Tuesday, February 15, 2005 | by nathan

My house smells good.

So wonderful Ben Hines has placed the second order of Muggins. YEAH!! That means I won’t say anything mean to him over IM for at least a week.

And my culinary adventures continue, as I got a recipe for tofu curry from Seth, my boss at the computer lab. Of course, he gave himself serious skin damage by exploding his oven in his face. I skipped that step. I’m on a strict no-burning-myself diet (which I broke by burning myself on the oven when I took the tofu out).

Also, the recipe was stupid. It called for “a cup or two” of water. What kind of a recipe is this? Next time, I’m eliminating the water and cutting way down on the amount of olive oil - Seth said to use “as much as is needed to mix everything together.” (I mean, what?)

So I had to bake the tofu by itself before adding the curry sauce in order to get it firm enough. I’ll know better next time. Still, it was tasty and filling, and we had Pinot Grigiot with it - and a Venetian vintage at that! Woot!

Also, Karl turned me on to a new band I’m loving - Chomsky.

And, for the past few days, I’ve had extremely rewarding conversations with Joel New, who I love deeply and miss greatly.

Now. Several weird things have happened with that. One is that I began missing Joel hard-core out of nowhere. I mean - ever since he left for New York, taking a sizable chunk of my heart with him, I’ve missed him. But it was like the past two weeks the volume got turned up real loud on those feelings and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Then - bam - one night I was checking Friendster completely out of the blue, and I had a message from him. So I wrote him, and he called me.

The other weird thing I can’t stop thinking about is New York City, which is where Joel is. I keep feeling like it’s where I need to be.

Well - if you’ve spoken to me you know I’m in no position financially or academically or professionally to go anywhere, which is part of the reason I’m hoping UPM (Unlikeliest Place Muggins) turns out to be a multi-billion-dollar-a-year corporation (but not an evil corporation), because I want to get out of Oklahoma, which I love and cherish but need to shed like an old skin. Still, I have an opportunity here to get a potentially useful degree and some good experience writing locally, so I must stay for at least another year and a half, possibly two. And yet, I find it hard to watch any movies or TV shows set in New York, because I just pine for that city. I absolutely love it. The first time I ever set foot there, I felt at home. And Joel’s there, and if I’m being honest, which I am, there’s a huge chunk of me that still loves him very, very much and wishes he were here tonight.

But he’s not. And clearly - clearly - I’m not ready to be there, because if I were, I would be there, or getting ready to go. But I’m not. I’m here, and there’s some reason. Even if Bryon Chambers did change his cell number a month ago and still hasn’t called to tell me that (I had to get the new number from Julian in the computer lab today, which left me feeling like that really irritating friend who doesn’t know he’s not wanted). Even if I have zippo money, and if this stupid book doesn’t deliver for me then I don’t know what I’m going to do. Even if I have to come up with like $400 in the next week just to keep from falling behind - or, in the case of my speeding ticket, from getting issued a warrant.

My life. How I love you, but like a teenage child loves its parents. “I love you, but leave me the hell alone.”