Monday, February 14, 2005 | by nathan

The Only Boyfriend You’ll Ever Need…today.

On this unholy St. Valentine’s day, I would like to sing the praises of my boyfriend, iPod.

He never talks back. He has no relationship issues. He goes everywhere with me happily. He’s kicky and attractive and the latest thing to have, and everyone envies him.

Today, as I was walking across campus - I wore shorts and Locals today because it’s so warm and windy - “Sunday Bloody Sunday” came on and I got into listening to it. I got a kind of a half-stock. And it had nothing to do with any cute boys nearby, because, for once, there were none. It’s just that song (and I was listening to the live version, where Bono goes, “Fuck the Revolution!”). I got all naughty-tingly down there. All this from iPod. And, if that weren’t enough, he romanced me further by following that song with “Falling” by the Comsat Angels. I’m telling you, he’s the absolute shit.

You keep your flesh-and-blood lovers. I’m going to stick with my iPod, who almost never lets me down.