Wednesday, February 16, 2005 | by nathan

can I please be one of The Writers?

I came to the computer lab after my tutorial feeling like a million dollars. Because Prof. Davis, whose suggestions usually turn into rollicking discussions of life in a trailer park or the dramatic advice of Aristotle, said that my book was good. He - said - it - was - good! He actually seemed interested in my crack-addicted infant of a novel. I felt like I was glowing. When I got to the computer lab - because I was inspired to work - I ran into Julian, and we went to lunch. I decided to say “Fuck my diet” because I was feeling so great, and we went over to Cates and ate Taco Mayo. Yeah yeah. All week of working out for nothing now. Oh well. It’s only Wednesday for fuck’s sake.

Then, of course, I went to Novel class, and started to feel like shit about my work again. This always seems to happen when I take writing classes - I get a professor who’s had some success in the field (Deborah, my prof, was recently inducted into the Writer’s Hall of Fame - who knew there was one of those?) and they seem to think that I, and my work, are shit and impossible to sell.

I asked Deborah if it’s true that most first novels are more autobiographical, and she said yes, but publishers hate that kind of thing and you’re looking at a really hard sell. Oh well fucking just fine. I adore her for so many reasons, but I feel as if she’s trying to fit us into a mold of the kind of writer she thinks we should be. Prof. Davis helped me out this morning because he disagreed with several things she said. “Every scene doesn’t have to end in disaster for your protagonist as long as it moves the drama forward,” he said. Still, Deb’s selling books and I’m selling muffins. So really - maybe I should just shut up and listen. I never did learn that the first part of being a student is humility. Probably why I’m such a bad one.

Anyway. It was great to have lunch with Julian. I love that guy to death. And Kevin’s here now, who is one of Julian’s roommates. Their whole house is cool, really.

current iPod song: “Better Luck Next Time” by Scissor Sisters. I’m trying not to fall asleep. My shift in the lab starts in an hour. Mur.