Saturday, June 18, 2005 | by nathan

It’s a Cruel (Cruel!) Cruel Summer….

This summer, so far, has been a bit disappointing.

I have been working too hard to work on the things I wanted to get done, like revising my novel, or drinking a whole lot, or getting together a group to try every shot at the Mont. Still, it hasn’t been all bad; Dylan’s coming next week, and I’ve got Brian, so those are good things. Still, I just feel like I’m working so much that I can’t really enjoy anything. And now I’ve got a fun new cold that’s been tormenting me for the past week. Not fun.

Also, I haven’t been working out like I should and now I feel fat and lazy, like Garfield, or Rush Limbaugh.

I wish I was having more fun. I’m going to be 25 this year, so maybe my days of fun summers are over. But I hate to believe that. This is why I need to be a writer: working 40 hours a week just does not suit me. Granted, it’s better than retail, and I’m enjoying the classes I’m teaching at Upward Bound, but I feel like something’s missing. I feel disappointed. I don’t like that.

And I really don’t want Dylan to feel that way when he comes. Next weekend is Pride, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to have as much fun as I’d like, because I have no money, I don’t look as good as I’d hoped I would (which is shallow, yes, but dammit! I worked really hard!), and I have to work the next morning after the parade. I might just say “Fuck it” and go to work hungover. But I’d hate for that to interfere with my job performance. ugh.

Being a grownup sucks.