Tuesday, February 1, 2005 | by nathan

Baking, Bringing, and Becoming…

I’m not sure why, but I’ve become a baker. I am a person of bake. And no, that is not in the pot sense. Although given the week I’ve had, I’ve had more than one moment where I stand over a plate of brownie mix, tempted to pour in a dime bag of bad pot. But I don’t have any, and I have enough stress in my life without trying to find out how to get some, because I really have no clue. Time was, I did. Those days are long over, and I am thankful for this.

Someone from GCN sent me a recipe for white chocolate chip muffins, which sounded good, and this week I was feeling blocked, and I remembered how Professor Angelou used to say that when she was frustrated with her writing, it helped her to cook. So I went all Martha Stewart for a second and decided to bake. I had all the ingredients for the muffins except the white chocolate chips, so I took this as a sign. I went to Wal-Mart, because it was cold, and about to rain, and I was sad, so - I bought the damn chips and started making pan after pan of muffins.

The first batch looked like corn muffins - all misshapen and weird, and not sweet. For the second batch I added a bit more sugar, and chips, and butter. They still looked a little weird, but they were great, and this time I had realized that using a mixer to mix muffins was probably not a good idea. This bit of wisdom came when, while making the first batch, I lowered the little hand-mixer I have into the bowl. White chocolate chips went flying everywhere, and when I tried to pull the mixer out of the batter, the entire contents of the bowl - except the wildly flung chips - came with it.

So mixer: a big no-no in baking. I know this now. You’d think it’s something I’d have figured out before. But that’s true for so many things in my life. It’s what people are always saying to me: “You think you’d have figured that out by now.” Like learning not to yell out my window when I see George W. Bush or otherwise racist bumper stickers. “You’d think you’d have figured out by now that people will flip you off when you do that.” Like learning this is like learning to tie one’s shoes, or use the toilet.

So the second batch, with the butter, and more chips, came out better, if not - as I said - slightly misshapen, which I believe to be a direct result of my poor character. So if you try to make them you shouldn’t worry too much about the shape. And even if they do end up a little wonky, like mine, well hey, at least you’re not alone.

I’ve been giving away muffins, and looking for new recipes, and generally just baking my little ass off. It feels good to be bringing something nice, and sweet, into the world, even if I’m not sure who it’s for. Or if it’s making me fat. Still, I don’t have a parking pass for school, so I’m walking at least a mile daily, which I wouldn’t survive without my iPod. Even so, with all that seems to be going wrong, it’s nice to make something good. Maybe if I pass the “baking test,” then I’ll be ready for the “money exam,” or even better, “The Publishing Final.” Or, at least, I’ll have something good to eat while I get my work done every day.

Current song: “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim Audiobook” by David Sedaris. Once I leave work it’ll change. Perhaps The Velvet Teen, Josh Rouse, or U2. Then it’ll be back home, back to my books, and my baking. I’m finally reading “The More Than Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy” by Douglas Adams. I want to get it read - and so far I’m loving the shit out of it - before the movie comes out. I can’t really see Mos Def in the role of Ford Prefect, but I’m willing to give it a chance.

Also, “Wonderfalls” comes out on DVD today. Even if you haven’t seen it, you must buy it. Or rent it, at the very least. It is very likely the best television drama ever produced. If you buy it, let me know, and I’ll send you a basket of muffins.

Anyway, here’s the recipe:

3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
2 teaspoons melted margarine
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup white chocolate chips

1) Preheat oven to 350. Grease 9 muffin cups.

2) Combine: Milk, vegetable oil, egg, almond extract, and margarine in a large bowl. Mix well.

3) Combine: Flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt in another large bowl. Mix well. Stir in chocolate chips.

4) Mix the milk mixture with the flour mixture and mix well.

5) Lick the spoon. And, if you like, the bowl. Ignore what everyone has always told you about raw batter. It’s good.

6) Fill the nine muffin cups 3/4 full with batter. Bake until golden, about 18-22 minutes. (The original recipe said 15-18, but the fastest I ever got them to cook was 22. So I compromised.)

7) Get a glass of milk. Eat the muffins. Feel warm inside. Or, email me and say I know nothing of baking and should keep my lousy ideas to myself.

Give some of the muffins to people you like. Unless they are terrible. Then give them to someone you dislike. If you have neither friends nor enemies in your life, take them to an old folks’ home. Or, if - like me - you are unnerved by the old and infirm, take them to your favorite store, or your high school, or somewhere where maybe they need a little sweetness and warmth. Or badness and bittnerness. Depends on how good a baker you are.

See how much fun baking is?

Food