventually the house becomes more and more yours. Also, I would love to relight this kitchen with cheap and fabulous IKEA stuff, but that is the case for the whole house. Turn 180 degrees from this and you will look at the laundry room, which is here: We need a washer and dryer as well, so pray that all our appliance needs will be met as beautifully and excessively as our house-finding need was. I call this also the "kitty room," as I would love for Glory to come live with us and put her litter box and scratching post in here. Or if not her, some other, more-loving cat. Without all those emotional problems. Aah, but I am in love with my Glory - alas, I digress. Now, we are going to go through that door in the "kitty/laundry" room to my favorite part of the house, the part that sold us on the property the first time we saw it. I can’t believe this: They call this the "Florida Room." In an effort to sound as much like one of the Golden Girls as possible, I am calling it "The Lanai." It’s lovely. It has a window unit for year-round comfort, a beautiful view of the (immaculately landscaped) garden, a stand of hydrangeas just outside its windowed walls, and a ceiling fan. There will be early morning coffee, mint juleps, and lots of writing done out here, folks. Lots. Metric tons. Shitloads even. I LOVE this room. I cannot wait until we move in. We are going to hang Japanese lanterns from the ceiling out here for some soft lighting. Also, we want to get AirPort Express boxes for the whole house so we can pipe music everywhere if we want to. Yay for Apple! Above are all shots of the backyard. Of to the side of the house is a built-in gas grill (YES!). The shed is lovely because it is well-lit, which means fewer spiders, and therefore more visits from Nathan to retrieve the lawnmower and other gardening implements. If anyone has any recommendations on gardening books or references before next planting season, please let me know. The plants that I know of back here include: hydrangeas, marigolds, Rose of Sharon, roses, and tigerlilies. There are tons more but I do not know their names. Brian and I want to have a wedding ceremony back here next year some time. Life is good. Let’s go back and look at the rest of the house before I get too misty. Okay, remember the dining room? Go left out of this picture and you are in the hallway with stairs (yes, the carpet-runner is going to go). The house is split-level, so the master bedroom is up one half a flight of stairs, and the den is down the other half. In this hallway there are two doors: one to the left, one to the right. To the left is the second bedroom, which I am turning into an office. I love the loft, but there is very little space for me to get away and concentrate on my work, which is piling up as I pursue my graduate degree. I need a place that a) I can decorate how I like, b) that I can escape to when I need to concentrate on my characters, or my students, or my studies, c) can easily accomodate my many books and provide a comfortable and (mostly) noise-free environment for reading, and d) that can be easily used as a guest room for when people come to visit or pass out from too much alcohol, which happens on occasion. So, I have imagined the office, pictured above, as fulfilling all these functions. I will be getting rid of the yellow on the walls (more accurately represented in the second picture than the first) within two weeks of moving in. The desk will go under that window so I can look out on the street while I write. The bookshelves will be on the west wall (the one with the mirror) opposite where the computer is in this picture. On the other wall will be a fold-out couch. I may have to keep my clothes in this closet for awhile, which is fine. I want to decorate this room around the quilt I got for my birthday, which would mean a kind of Indian/Moroccan theme, which is fantastic. We got these great bookshelves at IKEA over Labor Day weekend (actually, on the day before we found this house) that would look great against a richly colored wall. This is going to be my kind of "pet project" in the house. I’ll show you Brian’s in a minute. Across the hall from the office is the bathroom, to which I want to do almost nothing decoratively. I love it. Once again the seller has done the "houndstooth" thing to great effect here, and I love it. I love the red, and the black and white tile, and I LOVE the pedestal sink. Love love love love love. This is the only shower/bath in the house, and the tile needs cleaning, but it’s fabulous. Did I mention I love it? I love it. Now, we go down the stairs. This is Brian’s favorite part of the house other than the lanai. This is the "den," which is what he is going to convert into a "listening room." As we are both rabid music fans, and we both love hooking up sound systems, and good acoustics, Brian conceived of the listening room as a place to do two things: 1) listen to music, and 2) sip scotch and/or wine while doing so. Also, a mild bit of cuddlage will happen on the couch, but blame only the music, folks. Blame only the music. This fireplace works, and I found a cheap wine fridge at Best Buy. This room is going to rule. This is Brian’s pet project. He is stoked. You will be too, when you come to visit. Up the stairs is the master bedroom, which evokes some ambivalence in me, because, while I do like it, there are some problems that will need fixing. But first, let’s look at the good stuff. Love the wall color, and the floor, but hate the furniture, which is fine, as it is going away with the seller. For a point of comparison, those windows over the bed are the same windows that are over the garage in the exterior picture of the house. There is a half-bath up here that is handy, if not a bit problematic: On the wall opposite the toilet and sink is a closet that, to the best of my estimation, may once have been intended to be a shower/tub. Now, it is just a problem, because there is janky shelving in there which, while handy for storing unsightly bathroom implements, is also ugly and just - well, just… Janky. Janky is the word here. The wall opposite the door was once an exterior wall with a window to an upstairs patio. Now, that window has been covered with a mirror and the patio enclosed to create a walk-in closet…of sorts…. welcome to our other conundrum…. As you can see, the outdoor patio was enclosed to create a walk-in closet, but then the owner just put in regular, non-walk-in closets. There are two here, and they also have the janky shelving and the weirdness. So that ugly crap has to go, and for now, we leave this mostly as is, because really, it’s fine, if not weird. Like, why didn’t she just run clothes bars all the way along all four walls? Weird. I think it would be cool to knock this whole thing out and put in a huge bathtub and marble sink - but work like that is beyond us financially right now and a few years away. For now, I am unsure as to how to deal with the whole situation in this closet except to use it more or less as is, with better, non-janky shelving, and live with a mild bit of frustration as a result. Really, if these are the greatest of my problems at the moment (I wish) then I am a lucky boy. A few more notes about the house: - The garage is small, and the hot water heater is right smack dab in there, so we will not be able to park a car in it. However, Brian had a brilliant idea to lay down some carpet squares, throw up some insulation, drywall, and lighting (I said we have to set off a massive bug bomb first) and turn it into a home gym. We can get a TV, and we both have some equipment, and bam! Gym! Woot! Easy, breezy, beautiful, and hopefully non-janky. I bet we could even put in a small shower for this room, as the plumbing is easily accessible from here. Sweet. - We have a litany of changes we want to do to the house. Some of them - like the office and the listening room - are immediate, while others, like the upstairs bathroom, are very long-term. Most of our plans lie in the middle. Again - the beauty of home ownership. - We want you to come visit. - We need some major prayer, that we will be able to work out a wise budget and adhere to it, and that we will be responsible in moving into, decorating, financing, and sharing our home. Also, if God wouldn’t mind landing me a book deal that would help us pay off the mortgage as fast as possible, that would be fantastic. - Pray that we will have wisdom and gratitude as we plan for the future. We’ve discussed marriage, and it is definitely going to happen, but nothing is official and we haven’t discussed when. We have, however, discussed everything else. - Pray for us as we think about joining Mayflower Congregational Church. (Pictured below). In the wake of my time in St. Louis (give me a minute, I’m getting there), Brian and I have had more than one very intense discussion about our need for a community of believers as we take this next step together, and Mayflower is really the best choice available to us. It is gay affirming, but not a gay church; Dr. Robin Meyers, the pastor, is controversial in the Oklahoma City area but he blows me away. When I disagree with him it is wonderful, because he challenges me to consider things to which I am consistently reticent. He takes it seriously when Scripture says to "love the Lord thy God" with every part of our being - he challenges our minds, our hearts, and our feet to keep moving in the Gospel, and I love this. Okay. Saint Louis. As you may know, Summer was injured last month when a tree fell on the car in which she, Jonathan, and Tish were all riding. Summer’s neck was broken and she spent a week in the hospital in Atlanta, which delayed her move to St. Louis, where she was planning to pursue a master’s degree in Middle Eastern studies. After being released from the hospital, Summer decided to move after all, two weeks ago. Our friend from high school, Auvrey Stephens, and I had planned this trip to go see her and help her unpack her boxes. So, I got Thursday and Friday off work (which was easy - thank you Barbara Gowdy) and Brian traded cars with me, as my tires are shot and I get about zero miles per gallon. I love it anytime I get to see Summer. We have had our share of battles, she and I, and this is not a big secret, but we have been good friends for nine years, and I love her as much or more than almost anyone in my life. I cannot imagine her not being around, and us not having ridiculously long telephone conversations from time to time. The story of the weekend is short. Auvrey and I got there Thursday afternoon, picked Summer up from class, made dinner for her, Faith Glavey, Faith’s roommate, and George Faithful. The six of us talked until late. I love Faith and George, who were two of my closest friends in college and whom I love dearly, dearly. The next day Auv and I took Summer to class, after which we made her a picnic in Forest Park and took her to the St. Louis Art Museum. Later that evening we got pizza and hung out with George. Auv and I got up at 4:30 AM on Saturday morning and drove home. It’s a 7-8 hour drive, but Auvrey had a wedding at 2 PM, which we made in plenty of time. Summer told me that she is looking for the redemption in what has happened to her; how is God in her C-collar, which she will be in for at least four more weeks, and the cane with which she walks, and the difficulties in things like getting into bed or taking showers? I am unsure except that I just believe He must be, because that is His nature: to be in things that look and feel horrible, transforming them. St. Louis was wonderful; I wish we could have stayed longer. Please pray for Summer. On the way back Auvrey and I got to have some great conversations about faith. I want to hang out with her more; she is definitely on the first-to-invite-to-the-house list. Things are a little stressful because of money stuff now, but everything seems to be working out fine. Taking on a house is the hugest thing ever, and money wise it is frightening, but wow - who would have thought that I would be as in love with Brian as I am? Twenty years ago I was in kindergarten, playing with letter people and riding bikes with Erica Salkow after school. Ten years ago I was a sophomore at Westmoore, finally figuring out how to be happy, and to be a little bit of myself, after four long and debilitating years of junior high. Five years ago I was in Venice, trying to figure out who the hell I was without my church and my friends around me, far away from home, poor, and struggling to hold it together after nights in gay bars. Four years ago I was lying on the couch in my apartment with Mark Buntaine, my roommate, and Cameron Cole, my good friend, wondering how the hell America was going to survive and hoping they would stop playing "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood pretty soon because it was making all the chaos and fear boiling up inside me that much worse. Three years ago I was lying on the futon in my apartment in New Haven, wondering when Rich was going to break up with me and why he wouldn’t stop talking about his new friend Ben and how wonderful Ben was. I was praying to stop feeling like such a loser and a basketcase. I probably lit up a joint, because I was doing that back then. I was crazy, my eyes darting around like a crazed animal, my heart bleeding, scabbing over, and getting broken again, because I could tell that the man I loved didn’t love me anymore. Two years ago I was living in the Norman house with Erica and Tim. Erica was pregnant and we were trying to figure out what the hell it would mean for us to bring her child into this world and love it. I was working at Harold’s and occasionally panicking for no reason at all. I was smoking a pack a day, losing weight so fast it was scary, and having boundary issues - both with my heart and my body - with boys who kept hurting me. A year ago I was living in Weatherford with my dad, detoxing off a lot of bad addictions, including cigarettes, booze, and, most debilitatingly, hating myself and my life. This time helped to heal me, and I needed it. I needed to work a leisurely job, and be away from the city as much as possible, and get lots of journaling and praying done in Weatherford, although when I went out there I did not realize that these were things that I needed. Nine months ago I was dating Jonathan, and, while we were extremely well-matched, the timing and the geography worked horribly against our relationship. I love him dearly now as a friend and pray for him to find peace and happiness. When we broke up I was thrown for yet another boy loop. Six months ago I had met Brian and we were hanging out a lot. I remember thinking, when he showed up at the Erotic Art show at IAO (which is down the street from the apartment we share now) that he looked adorable, and that I was probably going to end up having feelings for him. But I was still hurt, and still scared, and I was trying not to rely on self-hatred to soothe the savage beast inside. Three months ago I was teaching Upward Bound kids and falling hard for Brian. I told him that I loved him, and he said the same; slowly my stuff was piling up in the loft. Two weeks ago Jaye and Laurie had found their house but we hadn’t; I began to think that maybe this wasn’t the time for us, and that this would probably be Okay. Two days ago I was in St. Louis, eating pizza with Summer and Auvrey. Two hours from now I will be closing down the lab and getting in the car with Brian, against whom I will snuggle up and fall more in love than ever. I am absolutely floored to think of the road we have come down, all of us, together. I think a lot about some lyrics my friend K.C. Clifford has in the best song (in my opinion) she has written to date: "I’ve built these walls one by one But I can’t tear them down. ‘Cause it’s the hallowed ground Where I’m meant to be found So I’ll ask for holy hands to come And wash them away one by one - Wash them away one by one, O, and let Your kingdom come." The best prayer ever is STILL: Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.